September 29, 2009 - Sue
It may seem odd that I, the “wanna’ be writer” from so many years ago, have not blogged yet about our new family addition-to-be. It’s strange that, although I am a very open person to all I meet and to all my family, friends, neighbors, work associates, and other parents, I had reservations about sharing our adoption journey with a BLOG. It seems so impersonal, so vulnerable, and so utterly PUBLIC that I really had to give it serious thought before deciding to do so.
One major factor that Jeff and I discussed concerned the real possibility that someone, somewhere, somehow would read our BLOG, and something in it would inspire them to look at adoption as a possibility for their family. That did it. If our blog, our adoption journey, our story, including triumphs and failures, could possibly save one more life from drudgery and despair, and provide just one child a “forever family”, then it will be worth the effort, the exposure, the baring of one’s heart.
As you’ve read in Jeff’s earliest blog, our adoption journey started many years ago. About a year after Connor was born in 1993, we started trying to have another child. During the evolving process, which took ME on a roller coaster ride through HELL, it became more and more physically invasive. We ended seven long years of increasingly painful and expensive infertility treatments with two IVFs (in-vitro, for those of you not involved with infertility). Nothing worked. I never became pregnant again.
I won’t dwell on the painful HSG procedure details, or the many, many months of Clomid cycles, or the many IUIs (intra-uterine inseminations, otherwise know as the “spin and shoot”), and finally the long, grueling process of getting the first IVF cycle. But, since they are part of “the journey”, I felt they needed some comment here.
Okay, so after about five or six years of various fertility treatments, invasive tests, and humiliating situations, we took a little break and treated ourselves to a three week trip to Southern France, Paris, London, and Scotland. Upon returning in early May, I contacted the premier fertility specialists in the Bay Area, at Stanford Hospital. Well, there are many obstacles, including attending a huge group seminar, taking injection classes, and getting ALL your medical records from ALL your prior OB/GYN Drs and your primary physicians, including all the ones from New Jersey, since we were now living in California.
This was before the days of shared medical records; took forever! We started the process in May; first IVF in Novermber! I treated Jeff extra special those months, because he was the one who had to give me injections in the large muscle (YOU know which one I’m talking about…) at night. I gave myself the morning injections in the stomach. So, when your husband is shooting a painful needle in your behind, you are extra, extra nice to him!
Two failed IVF cycles later, I was devastated; emotionally drained. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, post-infertility symptoms are very similar to post-traumatic stress syndrome. After some time to heal, re-group, re-access, we investigated adoption, and liked the possibility of adopting an older child (Connor was now about 7 or 8 years old). We had moved to San Jose, so we went through the Foster/Adopt parenting classes. We did not want to foster a child, then have them returned to their parents (two or three times!), before we could adopt them; we really wanted to build our family!
As Jeff’s blog already explained, that’s where David’s Advocates for Orphans International comes in.
www.advocatefororphans.org
At the time, it was called “Hands of Hope”. We liked the idea of hosting a child in your home, and getting to know them, before committing to adoption. It didn’t work out for us at that time, for personal reasons.
After that, I felt devastated once again. All the old infertility “failed cycle” feelings came out of the closet and crushed down on me. After about 20 or more failed infertility cycles over a seven year period, it was a dark time indeed. Our family was done growing. Period.
Remember, though, through all those tough infertility years, I had the most wonderful child at home all along, so I wasn’t empty-handed. Connor brings a luster to our family like no other. We had play dates, gymnastics, swimming, beach trips, vacations to almost everywhere (Disneyland and Disneyworld regularly), and of course, school functions.
Connor has been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, has walked the beach on the French Riviera, has spent a day in Disneyland Paris, has actually SEEN the Loch Ness Monster’s flipper in Scotland (we didn’t…), and walked through the catacombs of St. Paul’s in London. He’s been skiing in winter and to Hawaii often. Has walked along the ancient paths of Leonardo Da Vinci in Florence, Italy, and hiked next to 500-year old giant tortoises in Galapagos Islands; stood on the equator with one foot in the Northern hemisphere and one foot in the Southern hemisphere. We have tried to live life to the fullest, and in harmony with God’s Will and His Grace. And He has blessed us, indeed! We have had a wonderfully rich, active life together, the three Musketeers! (See how many times YOU can ride Space Mountain before it closes at midnight!!)
So that is the background setting leading up to the next phase; 2009, here we come!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Jeff: Paperwork
Paperwork – what can I say about paperwork? Our first glimpse was the arrival of the home study packet and all of its myriad of documents. Talk about growing up. Talk about your relationship with your mother, your father, your siblings, the family dog. Your wife, your own kids.
Let's see: Home study:
• A check!
• application
• fee agreement
• arrest information (gads, it's hard not to make a joke here)
• personal history form for both of us (how were you raised? how did your parents discipline you? remember all that stuff? Me neither)
• Signed releases of information
• Certification of Identification - each applicant
• photocopy of marriage certificate
• copies of divorce decrees (I was married previously - Sue once described me as her "first husband". OK - so it was at a school reunion where lots of people were introducing their second or third spouses. Say - why do they do that? Does their place in line really matter?)
• Financial information
• Guardianship form (You know who you want to care for your kids already, right?)
• Signature page of Discipline Philosophy and Policy (should you ever hit your kids? Easy answer for me - I never really believed in corporal punishment)
• Education ageement
• Receipt of complaint resolution procedure
• Lifescan - first and second set of fingerprints - both parents, local and FBI prints
• Employment report - first version (see Dossier)
• Medical reports - both parents and all children in the house (Connor is 16)
• School reports
USCIS
• Yup - another check!
• CIS cover sheet
• I-600A
• copies of birth certificates for both parents
• copy of marriage certificate
• copy of divorce decrees
• third set of fingerprints
• copy of health care insurance card and proof that the adopted child will be covered
Ukrainian Dossier (all documents notarized or certified, then appostilled!)
• Two marriage certificates
• the original home study
• copy of the home study agency license
• copy of the social worker's license
• copy of the I171H from USCIS
• Employment letter (very specific wording - more later)
• Medical reports for both parents (oh, yeah - different requirements than what is required for home study - make sure you get all the tests when you go see the doctor)
• copies of the doctor's license (Sue and I used different doctors - two of these forms)
• Yup - more fingerprints (four): required for state police clearance report for both parents
• application to adopt
• Known child (Nastiya!) to adopt
• Limited power of attorney (4)
• Proof of residence (quick - how many combined square feet of your bedrooms?)
• copies of passports - both parents (Are your passports good for 6 months past your court date in Ukraine? dang, I wish I had a color printer!)
• Parental responsibility registration form - two copies (I promise I'll send update letters to Ukraine until Nastiya turns 18)
• Current family photo album
Got three people who will take the time to answer a questionnaire about you, your marriage, and your ability and desire to parent? Good – you’re gonna need ‘em!
Say – when was the last time you got a physical? Well, there are two different forms to fill out around that – one for the home study and one for the dossier for Ukraine. And they have different requirements – STD tests included for the dossier. Did I mention the one for Ukraine has to be notarized? Oh – and you need another form filled out with a copy of the doctor’s license, also notarized. Now, you know how hard it is to get standard stuff done through our medical system, right? Try going in and showing them a form with a very specific format that needs to be copied on to their letterhead, then filled out, signed by the doctor, and of course notarized – all at the doctor’s office of course, because you have to notarize the doctor’s signature. Sue and I use separate primary physicians, so we had two totally different experiences. The assistants at Sue’s doctor’s office had apparently never used a notary, so they thought they could just have the doctor sign the form and they could give it to us. It took quite a bit to say, “no – the doctor has to sign it in front of the notary!” I have to say – once I got to talk to the right assisting nurse at my doctor’s office, I did get the documents back – signed, sealed and delivered, almost easily. Getting to that person was a bit of a challenge – the people who answer the phone kept thinking I just needed a physical with a signature – but once I got there, it was almost anticlimactic.
Now, of course you need a lawyer or CPA or some such to sign a letter of residence – proving that you have a place for the child to live. Got kids? You’ll need to get to someone at the school that can give a report on your current children. Hats off to Sue on that one – she knew exactly who to call and had a terrific write-up in two days.
Marriage certificates – two certified originals, recent. Copies for home study. Oh – we haven’t even started on the apostille process yet. Once the forms are notarized or certified, the state must “apostille” the documents – stating that the notary or the certification was done by a valid, licensed person or agency.
Marriage certificates. I ordered two from New Jersey – we were married in Princeton. I then looked online and found the process for the apostille in NJ. The office charges $25 per apostille, plus $15 for expedite service (8 business hour turn-around – otherwise 2-3 weeks). However, if the documents are for adoption, the charge is only $5 plus the expedite fee. $20 each, $40 total for the two licenses to be apostilled, right? Off go the two certificates and a check and a letter in a Fedex. I thought I would get the documents fedexed back to me – expedite fee, right? Nope – I received the certificates a week later regular mail. Guess what? Somebody didn’t read the letter stating this was for adoption. They charged me the $25 normal fee plus the $15 fee - $40 total. And I got both licenses back, but only one apostilled! Argh! No reason to take a chance – back goes the other one for apostille – with a $40 check, and a return FedEx envelope in the FedEx envelope I send to NJ. Three day turn around and an extra $40 bucks, but I’m done!
Current certified birth certificates, parents and any children. Previous marriage? Certified copy of the divorce decree. This one was fun for me. I was divorced in San Diego. So I dutifully went to San Diego to get copies. Before I went, I found the coolest website that actually told me which office held my documents - Family Court Building, Clerk's Office. So I went there and waited in line with everybody else until the building opened. I went through security. Do you believe it - the officer there had to "wand" me, She told me my socks didn't match. I fell for it and actually looked - she got me!
Anyway, then I had to go down the hall, up a set of stairs, down two more sets of stairs, and wait another half hour until the clerk's office opened. So I'm second in line for that office, and of course the first thing they tell me is that I'm in the wrong office - it's the records office down the hall. Off I go, thinking "oh, great - another line". It wasn't bad however - I was up in about five minutes. Easy peasey - except of course the online website that told me where to find my documents was wrong. Turns out they were in the courthouse about 3 miles away. OK - off to the courthouse: now the parking ois all full - I have to pay an all-day rate - $20 - to go into the courthouse to get my file. I go in and find the records office - after being rushed to the side of the hall as the sheriff's officers rushed a prisoner past me. The good news is I'm the only one there. The room is enormous - remember that scene from Indiana Jones? But I explained what I was looking for, and the clerk had the certified copies to me in about 20 minutes. All in all, not as bad as I thought it would be. I'll tell you what, though - you do not want to be in the family court building. Just walking through there and seeing all the tears was really tough.
I have to say the part of this entire process that I had been dreading most was the home study interview. The county we worked with during foster-adopt training made it sound like we would be having a grilling by an ex-military interrogator who was looking for any little thing we did wrong. Our experience could not have been more the opposite - our social worker was delightful. We had so much fun having a conversation that I don't think we ever realized it was an interview! God Bless that masked social worker!
Step one - we got everything to the home study folks as fast as we could. We received the home study package on July 2nd. First set of fingerprints was July 3rd.
Step two - get everything except the home study done and sent to USCIS. Stress over the I-134 - until I find out it's no longer required I can't remember exactly when I finished this part, but it was well before the home study was done.
Step three - home study sent to USCIS, also one copy apostilled and sent to Ukraine. August 19 and 20 respectively.
Step four - apostille everything: David introduced me to A Notary on Wheels: Debra was awesome. I sent everything to her for apostilled and had it all back two days later. The only document I was missing was the I171H, but the process there was to add a jurat to the document saying it was a copy of the original. This allowed me to get this step completed prior to receiving the I171H. Overall, this save one or two days in FedEx time: if I waited, I would FedEx the entire package to Sacramento, then Debra would have had the entire package apostilled (24 documents - this can take up to two days), and then she would have FedEx'ed the entire package to Ukraine. Because I had all of the documents done ahead of time, all I needed to do was to staple the I171H to the jurat, and I could then FedEx directly to Ukraine! Nastiya is on the registry prior to the soonest date we can possibly get there, so I want to shave every day possible off the process!
Step five - entire dossier sent to Ukraine, but I need the I171H first! We finally receive the I171H on September 10th. Because of what I had done with the apostille, the package hit the truck on same afternoon. FedEx has a wonderful tracking system. I tracked the package to Oakland, then Atlanta, then Paris, the overland to Kyiv, with delivery occiring on September 14th. Absolutely amazing.
Paperwork over - until we get to Ukraine:-) Now comes the next wait - when can we go?!?!
Let's see: Home study:
• A check!
• application
• fee agreement
• arrest information (gads, it's hard not to make a joke here)
• personal history form for both of us (how were you raised? how did your parents discipline you? remember all that stuff? Me neither)
• Signed releases of information
• Certification of Identification - each applicant
• photocopy of marriage certificate
• copies of divorce decrees (I was married previously - Sue once described me as her "first husband". OK - so it was at a school reunion where lots of people were introducing their second or third spouses. Say - why do they do that? Does their place in line really matter?)
• Financial information
• Guardianship form (You know who you want to care for your kids already, right?)
• Signature page of Discipline Philosophy and Policy (should you ever hit your kids? Easy answer for me - I never really believed in corporal punishment)
• Education ageement
• Receipt of complaint resolution procedure
• Lifescan - first and second set of fingerprints - both parents, local and FBI prints
• Employment report - first version (see Dossier)
• Medical reports - both parents and all children in the house (Connor is 16)
• School reports
USCIS
• Yup - another check!
• CIS cover sheet
• I-600A
• copies of birth certificates for both parents
• copy of marriage certificate
• copy of divorce decrees
• third set of fingerprints
• copy of health care insurance card and proof that the adopted child will be covered
Ukrainian Dossier (all documents notarized or certified, then appostilled!)
• Two marriage certificates
• the original home study
• copy of the home study agency license
• copy of the social worker's license
• copy of the I171H from USCIS
• Employment letter (very specific wording - more later)
• Medical reports for both parents (oh, yeah - different requirements than what is required for home study - make sure you get all the tests when you go see the doctor)
• copies of the doctor's license (Sue and I used different doctors - two of these forms)
• Yup - more fingerprints (four): required for state police clearance report for both parents
• application to adopt
• Known child (Nastiya!) to adopt
• Limited power of attorney (4)
• Proof of residence (quick - how many combined square feet of your bedrooms?)
• copies of passports - both parents (Are your passports good for 6 months past your court date in Ukraine? dang, I wish I had a color printer!)
• Parental responsibility registration form - two copies (I promise I'll send update letters to Ukraine until Nastiya turns 18)
• Current family photo album
Got three people who will take the time to answer a questionnaire about you, your marriage, and your ability and desire to parent? Good – you’re gonna need ‘em!
Say – when was the last time you got a physical? Well, there are two different forms to fill out around that – one for the home study and one for the dossier for Ukraine. And they have different requirements – STD tests included for the dossier. Did I mention the one for Ukraine has to be notarized? Oh – and you need another form filled out with a copy of the doctor’s license, also notarized. Now, you know how hard it is to get standard stuff done through our medical system, right? Try going in and showing them a form with a very specific format that needs to be copied on to their letterhead, then filled out, signed by the doctor, and of course notarized – all at the doctor’s office of course, because you have to notarize the doctor’s signature. Sue and I use separate primary physicians, so we had two totally different experiences. The assistants at Sue’s doctor’s office had apparently never used a notary, so they thought they could just have the doctor sign the form and they could give it to us. It took quite a bit to say, “no – the doctor has to sign it in front of the notary!” I have to say – once I got to talk to the right assisting nurse at my doctor’s office, I did get the documents back – signed, sealed and delivered, almost easily. Getting to that person was a bit of a challenge – the people who answer the phone kept thinking I just needed a physical with a signature – but once I got there, it was almost anticlimactic.
Now, of course you need a lawyer or CPA or some such to sign a letter of residence – proving that you have a place for the child to live. Got kids? You’ll need to get to someone at the school that can give a report on your current children. Hats off to Sue on that one – she knew exactly who to call and had a terrific write-up in two days.
Marriage certificates – two certified originals, recent. Copies for home study. Oh – we haven’t even started on the apostille process yet. Once the forms are notarized or certified, the state must “apostille” the documents – stating that the notary or the certification was done by a valid, licensed person or agency.
Marriage certificates. I ordered two from New Jersey – we were married in Princeton. I then looked online and found the process for the apostille in NJ. The office charges $25 per apostille, plus $15 for expedite service (8 business hour turn-around – otherwise 2-3 weeks). However, if the documents are for adoption, the charge is only $5 plus the expedite fee. $20 each, $40 total for the two licenses to be apostilled, right? Off go the two certificates and a check and a letter in a Fedex. I thought I would get the documents fedexed back to me – expedite fee, right? Nope – I received the certificates a week later regular mail. Guess what? Somebody didn’t read the letter stating this was for adoption. They charged me the $25 normal fee plus the $15 fee - $40 total. And I got both licenses back, but only one apostilled! Argh! No reason to take a chance – back goes the other one for apostille – with a $40 check, and a return FedEx envelope in the FedEx envelope I send to NJ. Three day turn around and an extra $40 bucks, but I’m done!
Current certified birth certificates, parents and any children. Previous marriage? Certified copy of the divorce decree. This one was fun for me. I was divorced in San Diego. So I dutifully went to San Diego to get copies. Before I went, I found the coolest website that actually told me which office held my documents - Family Court Building, Clerk's Office. So I went there and waited in line with everybody else until the building opened. I went through security. Do you believe it - the officer there had to "wand" me, She told me my socks didn't match. I fell for it and actually looked - she got me!
Anyway, then I had to go down the hall, up a set of stairs, down two more sets of stairs, and wait another half hour until the clerk's office opened. So I'm second in line for that office, and of course the first thing they tell me is that I'm in the wrong office - it's the records office down the hall. Off I go, thinking "oh, great - another line". It wasn't bad however - I was up in about five minutes. Easy peasey - except of course the online website that told me where to find my documents was wrong. Turns out they were in the courthouse about 3 miles away. OK - off to the courthouse: now the parking ois all full - I have to pay an all-day rate - $20 - to go into the courthouse to get my file. I go in and find the records office - after being rushed to the side of the hall as the sheriff's officers rushed a prisoner past me. The good news is I'm the only one there. The room is enormous - remember that scene from Indiana Jones? But I explained what I was looking for, and the clerk had the certified copies to me in about 20 minutes. All in all, not as bad as I thought it would be. I'll tell you what, though - you do not want to be in the family court building. Just walking through there and seeing all the tears was really tough.
I have to say the part of this entire process that I had been dreading most was the home study interview. The county we worked with during foster-adopt training made it sound like we would be having a grilling by an ex-military interrogator who was looking for any little thing we did wrong. Our experience could not have been more the opposite - our social worker was delightful. We had so much fun having a conversation that I don't think we ever realized it was an interview! God Bless that masked social worker!
Step one - we got everything to the home study folks as fast as we could. We received the home study package on July 2nd. First set of fingerprints was July 3rd.
Step two - get everything except the home study done and sent to USCIS. Stress over the I-134 - until I find out it's no longer required I can't remember exactly when I finished this part, but it was well before the home study was done.
Step three - home study sent to USCIS, also one copy apostilled and sent to Ukraine. August 19 and 20 respectively.
Step four - apostille everything: David introduced me to A Notary on Wheels: Debra was awesome. I sent everything to her for apostilled and had it all back two days later. The only document I was missing was the I171H, but the process there was to add a jurat to the document saying it was a copy of the original. This allowed me to get this step completed prior to receiving the I171H. Overall, this save one or two days in FedEx time: if I waited, I would FedEx the entire package to Sacramento, then Debra would have had the entire package apostilled (24 documents - this can take up to two days), and then she would have FedEx'ed the entire package to Ukraine. Because I had all of the documents done ahead of time, all I needed to do was to staple the I171H to the jurat, and I could then FedEx directly to Ukraine! Nastiya is on the registry prior to the soonest date we can possibly get there, so I want to shave every day possible off the process!
Step five - entire dossier sent to Ukraine, but I need the I171H first! We finally receive the I171H on September 10th. Because of what I had done with the apostille, the package hit the truck on same afternoon. FedEx has a wonderful tracking system. I tracked the package to Oakland, then Atlanta, then Paris, the overland to Kyiv, with delivery occiring on September 14th. Absolutely amazing.
Paperwork over - until we get to Ukraine:-) Now comes the next wait - when can we go?!?!
Friday, September 25, 2009
Jeff: Nastiya's Visit to California
Let’s go back to the airport, but three weeks prior the start of this narrative. We were at the airport at about 11PM waiting for a group of children to come through security. We had received a picture of Anastasiya (Nastiya) that was taken at the orphanage in Ukraine. We expected a pretty averaged-sized girl. As the group of 8 tightly-clustered children came walking towards us, we recognized Nastiya’s face – but on a tiny little wisp of a girl. I exaggerate – she is quite well proportioned for her size, but she was definitely a lot smaller than we expected. She was also exhausted. We got down on the floor with her and a woman who had volunteered to act as a translator. After a few questions about do you like this food or that food, do you like swimming (most of the answers were either a no or a noncommittal response – I think Nastiya was so tired she thought we were asking if she wanted any of these things right now), we were ready to head for home. Nastiya took one second to walk back to Lena, point at us, have a brief discussion and get a hug from Lena (four years older), and we were off!
Lots of details of the next three weeks. I’ll just tell a couple stories of my own regarding that time. Some of the time, I was traveling for work as usual. But I did have time to get to know Nastiya and really appreciate her spirit. Here was a 10 year old girl in a house with people she had basically just met. Who didn’t speak the same language. Thousands of miles from her home. She did get tired, and she did get discouraged from time to time, but overall she was ready, willing, and able to tackle whatever was coming next.
One of the things that was coming next, six days after she arrived, was Connor’s birthday party. Nastiya helped us get ready, and I remember playing with her during this. I was trying to tease her a bit, and she finally “sent” me to my room – she made it very clear that I was to go upstairs. For the next hour or so, I tried to get released – I would call her name, and honestly I have no idea what she called in response, but it sure sounded like “stop it! Stay there!” She got the upper hand in teasing me!
Another morning, Nastiya slept in longer than the rest of the family. When she came out of her bedroom yawning, I said “dobre otro” and stretched out my arms for a hug. Nastiya walked towards me with a smile and her arms stretched out, but at the last second she turned, walked right past me and gave Connor a hug!
The card game was the one of the best evenings. Sue and I could not for the life of us figure out the rules, but Nastiya continued to try to teach us – in Russian, of course! It got quite animated at times, what with us not following the rules, and Nastiya being very clear about what the rules were. I’m going to ask her about that in a couple months
Nastiya had just spent three weeks with us. There is no question that she is a missing member of our family. We did our darnedest to keep a positive attitude as we took her to the airport on the last day. But the house sure did feel a bit lonely when we got home.
Lots of details of the next three weeks. I’ll just tell a couple stories of my own regarding that time. Some of the time, I was traveling for work as usual. But I did have time to get to know Nastiya and really appreciate her spirit. Here was a 10 year old girl in a house with people she had basically just met. Who didn’t speak the same language. Thousands of miles from her home. She did get tired, and she did get discouraged from time to time, but overall she was ready, willing, and able to tackle whatever was coming next.
One of the things that was coming next, six days after she arrived, was Connor’s birthday party. Nastiya helped us get ready, and I remember playing with her during this. I was trying to tease her a bit, and she finally “sent” me to my room – she made it very clear that I was to go upstairs. For the next hour or so, I tried to get released – I would call her name, and honestly I have no idea what she called in response, but it sure sounded like “stop it! Stay there!” She got the upper hand in teasing me!
Another morning, Nastiya slept in longer than the rest of the family. When she came out of her bedroom yawning, I said “dobre otro” and stretched out my arms for a hug. Nastiya walked towards me with a smile and her arms stretched out, but at the last second she turned, walked right past me and gave Connor a hug!
The card game was the one of the best evenings. Sue and I could not for the life of us figure out the rules, but Nastiya continued to try to teach us – in Russian, of course! It got quite animated at times, what with us not following the rules, and Nastiya being very clear about what the rules were. I’m going to ask her about that in a couple months
Nastiya had just spent three weeks with us. There is no question that she is a missing member of our family. We did our darnedest to keep a positive attitude as we took her to the airport on the last day. But the house sure did feel a bit lonely when we got home.
Jeff The journey begins
Picture this: 5:30 AM on a Saturday at the
Sue and I had started this part of our journey eight years prior. We had always wanted more children, and the biological door was closed - definitively. We started looking into the different ways of adopting child. At the time, Connor was 7, so we were looking for a younger child. We had really decided that the right child was probably not an infant, but somewhere between two and five to maintain a distance between Connor and the next child. Listen – there are a million decisions along this path, and of course they all go out the window when you meet the child that is destined for your family. But we started with certain ideas, and the age difference was one of them.
Over a period of time, we decided that foster-adoption was a good program for us. We went through the entire program at the County, with the notion from the start of the program – stated and discussed with the staff – that we would really be looking to foster a child that we could adopt. At the end of the 14-week course, we were told, “oh, no – we can’t guarantee that the child that we place in your home will be available for adoption. You need to foster whoever we place with you and then we will try to find a child that is adoptable”. Well. End of story for Sue. Again – one of our choices – how do you care for a child in this scenario and then give them back? Of course, it’s a different mindset and God Bless the people who do this – this was not what we had in our hearts – we really wanted a child who would become a permanent part of our family.
Enter David Avilla and his culture camp. David brings children to the
Some “battles” were never won, but it was an absolutely amazing experience to see these boys working to communicate with us to keep up with the very busy schedule of the culture camp. Honestly, with love and patience, it is stunning just how easy it is to communicate even more advanced concepts with willing children. I must admit, Sue is the better Charades player – she figured out what they were trying to say sooner than I did on many (most) occasions. But it was fun – pointing at what they were doing while asking “shto etta” always started a conversation, and usually some education from the children to the adults. They were very patient with those slow adults, and were more than willing to help correct our meager skills of pronunciation of those Russian words.
One of the boys was with us for several days before joining another family who had planned to host him but were not available the first several days – and they did ultimately adopt him. We saw him again several months after he had finally arrive in the
Working with these children for the three weeks that they were here was extremely touching, and it was pretty heartwarming, yet extremely strenuous for us. We went into the process pretty much sure that we would be adding another child to our family out of this group of children, but that just didn't work out for us this time.
Fast forward to March, 2009. David has kept us on his mailing list ever since our first experience with his program. We had just returned from a missions trip to
Here’s what happened next:
March would have been a good time for us, having just returned from
We received the pictures of the kids coming to the camp. One little girl, Nastiya, just immediately stood out to both Sue and me. She had a glint in her eye – we both said immediately that hey – maybe we should think more about our stance on adoption vs. hosting. But the write-up said that little girl already had a host family. Oh, well – no heartbreak – just back to the idea of hosting. No, really.
Several days later, as David is having the conversation with Sue (I think his slant was adoption, not hosting – more on that later, maybe), she told him that we’d be happy to host. Didn’t we want to adopt?
“Well, none of them stood out to us except one who already has a host family. “
“Oh really? Who’s that? “
“Nastiya. “
“Wait a minute – she doesn’t have a host family – she’s available for hosting.” (uh oh – hear the heart speed up a bit?)
“Really? Well, we’d be happy to host her!”
The rest of that conversation is details. Did I mention that God has a way of speaking in the quiet parts? I will definitely leave it to Sue to document elsewhere how the image of Jonah sitting quietly in his armchair as presented by our pastor in his April series was quite motivating to her.
Do you see a pattern here? March would have worked, but somehow the group was postponed until July. During that postponement, our pastor later told us that he was compelled to change the sequence of his messages – Jonah was going to be later in the year, but he brought it forward to April. Nastiya had somehow looked “spoken for” but wasn’t. July is a bit difficult, but how can we say no after the message from Pastor Dan? What’s a little extra coordination compared to the need of these children? At this point, both Sue and I were pretty sure that God had a plan for our family, and it included a member of our family that just happened to have been born several thousand miles away. Sometimes God has to send the message a few times – maybe hit us over the head. But we’re listening now!
Luke 6:38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Who ever said Jesus was talking about money? Buit that's the next part of the story...
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