Sue: Journey Begins

September 29, 2009 - Sue

It may seem odd that I, the “wanna’ be writer” from so many years ago, have not blogged yet about our new family addition-to-be. It’s strange that, although I am a very open person to all I meet and to all my family, friends, neighbors, work associates, and other parents, I had reservations about sharing our adoption journey with a BLOG. It seems so impersonal, so vulnerable, and so utterly PUBLIC that I really had to give it serious thought before deciding to do so.

One major factor that Jeff and I discussed concerned the real possibility that someone, somewhere, somehow would read our BLOG, and something in it would inspire them to look at adoption as a possibility for their family. That did it. If our blog, our adoption journey, our story, including triumphs and failures, could possibly save one more life from drudgery and despair, and provide just one child a “forever family”, then it will be worth the effort, the exposure, the baring of one’s heart.

As you’ve read in Jeff’s earliest blog, our adoption journey started many years ago. About a year after Connor was born in 1993, we started trying to have another child. During the evolving process, which took ME on a roller coaster ride through HELL, it became more and more physically invasive. We ended seven long years of increasingly painful and expensive infertility treatments with two IVFs (in-vitro, for those of you not involved with infertility). Nothing worked. I never became pregnant again.

I won’t dwell on the painful HSG procedure details, or the many, many months of Clomid cycles, or the many IUIs (intra-uterine inseminations, otherwise know as the “spin and shoot”), and finally the long, grueling process of getting the first IVF cycle. But, since they are part of “the journey”, I felt they needed some comment here.

Okay, so after about five or six years of various fertility treatments, invasive tests, and humiliating situations, we took a little break and treated ourselves to a three week trip to Southern France, Paris, London, and Scotland. Upon returning in early May, I contacted the premier fertility specialists in the Bay Area, at Stanford Hospital. Well, there are many obstacles, including attending a huge group seminar, taking injection classes, and getting ALL your medical records from ALL your prior OB/GYN Drs and your primary physicians, including all the ones from New Jersey, since we were now living in California.
This was before the days of shared medical records; took forever! We started the process in May; first IVF in Novermber! I treated Jeff extra special those months, because he was the one who had to give me injections in the large muscle (YOU know which one I’m talking about…) at night. I gave myself the morning injections in the stomach. So, when your husband is shooting a painful needle in your behind, you are extra, extra nice to him!

Two failed IVF cycles later, I was devastated; emotionally drained. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, post-infertility symptoms are very similar to post-traumatic stress syndrome. After some time to heal, re-group, re-access, we investigated adoption, and liked the possibility of adopting an older child (Connor was now about 7 or 8 years old). We had moved to San Jose, so we went through the Foster/Adopt parenting classes. We did not want to foster a child, then have them returned to their parents (two or three times!), before we could adopt them; we really wanted to build our family!

As Jeff’s blog already explained, that’s where David’s Advocates for Orphans International comes in.
www.advocatefororphans.org
At the time, it was called “Hands of Hope”. We liked the idea of hosting a child in your home, and getting to know them, before committing to adoption. It didn’t work out for us at that time, for personal reasons.
After that, I felt devastated once again. All the old infertility “failed cycle” feelings came out of the closet and crushed down on me. After about 20 or more failed infertility cycles over a seven year period, it was a dark time indeed. Our family was done growing. Period.

Remember, though, through all those tough infertility years, I had the most wonderful child at home all along, so I wasn’t empty-handed. Connor brings a luster to our family like no other. We had play dates, gymnastics, swimming, beach trips, vacations to almost everywhere (Disneyland and Disneyworld regularly), and of course, school functions.

Connor has been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, has walked the beach on the French Riviera, has spent a day in Disneyland Paris, has actually SEEN the Loch Ness Monster’s flipper in Scotland (we didn’t…), and walked through the catacombs of St. Paul’s in London. He’s been skiing in winter and to Hawaii often. Has walked along the ancient paths of Leonardo Da Vinci in Florence, Italy, and hiked next to 500-year old giant tortoises in Galapagos Islands; stood on the equator with one foot in the Northern hemisphere and one foot in the Southern hemisphere. We have tried to live life to the fullest, and in harmony with God’s Will and His Grace. And He has blessed us, indeed! We have had a wonderfully rich, active life together, the three Musketeers! (See how many times YOU can ride Space Mountain before it closes at midnight!!)

So that is the background setting leading up to the next phase; 2009, here we come!