Sue & Jeff - Day 4 - SDA Appointment

Sue – Monday, October 19, 2009 (slideshow in sidebar)

Day 4 – Appointment with SDA.

This is the big day!!!

We awoke at 7 am, because our facilitator and driver were meeting us to take us to SDA.
I was imagining some KGB-type of department, stern and judgmental, so I was more than a little nervous!

The drive was around 30 minutes or so, then we parked to wait until our 11:00am interview time. The cobblestone streets rumbled under tires as we drove. I couldn’t wait to move past this meeting. Little street side vendors were putting their goods out as we sat and waited. Our facilitator knew I was anxious, so we moved inside the building to wait, with about 3 other families, inside the stairwell. Some families came out – some more families came in. One spoke Italian… one spoke French (we thought). We didn’t speak at all. In a very short time, a lady came out to lead us into the offices. They were clean and neat, very warm and inviting. Pictures of children on the walls reminded me of the nature of their department. “State Department of Adoption” - SDA. Here we were, at the coveted “SDA” appointment we so longed for after submitting our dossier.

The SDA agent, Maria, sat down and started shuffling through the folder that had Anastasiya’s picture on it. She was dressed very stylishly in a black dress, with sheer sleeves, and had a very European hairstyle and makeup. She reviewed the folder briefly, then looked at us, smiled, and said “Passports, please” in Ukrainian (or Russian?). Our facilitator translated; we complied. She verified names in the adoption folder with our passports, smiled, and handed the passports back to us. “Spa-cee-ba.” Maria spoke, then our facilitator translated, then we spoke, and the facilitator translated again.

“You came for Nastiya?”

“Yes.”

And in that moment, the weeks and months of paperwork, appointments, fingerprinting, schedule shuffling, calendar arranging, packing, traveling, and waiting all came down to one answer.
Yes, we came for Nastiya. Tears welled up in my eyes. I smiled, to make them go away. They didn’t. We came to get the girl. How simple it sounds, but it was a powerful moment. The first time I saw Connor on the ultrasound screen, I felt this way. It may seem odd, since we’ve already met her and hosted her, but this was the moment that we found out that yes, she was still available, and yes, she was going to our daughter.

I don’t remember the rest of the questions (Jeff probably does), but something about Maria just made me want to show her our photo album of Nastiya. She went through the album slowly, and I shared a story here or there about the photo. Maria was kind, caring, and very loving toward the soon-to-be-adopted child’s pictures. She smiled, and made comments, and was very empathetic.

The rest of the day was anti-climactic, hanging out, taking a walk, and eating dinner in the apartment.

We took a short nap after lunch, then went out for a walk. The temperatures have been lows in the 30’s, highs in the 50’s. It has been partly overcast, partly sunny, and no rain while we’ve been here. Apparently, it rained like crazy right before we arrived, so the ground is still damp, but we’ve had no rain.
The apartment here in Kiev is in a large complex of apartment homes. They rise about 10-29 stories high, much like we saw in Singapore or Hong Kong. Kiev’s population is about 5 million, a sizable city, out of Ukraine’s 46 million. So when you are in the “residential” part of Ukraine, as opposed to the “downtown” part of Ukraine, there is just street after street of high-rise apartment/condo buildings. Most are in need of repair, lacking maintenance and paint; you can tell that Ukraine’s economy has not been thriving for the last 20-30 years, and since the world-wide decline recently, they have suffered even more.

So our little walk was only around the residential buildings here. There are pathways that weave all around the buildings, with children’s playgrounds in each area, plus some areas to play soccer, with fencing. Along the pathways, made mostly of cement blocks, are little markets. These are small portable-type buildings, which contain window-access, you don’t go inside – you look in the window, see what you want, and order it through the window, like a “to-go” ice cream stand. One had wonderful cookies and pastries (no, I resisted), one had salamis and cheeses, several had the “convenience items” (Ukrainian version of 7-11 stores), from beer, cigarettes, soda, candy, ice cream, chips, and limited groceries. We took our walk around 5-6pm, so many people were coming home form work. I am not sure if they were walking from a bus or train station, but they were walking long distances. Men carried large plastic grocery bags, bulging with whatever their wives told them to bring home for dinner. Older women in boots and babushkas (my word for scarves on your head) carried cloth or canvas bags with what I assumed were groceries. Working mothers dresses stylishly were holding the hands of their children, talking animatedly about the child’s day in school. Several mother sand grandmothers were buying ice cream or sweets at the various shops along the way. Some of the “shops” were just trucks lined up, with their back doors open, selling their wares that way. One man had large bins of various types of apples, one was selling some sort of linens, one older woman was selling cups full of beans. The economy is struggling here. Jeff will post his pictures in a slideshow of our short walk around the complex.

Then we had dinner, easy to make in the apartment kitchen – pan-fried steak (denser and less fat than at home), rice, broccoli, and cabbage. I am definitely NOT losing any weight here! The food is too good! The eggs are “real”, with richer yolks, the bread is “yeasty” like sourdough, the meat has no antibiotics and growth hormones, and the vegetables still have dirt on them.

Watched a couple episodes of Heroes (we started from the beginning again on this trip), and turned in by midnight. A very good day!

Jeff: Also Monday!

Sue doesn’t remember the rest of the questions because she was so emotional. We went into the room as Sue described. There was a nice corner arrangement of a couch for us, and our facilitator and the agent sat in chairs next to and across from us. The thing that really struck me was how warm and welcoming the agent was. She obviously has an awareness of the impact this process has on us and on the children. When Sue’s eyes welled up, she broke out a sunshine smile and told Sue not to cry. I had to laugh – as you read above from Susie, it all came together in that one simple question. But the agent kept smiling and almost reassuring us the entire meeting – she was a delightful participant in this process.

We were asked questions about when we met Nastiya, how long she stayed with us, what we thought about her disposition and attitude. We commented that she seems a very responsive, loving, 10 year old girl. The agent continued with the details she had on Nastiya – family relations, current status of other relations, other details from her file, and then she showed us the file. Obviously, we could not read the file, but a picture of Nastiya was attached to the front of the file. We saw the face we have come to know and love, taken at a very low point in her life. She still had a very warm look in her eyes.

So that was it. The agent handed the facilitator some papers, and we were done! Except of course Susie said “what about our pictures?” As Sue said above, the agent browsed through all of the pictures, really paying attention. She also commented right away that Nastiya looks like Sue.

I forgot to look at my watch when we left, but we were back at the apartment by 12:15 – after stopping for some more vada (water – NOT vodka) and some more minutes for the cell phone that we are borrowing. The meeting could not have taken more than 20 minutes.

Our next conversation with our facilitator was about how we would travel to Mariupol, the next stop on our journey. We talked back and forth about this quite a bit. Sue had really wanted to take a train across the countryside of Ukraine. There are three options, though only two are practical. The first impractical option – for us – is a train straight to Mariupol. Unfortunately, this train leaves once a day at 4:30 in the afternoon and takes 16 hours to get to Mariupol. We are not going to get our form until after 5 PM, so this option is out. The other two options are taking a train or flying to Donets’k, then driving two hours to Mariupol. We hear the drive is going to be quite interesting – will report on that after the fact. But back to our two options for getting from Kyiv to Donets’k:

We talked about this with our facilitator. The train to Donets’k takes 12 hours, the flight is about one hour. The train has three classes.
• First class is a cabin with 2 beds. Since we are taking our interpreter with us, the cost would be $139 * 3 = $437 – one way ($874 round trip).
• Second class is a four-bunk cabin. Wickedly cheaper - $57 * 3 = $171 – one way ($342 round trip).
• Third class is a dormer car with 54 beds – not really an option for our – or our interpreter’s – travel wishes.
• The plane, on the other hand is $279 *3 = $837 round trip.

Remember that we just spent over 24 hours traveling from the US to Kyiv about 3 days ago? And that I slept about 45 minutes on that entire flight? So let’s see – travel by plane from Kyiv to Donets’k at 9 PM after getting our documents around 5-5:30, then drive to Mariupol and arrive around midnight, sleep in a real (non-moving) bed before meeting all of the officials at the orphanage and the court system. Or spend all night on a train (that costs more if first class or means spending the night with other people in the cabin if second class) that is moving and rattling and certainly does not sound like a great sleeping environment, then go straight to the court and/or orphanage. Oh – and we’ll see Nastiya again for the first time in three months.

We chose the plane.

So: the game plan for Tuesday: get packed and out the door by 3 PM, get our documents from the SDA around 5PM, catch a plane at 9PM. Details tomorrow

Some other unrelated details that I haven’t captured elsewhere. If you are reading this blog and you are not following in our footsteps, you can skip this part

When we first arrived in Kyiv, we used the VIP service to get through customs. A previous family commented on how nice it was and how much time it saved. Let me tell you – if they had this service at JFK, I would use it every time! However, we did arrive on a fairly small plane from London, so there weren’t that many people on the plane. Overall, though it was extremely simple, I don’t think it saved us that much time and energy. As a matter of fact, it caused us two problems. The first one was that we actually got out of customs so fast that our driver and translator hadn’t even arrived yet! No big deal – they arrived about 5 minutes after we got through customs. The bigger problem – my fault (kinda) was that the VIP guy asked for our passports and really expedited that process. But I had neglected to put the entry-exit form with our passports and he neglected to ask us for them. So when our driver met us, he asked to see the exit form that stays with our passport. We didn’t have it. So of course we had to go back in to get that form stamped. When we went back in, even the officials were saying it’s no big deal, but when we told our interpreter that, her comment is “they don’t know why you are here – you will need that for the adoption process”.

Summary: I would definitely recommend that service if you are coming in on a large plane. Maybe not if you are arriving on a smaller plane. If you do use it, make sure you and the expediter your passport and your forms that you just filled out so laboriously on the plane.

If you are staying in the same apartment:
• There is a valve under the sink in the bathroom. If you’re going to use the washing machine, this valve has to be turned a quarter turn (I think I remember clockwise – but it only goes one way). Don’t forget to turn it back the other way when you are done.
• Oh – speaking of the shower – don’t do dishes while your partner is in the shower. Flushing is also a bad idea.
• Saran wrap and paper towels are on the kitchen window shelf behind the curtains (we found these the third day – after working in the kitchen without…)
• Bring more that one adapter for power! There is one converter here
• The apartment seems to run warm – at least for us. Outside temps are running around 35-45 degrees at night.