March-June 2009 - After Cambodia

Sue – March 2009 After Cambodia

If you have not read my blog about “Cambodia”, then you will be missing a critical turning point for me. You might want to read that first, before continuing here.

My experiences in Cambodia changed how I view the rest of the world forever. It softened my heart even more, grinding it down like a mortar and pestle does to grain.
Everyone knows there are third world countries. Everyone knows there are sub-standard living conditions in many parts of the world. And, certainly, everyone knows there are orphans, both here and abroad, who are living desolate lives with little hope of “breaking the cycle”, destined to continue their lives without hope, without homes, without dignity.

When Jeff, Connor and I returned from the high school marching band trip to Cambodia, it was time to get the spare room ready for an orphan to stay in during the March trip with Advocated for Orphans International hosting program. Day by day, with the faces and smiles of the orphans in Cambodia still vibrant in my mind, I felt that, with all the abundance that God has blessed us with, surely there was some way we could give back, and share our bounty with others. We’ve always had food. We’ve always had a home. We’ve always had family and friends who care about us. We have never “wanted’ for anything.

The March hosting group was postponed. Instead of March, they would come out in the summer of 2009; probably the end of June. Okay, we can do that.

Now, remember, we were just going to be an advocate family; we were going to host a child, or two, take them to summer camp each day, have them live in our home each night, do exciting trips on the weekend to give them a fun, American camp, and hope that they find their “forever family” during their three weeks here in California. Great.

Jeff and I occasionally brought up the idea of whether we would “just host” or whether we would consider… “Adoption”… and when it came up, we struggled with the answer.
Of course, part of me wanted to “do the right thing”

“We closed the door on that option years ago.”
“I’m too old.”
“I’m too tired.”
“We’re comfortable, why change things?”
“Connor is almost out of high school – I’ll be free.”
“When Connor goes to college, I can start a new career.”
“I don’t want to start over with elementary school issues again…”
“That didn’t work out 6 years ago, it won’t work now.”
“Connor is used to being an only child.”
“In two years, when Connor graduates, we can travel more!”
“Did I mention I was too OLD!?!?”
“After 7 years of infertility treatments and failed adoptions, why would I be called to adopt NOW?!”
“I’m really comfortable with our family, why rock the boat?”
“Can’t we just host, and not adopt?”
“Hello, Lord?? What are you telling us?”

Then Pastor Dan at our church, Twin Oaks Church, started a series on Jonah.
Dan talked about all of us getting very, very comfortable with our current life, our day-to-day existence. He related it to someone sitting in their easy chair, with the TV remote, very comfortable with the status quo. Too comfortable to listen to what God has to say. Too comfortable to do what God’s asking them to do.

In the Bible, God told Jonah to go to Nineveh, and tell the people they were messing up, to repent of their evil ways, or incur God’s wrath. Jonah did not want to do God’s will, because the Ninevites were enemies of Isreal, it was out of his “comfort zone”, so he said to himself “no way!”. Instead, he got on a ship and headed in the complete opposite direction from what God was asking him to do. You know the rest – the storm, his admittance that it was his fault, the sailors throwing him into the sea, the fish, etc…

There was something about the way Pastor Dan presented the story that stirred a conviction in me. I felt that God was guiding me to “step out in faith”, to go beyond MY comfort zone, to do something I was not convinced I could do. Each week, after the Jonah sermon, I left church grumbling… (see above reasons for not adopting…), but at the same time feeling convicted that maybe, just maybe, I was being led to do what was right for me. If you trust in God’s will for you, He will not harm you, He will not burden you with more than what He knows you can do.
Proverbs 16:9
“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."
Jeremiah 29:11
”For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Well, okay…I trust you, Lord.
This happened around the time that David was asking us… “Are you going to consider adoption, or are you going to be an advocate host family?” Jeff and I prayed about it. We prayed together and we prayed in private, and we kept asking ourselves “Why not?” We have so much to share, so much love to give. Why not at least open our hearts to the POSSIBILITY that one of the older Ukrainian orphans might be meant to be a part of our family? Remember, these children are not toddlers and infants; they are usually aged 6-14 years old. Connor is 16 years old, a junior in high school. It sure seemed like a good fit, age-wise. And, the best part is, you get to have them as a guest in your home for three weeks, to get to know them and see how they treat you, your child, and your animals. You can see if this is the child God has in mind for you.

So we opened our hearts, fully convicted that God had “a plan for us”, and would direct our steps, as it said in Proverbs..
I wanted to share with Pastor Dan that his sermons had a direct effect on our conviction to open our hearts to adoption. He told us that, two weeks prior to doing the Jonah series, he had a different sermon series all planned, but he felt a compelling urge to do the Jonah series instead. That’s funny – that’s just when we needed to hear it, since we were away on vacation in southern California right before the series, and then we were away in Ohio for a wedding and then our normal trip to New Jersey to visit family right after the series….hmmmmm…. could it be I was SUPPOSED to hear those sermons?

Then, the photos came through our email. A few weeks before the children come out, you receive, through email, a photo of each of the children attending the summer camp. We looked at the pictures, and THERE SHE WAS!!! MY DAUGHTER!!

Jeff, who saw the pictures separately, also picked her. She was 10 ½ years old, a single child, not a sibling set, a little younger, perhaps, than we expected. Then a subsequent email from David indicated that this one or that one was spoken for, and it mentioned that Anastasiya had a family interested in her. Jeff and I were crestfallen, devastated, we felt crushed.

“Lord, you led us this far, we thought we found her, we thought we were doing the right thing… then, who do you have in mind for us?”

When we saw her, we both immediately thought – “She’s the one for our family!” Then we find that she is not available. Confusion set in. Back to prayers. Back to the pictures… “Maybe him?” “Her?” “This sibling set?”
This one or that one had a 4 or 5 year old borther or sister… “Lord, you can’t be serious?!?” “I can’t start over with a 4 year old!”
Jeff and I poured over the pictures, again and again, confused, not knowing what to do.

Then David phoned us. He hadn’t heard from us… (no kidding…)
He once again inquired as to whether we were “hosting” or considering “adopting”. They give the families who are considering adopting the option of choosing which children stay with them. We said there was someone we were interested in, but she had been chosen already, so maybe we will just let him place one of the unmatched children with us.
“Which one had you been interested in?”
“Anastasiya – the dark-haired one…”
“Wait a minute, I don’t think she’s been matched yet…..” flip-flip through paperwork on the other end of the line… Jeff and I rushed over to the speaker phone, breathless with anticipation (okay, I think I was jumping up and down… just a little…)
We waited… flip.. flip…rustle…then David’s voice came back on the line…
“Anastasiya A… She has NOT been matched yet.”
“WE WANT HER!!! And we want to consider adopting her!” from both of us.
Right, as if there was going to be any question in your mind… hah!
This was meant to be! Needless to say, we were overjoyed. We felt totally convicted that this path, the path we let God lead us on, was the right one for us.
Some bible thoughts:

"Be kind to strangers, widows, and fatherless children." Genesis 22:21-22

"It shall be for the stranger, for the fatherless, and for the widow.
Be kind to widows, orphans, fatherless children and strangers. Share whatever you have with them.” Deuteronomy 24:17-21

"Defend the poor and fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy. Deliver the poor and needy: rid them out of the hand of the wicked." Psalms 82:3-4

" For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:35-40