Stilwell Adoption

Snow Days

2010-12-18T13:05:00.000-08:00

Happy dozeday

2010-01-19T20:14:00.000-08:00

Which is as close as we got to "happy birthday". Our little "princess" has now been here exactly two months and celebrated her first birthday (her 11th) here in America last Friday. But let me back up a little...

The last two months have included a lot of firsts for Anastasia - new holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas and new years American style, and her birthday. It has also included starting school, of course. We got Anastasia into the school starting Thanksgiving week. This was a nice introduction since it was a short week. Not sure if I should be naming names, so I'll follow the same rules I did in Ukraine - without permission, I won't do it. But let me tell you - the teacher has been fantastic! Anastasia is in a normal class, but gets pulled out a couple times a week for ESL. We were also told that she would have access to Rosetta Stone in the classroom. I'm not clear whether this has really happened or not, but there are definitely some computer programs that she uses to learn English. Between the immersion and the classroom instruction, there is not much that gets past her at this point. She can also almost always get her point across. This continues to be more true with her mother. Nsatiya and I still have our moments where we're two ships passing - she and Sue seem to have a psychic link. It's that girl thing.

One of the funnier moments of the acclimation process occurred one morning at breakfast. We were discussing an upcoming ski trip. We described going to the mountains and getting to the snow. During the discussion, Anastasia effectively asked, “when will it snow here?” Since we live in San Jose, of course the answer was “never”. Obviously this discussion went more along the lines of “nyet snow”. “Vot???” Followed by the most shocked and dismayed expression I’ve ever seen on a 10-year old face. Apparently this idea had never crossed Anastasia’s mind before. We promised she would see snow when we went skiing. The funniest part was that when we got to Reno, she wanted to spend all her time in the hotel pool and didn’t really want to go skiing. I even found a Russian-speaking instructor for her! So Connor and I skied and Sue and Nastiya swam.

We do still get the pouting from time to time. There are times when corrections are not appreciated. But these are fewer and father in between as Nastiya gets used to the house rules and the cultural differences.

So finally we arrive at the party last Friday. Practically since Anastasia has been going to school, she has been telling us that her best friend at school has the same birthday. It's been amazing - the teacher assigned this girl to help Nastiya, and we thought she was doing all the things she was doing because she had been assigned the task. But Nastiya talked about a party from the day she learned that they had the same birthday, and in the process we found out that her friend was indeed a friend. It's been amazing seeing how fast Nastiya makes friends.

Sue was terrified as she was arranging the party. Girl party??? But we’ve had a BOY for 16 years! Fortunately we have a neighbor with two girls bracketing Nastiya’s age. Thank God for good neighbors! All the sudden I see pink stuff – lots of pink stuff – coming into my house. Napkins, frosting, you name it.

The party was a hit. Anastasia loves the princess theme, as did her guests. I think one of the best parts was her brother. Connor agreed to dress in his white shirt, red bow tie and black vest to act as “The Princess’s Personal Butler”. For part of the party, Sue gave Nastiya a bell. When she rang the bell, Connor came running and said “Yes, Princess Anastasia – what may I get for you?” This was a complete hit at the table. Of course, all good things must come to an end – Connor stole the bell, went into his room and locked the door.

Jeff: Learning English

2009-11-26T07:58:00.000-08:00

I "borrowed" this from the Garrett's blog - thanks Matt! (Thanks for the Offender and Offendee post as well - I was in tears after remembering some Edits from my own loving wife. Can I help it if my version didn't always jive with the real events as seen by Sue?)

http://garrettadoption.blogspot.com/2008/10/god-bless-america.html

Last night we had to have a Russian speaking IT specialist come set-up the Internet in our flat. It was during this time that we discovered that, indeed, our precious 15 year old "daughter" DOES speak and understand English much better than we thought. She became frustrated with my inability to communicate with this guy so she, unwittingly, chimed in with her own translating services; interpreting all to well. It occurred to her what was happening and she went bonkers, laughing, running around yelling(of course, all in Russian with a lot of, "...nyet, no English..." and I'm sure some other choice Russian words as well)-too late!! Exposed. What a "twerp"!!!! I now call her,"..little intwerperter...".

I've been pretty amused by our little sweetie since she's been here.She goes to great lengths to make sure she doesn't understand English - until she forgets:-) This is actually fading fairly quickly - Anastasia had really come a LONG way in comprehension in two weeks, but it was one of the more interesting things I noticed as part of the adjustment. It seemed like controlling how much understanding was in evidence was one of the coping techniques - maintaining some control!

The language and communication aspect is actually going much smoother than I expected. Nastiya showed very little interest in learning English the first time she stayed with us. I was a bit worried that this would continue once we had her here permanently. It hasn't - she continues to learn new words quickly and she's willing to use more of the words daily. For the first week she was a bit shy about speaking English words. That seems to be fading quickly. I have also continued to listen to some Russian language tapes, and I try to use some of the stuff I'm learning - pick a word or two to interject. I think Nastiya appreciates this - she also seems to have fun correcting my pronunciation. She's given up on Sue - unless she wants to have a laugh. Sue has fun with it. Last night we learned that "e-shoe-a" is "more". (Pardon my spelling, but that's as close as I can come to what Nastiya actually said). Sue looked at Nastiya with a smile and said "new shoes?" OK - so I made that part up, but that's about the way it goes with those two - then Nastiya collapses in a fit of giggles. Very cool.

While we were at Connor's band competition last weekend, Nastiya asked me for the electronic translator. I changed it to Russian to English translation, and she typed in a word, which she then showed me - "utensil". I looked at her quizzically, and she started over. This time, when she showed it to me, it said "depillatory". I of course completely lost it. I could not figure out how those two words would fit in a conversation or a request that she could possibly have. Pretty soon we were both laughing so hard we couldn't talk. When Sue asked me what we were laughing at, it just made it worse!

One of the traditions in our house is watching the Macy's parade. Sue explained some of this to Nastiya using a web translator yesterday morning. The subject came up again at dinner, and I pulled out the R/E dictionary to look up parade. When I showed that word to Nastiya, I have enough Russian to understand that she gave my the typical "dad, you're silly" look as she told me quite clearly (in Russian), "Yeah, I get it - we're going to watch the parade on TV in the morning!" My son looked at her, looked at me, and said "she's diabolical". I guess the thing that pleases me as much as her speed in learning English is the fact that she's willing to speak to us in Russian in the mean time. For the first several days, we got a lot of pointing and grunts. We made it clear that we would speak together - in one language or the other, and now she does.

I must say that overall, the process is going quite smoothly for us. It has been extremely helpful to read some of the blogs of those ahead of us in the process, as well as talking to others who have been through this for a longer period of time. Thank you all for your kind words and your wisdom and your sharing of experiences. This has certainly helped set my expectations and my understanding of where we are and what would work at this stage.

This is not to say that we don't have a world-class pouter on our hands. Not having had a girl to raise, it's very interesting to watch the behavior when the princess doesn't get her way. I was made to pay last night - Nastiya wanted to break one of the minor rules in our house. I held my ground, even though it was minor for both of us, it was something that I had to pay for. I received the cold shoulder for the rest of the evening. Not as bad as some others, but clearly Dad had mis-behaved.

They're home!

2009-11-14T23:41:00.000-08:00

Jeff: On the same Continent!

2009-11-13T20:59:00.000-08:00

"a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k..."

This was my greeting on the phone tonight from my daughter. They made it - Sue and Nastiya are on the same continent - finally! I could finally speak to Sue for some time - her cell phone works again:-) They are staying overnight near La Guardia, and I will pick them up around noon tomorrow. Dishes are done, floors are vacuumed, cat box is clean, pillows are fluffed on the couches...

So the best part of the conversation? Nastiya's first request after she recited the part of the alphabet that coincides with her progress in the sticker book was to speak to Connor. I love those kids!

Jeff: It's DONE!

2009-11-12T08:18:00.000-08:00

I just got off the phone with Sue - we are done! She picked up the visa at 3PM Thursday afternoon (5 AM Pacific time!) and they are free to come home! Sue sounds relaxed for the first time this week! Sue said the Embassy was a snap - even without me there. One quick question about whether it would just be in Sue's name - quickly resolved.

Just a quick aside for other future travelers: Sue had purchased a pre-school alphabet book - with stickers - to take along as an activity. Her doubting husband had said that it was too young for Nastiya. He was wrong again. Nastiya is really enjoying the stickers - she won't put the book down. I also got a quick review of the alphabet from nastiya while I was on the phone with Sue. Lesson to Jeff: moms are much better at guessing what their kids will like. (Except for Connor and motorcycles. OK - she knew that, too - just didn't want to acknowledge it)

Flight time 2:15 Friday, home by 12:30 on Saturday!

Jeff: Phone calls from Kiev

2009-11-11T06:18:00.000-08:00

(picture "borrowed" - not from Susie)

Things you don't want to hear from your wife when she is talking to you from an apartment in Kiev: "uh-oh - stay right there!" just before she drops the phone on the floor.

It's ok - she didn't burn the place to the ground after all - the pot she forgot about on the stove was fine.

Susie got her wish: after running around all day yesterday like maniacs to get the paperwork done in Donets'k, the flight from Donets'k didn't leave until 9:30. So they took the overnight train from Donets'k to Kiev. Obviously it's better to spend 12 hours on a train rather than wait three hours at an airport - well, at least if you're Susie, it is. I'll leave the details to Sue again, but of course she loved it. The interpreter - not so much. Sorry Sue - I'm not overly disappointed to have missed it. But I am happy that you got your wish! (apparently the attendant was very intrigued with Nastiya's story - they talked for some time. She's quite the charmer.

This morning was all things medical - Sue said it took over three hours to get that part taken care of - after arriving at 7:30 and having to wait until the place opened. Sue and Nastiya are back in the Kiev apartment this evening, enjoying a little peace and quiet after the very busy last 36 hours.

Sue did mention that they were able to fax the paperwork they needed to Kiev yesterday since the Embassy was closed today, so hopefully we're still on schedule. Sue will meet with the facilitator in a couple hours to discuss plans for tomorrow. Keep them in your prayers!

Jeff: T plus 10 hours

2009-11-10T08:31:00.000-08:00

We got the girl!

Susie picked up Nastiya, her birth certificate, the court papers, and her passport. On her way to Kiev!

Thank you, God!

Jeff: T minus 10 hours

2009-11-09T12:34:00.000-08:00

So here I am sitting comfortably in my home office in San Jose, while my sweetie is 6,417 miles away (oh yeah - "sweeties" - plural!). Just a quick update, and I hope Susie will be able to supply "woman on the scene" updates as she travels. I know it will be tougher for her - she is not carrying a laptop like I did on our first trip.

Anyway, Sue made it to Donets'k on schedule, after taking four segments and being in 5 countries (US, Canada, Germany, Austria, Ukraine) in under 24 hours. Very tired, very sick (Bring back memories, Tracy?), and very annoyed with the way the trip went. Some guy dumped a drink on her while she was sleeping on the plane - end of nap!

Our facilitator called me at about 7:30 this morning to let me know that Sue could not get the SIM chip working in her phone, so I can call the interpreter that is traveling with her. They hope to get her a new phone when she gets to Kiev - we'll see. I asked the facilitator about the rest of the week - he says it's all lined up and on schedule - we should be in good shape.

Brief conversation with Sue - she just relayed what I said above. I'm trying to decide if I should call her around midnight our time - she should be on her way back from Mariupol to Donets'k with our daughter by then:-)

Sue: Day 1 of Second Trip

2009-11-08T09:23:00.001-08:00

Sue – Sun Morning 1:00 am November 8th, 2009

Day 1 of Second Trip

Well, I can finally say it: I’m all packed!!

Sorry I haven’t blogged this week, but I was totally wiped out with that nasty lung infection thing. I kept thinking “It hasn’t been over 12 days yet, I don’t need to see the Doctor…”, then when I needed to use an inhaler to breath, I called and made an appointment. Unfortunately, they couldn’t see me Friday, so I went in this morning, and started on a 14 day Avelox (sp??). She was going to only give me 10, and I requested the 14 day (which will wipe out even Pneumonia, if that is what hit me – no time for an x-ray!). It hit me in the chest heavy and hard, which makes you tired, and then sort of spread out to the sinuses, but not sinus pain (pain is all in the chest). She also wants me to use an asthma Albuterol inhaler. It’s for asthma. I take weekly shots for asthma, and I think the air in Mariupol (plus the swing from 70’s and sunny to rainy and 40’s) triggered my allergies, which in turn triggered asthma (which I don’t treat for unless I’m sick…), and then was irritated enough to let in a cold bug.

So Monday, Jeff and I were both wiped! He slowly started catching up with work: I did 5 loads of laundry, did NOT have to drive the carpool, and was grateful I could stay home most of the day. Between the lung infection and the jetlag, I simply have no energy.

Tuesday-Thursday was mostly getting the presents for the people: I did a really nice pen (Waterford) for the orphanage director, and Pierre Cardin pens for the Doctor, Social Worker, Secretary, and other caregivers (inexpensive at Costco in bulk…), and boxes of chocolates. I looked at various types of chocolate, and many are from Belgium, or other European country. I bought those Mauna Loa Chocolates with the nuts, from Hawaii. I thought you couldn’t get farther from Ukraine than Hawaii, so maybe it will be different for them. I also got a scarf and a couple picture frames (very fancy!), and a Russian-English and back again dictionary for the drive in Mariupol (she had told me she wanted one!), plus some vitamins and cold medicines they requested.

Friday was another laundry day – 3 loads – and I’m leaving Connor and Jeff with no dirty laundry for the week ahead. Jeff DOES have the carpool Mon/Wed/Fri, and he picks up Wed and Fri afternoons, plus Connor’s drum lesson, and takes my car to the shop on Mon for maintenance and some repairs (minor this time!).

My long-distance property turnover turned into a mess! The old tenant want’ out until 5 days after their official move out date, and then he piled a pile of garbage in front for the garbage men… they won’t take it like that unless you arrange special pickup, and so on and so forth… Luckily my real estate friend Kathy handled everything that went wrong, so the carpets were cleaned, the locksmith changed the locks, and she made it happen. Thank you, Kathy!

Today I packed a large black suitcase, and the medium brown suitcase (they will nest inside each other on the way home after all the presents are given out. I am trying to bring a carry on suitcase I bought special for “carry on”. It is only 17”x 8” x 13”, so I sure hope they let me carry it on! I will bring my “magic bag”. I got this bag that is a zippered “pouch”. When you start unzipping it, the bag pulls out from inside, and then it becomes a very large tote/zippered carry-all. IT”S GREAT!! I’ve used it in London to hold my umbrella and London Fog coat (I know – terribly dated!), used it to walk through markets in Cambodia, California, and Italy, because you keep throwing stuff in there, and it holds a lot! So, the plan is, if they stop my bag form going onto the international flight, I will pull out the adoption papers, plus the forms I’m bringing for others, plus my travel itinerary, plus my medicines, plus our clothes for the first day…

When you pick up your child form the orphanage, you supply the clothes (right down to the underwear, from what I hear), so I needed to pack the first day of clothes – including sneakers – for her, because if they lost my bags, I’d be out of luck…
I brought 3 days of clothes (in checked bags), and one day of clothes (for Anastasia and for me) in carry on. It made for a bulky bag, due to the big winter coat, hats and gloves, etc. But nothing is going to stop me, and we are on a tight schedule!

Why a tight schedule? Because next Wed is Veteran’s day! And the US Embassy is closed, so it throws us off for a day – I cannot get the great points deal on Sat like I got on Fri, so we are trying to head out on Friday regardless. We have Fri morning – the one British Airways flight to London on the way home is at 2:15. I stay overnight in JFK (New York City) – hopefully my brother will come visit and meet Anastasia briefly, but it is along ride.

As you all may have heard, when we were leaving Kiev last Saturday, October 31st, 2009, many people were wearing the surgical masks both at British Airways and on the plane. I asked, and it turns out there was a swine flu outbreak a few days before. Currently, the country is in quarantine; schools are closed for a week, and some neighboring countries are taking action. But when I got so sick, I never had a fever, only chest pain, so the Doctor today didn’t think it was swine flu. Had a flu shot in Sept for regular flu. This week, around 200 people in Ukraine died, hence the scare. A lot of people cannot afford healthcare, so they do not go on antibiotics for Tuberculosis, they just die from it – many have it; many of the kids test positive for it. You need to do a 6 month antibiotic course if you want to get the “non active TB” out of their body, because it can become active into TB. If active you have to take 4 (yes, four!) different antibiotics for 6-9 months. My antibiotic today cost $90. co-pay, for 14 days. So four antibiotics for 6-9 months would not be affordable for the average Ukrainian. We think Anastasia’ mother may have died from it, since she was only about 30 years old. Very sad, when you have so many people dying from a treatable disease.

The news stated that the swine flu outbreak is in full swing, and unfortunately schools are closed, and the SDA put a hold on adoption referrals – they don’t want people coming into the orphanages and contaminating the kids – they live in such close quarters, that a flu would simply spread like wildfire.

So my prayers go out to all the families whose plans were put on hold – I was told by the coordinator that I would be able to get Anastasia, since as of Tuesday, she is mine and no longer a responsibility of the Ukrainian system. We’ll see.

Here’s a tidbit for you – I will be in 5 countries tomorrow, during 4 flights, 4 different airlines and 24 hours of travel. I leave SFO (USA) on United, to Calgary (Canada), then switch to Luftansa for 9+ hours to Frankfort (Germany), then switch to Austrian Air to Vienna (Austria), then switch to Tyrolean Air to Donets’k (Ukraine). (You getting’ this, camera-man??)

I have already succumbed to the fact that I will never again see the items I so lovingly packed tonight. But I packed in anyway, with the hope that I WILL be able to hand out all my gifts! We bought another UNO for the orphanage, and I’m taking an old one to play while there, plus a new puzzle, and Dominos cards (lightweight). I’m also taking a pre-school workbook; I’m going to try and get her used to the English alphabet, and some words… below her academically, but not on the English learners’ scale.

Well, it’s almost 2:00 am, so I better get some sleep. I’m using almost all of Jeff’s United points to fly business (the economy mostly wasn’t available for the days we needed, and lousy times…), so I may be able to sleep on the Calgary-Frankfort piece… I don’t usually do “business” class, but since I am sooo sick, Jeff thought it better I catch some zzzzz’s rather than save points. I’m going to catch some zzzzz’s right now – I’ll blog at internet café when I can – in the meantime, simply PRAY for me – for healing, for safety (me and Anastasia), health, and a smooth journey. Pray to keep the evil forces from interfering with our plans. Pray that the swine flu blows over and that others can continue their journey.

By the way – today, while I am flying to Ukraine to get my daughter, many churches around the world are celebrating “Orphan Sunday” in their worship. Log into
www.orphansunday.org
Today is a worldwide orphan day, to bring to light the plight of the 143,000,000 (yes, 143 MILLION orphans worldwide).

I challenge each of you to find some way, big or small, to get involved. At least go to the website – there is a lot of information there!

Thank you all who have helped us, and prayed for us. It makes a huge difference, and we appreciate each and every one of you – angels in disguise! Blessings to you all!

“I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)”

Jeff -T- 2 days, 11 hours, 22 minutes...

2009-11-07T11:09:00.000-08:00

T- 2 days, 11 hours, 22 minutes...

I feel the need to share a quick update as we head into the final phase of the adoption process in Ukraine. Poor Susie is sleeping in this morning - she is still suffering from the cold that she caught in Ukraine. She is going to the doctor this morning. She was wheezing last night - here's hoping it broke during the night, or that the doctor can get her started on something to make the trip easier.
We've been home for 5 full days, with one more date to go until Sue heads back to get Nastiya. I've been trying to get caught up with work while getting over my jetlag. Not sure I've been as successful as I wish. Part of the reason is the time change of course: I'm falling asleep at 8:30 at night, but I'm wide awake at 4 AM.

Sue on the other hand has been on fire with her preparations! In 5 short days, she has caught up on the laundry from 2 full weeks, and she has booked flights, bought gifts for the orphanage staff and our Ukrainian team, packed her gifts as well as the last-minute care packages from the other parents, and done all the other million things that she makes look so easy that I will be frantically trying to figure out next week while she is gone! I don't know - I think I'll keep my day job - Susie's job is tough!

Sue also did a little preparation for Nastiya's arrival and entry into the school system. This also caught me off guard. We walked over to the school, and Sue went in to get the documents we need to sign her up (I waited outside with Falkor). We've got our fingers crossed - the next teach who is "up" for a new student is a teacher who was one of Connor's absolute favorites at the grade school. How cool would that be! But the amazing part was the packet of documents that they handed to Sue to fill out. I kid you not - suddenly the adoption dossier looks easy! Holy smokes - the stuff they want to know just to put the child in a class!

One other thing that has been very time-consuming this week: we had a friend and her kids who came in to look after our cat, Percy, while we were gone. They did a great job, but apparently an hour or so every other day just doesn't satisfy the minimum daily requirements of massage for Percy. He has been extremely "interactive". this week. He's either meowing, clawing at your leg, or getting under foot to make you stop and massage him, scratch his chin, stand next to him while he eats...he has this very funny purr in the mornings - I call it his WD-40 purr. Sounds like a regular purr with the occasional squeaky door sound effect thrown in. My favorite is when he's super happy and we get the purr combined with the under-the-breath vocalizations - he sounds like a tribble!

Connor's Halloween event was a HUGE success. We heard from the neighbors about the lines of people. Someone estimated 300 people came through. Two of our neighbors said they did not go through the Huanted Garage because the lines were too long! Thanks to all who participated in making this a success as well. Hopefully I'll be able to get some pictures from someone who attended!

The level of encouragement that we have received this week has also been very heart-warming. Thank you all for your kind thoughts, prayers, emails, phone calls, etc. It's been very nice talking to the other families that will be following in our footsteps. I've also been reading blogs from trips past. I found a couple blogs with photos from the same orphanage, one of them from two years ago. The director looked the same then as she does now - just dressed down a little for summertime:-) But the people who have gone before or are currently in the process: you guys are an amazing group of people! I really appreciate the support, encouragement, and camaraderie of you guys!

I added a few links - check the bottom of the page if you are interested. One is for Orphan Sunday. As Sue was looking through this site earlier in the week, she ran across a little heart-tug slide-show. One of the facts presented is that there are 143 MILLION orphans in this world. I pointed out that as of last Friday, there are only 142,999,999...I can't get over the joy of this. I'm just so looking forward to having our family in one place!

But the paperwork is done, this trip is just to pick up the girl, right? What could go wrong, right? Oh, boy!

How about a swine flu epidemic sweeping Kiev? David sent out some links to news stories a few days ago - schools have been shut down, and SDA is not giving out authorization to visit orphanages right now. Imagine showing up for your first appointment and being told taht you cannot go visit the orphanage until further notice! What does this mean to us? Hopefully, the answer is nothing, since Nastiya is our legel responsibility as of next Tuesday morning! I told Sue that even if they won't let her in to the orphanage, tell them to send her out and she can change clothes in the van! (You heard the part about the kids not bringing any of their clothes with them, right?) Sue is of course carrying gifts for some the the staff at the orphanage, and some of the other kids that have been here. Guess she'll have to pile them at the door, and someone can come out and get them once Sue and Nastiya have left. Sheesh - a freaking pandemic in the middle of our adoption, and of course many other adoptions, David's program, etc. Let's pray that this blows over quickly and allows us all to get our children!

Oh - did I mention that it's Veteran's Day next Wednesday? And the embassy in Kiev is closed? Our facilitator thinks that we can rush some papers to him on Tuesday afternoon once Sue has it, and get the process started at the embassy on Tuesday, and with a little luck (maybe some prayer work), the visa should still be ready on Thursday, or at least Friday morning. Sue and nastiya head for the airport around 11:30 - it should all work out.

And poor Susie: let's hope the doctor gives her something to help!

So tomorrow I drop her at SFO, and she catches an 8:30 flight to Calgary, then to Frankfurt, then to Vienna, then to Donets'k, arriving Monday afternoon. Five countries and 4 airlines in two days - the joy of saving money and using points! The good news is that she got business class - for about the same points as coach! Well, by checking back, she did find an alternative that was less points, but in her current condition, I told her to burn the points and get some sleep on these flights! That girl needs her rest!

Jeff - Day 17 – Return to California

2009-11-02T09:43:00.000-08:00

Jeff – Sunday, November 01, 2009

Day 17 – Return to California

Yeah – we skipped day 16. You don’t really care about the details for our return trip through London. We had dinner with friends in Surrey, and they put us up for the night. Thanks, you guys!

I’m starting this update while on our final segment on the way home – Boston to SFO, where a friend will pick us up. I am absolutely exhausted again – we woke up at 11 PM PST in London, and we get home around 11 PM – almost exactly 24 hours of travel with car time to and from the airports.

Now we get to the next phase – preparation for the return trip to bring our daughter home! The plan is to fly into Donets’k on Monday night. Tuesday morning starts with a sunrise drive (two hours) to Mariupol, where we get Nastiya, the new birth certificate, and the court resolution. Then another car ride straight back to Donets’k (the capitol of the “oblast”) to get a new passport. If all goes well with that process, then Tuesday ends with a flight to Kiev. Wednesday and Thursday are spent with the US Embassy to get a visa to bring Nastiya to the US. Leave a little buffer and head home on Friday afternoon.

Sue and I had made the decision early on that she would go back alone to get Nastiya. Our son did a masterful job of jumping from one family to another while we were away – he stayed with three different families. But it was tough on him. So one of us goes and one of us stays. Sue would really love to push this task off on me – imagine getting right back on a plane less than seven full days from now to again spend 30+ hours traveling, spend 3 days and then do it all over again. This time with a 10 year old girl who will be speaking VERY limited English. I’ve done the world travel enough that I have the experience with the endurance required for this, but we really both know that Nastiya will far prefer coming home with Momma – she could find the idea of four days of travel with Papa to be fairly daunting experience. So Sue goes back.

This does add a wrinkle however. There are two places where both parents are required. The first is in Mariupol for the receipt of either the birth certificate or the court records – I wasn’t clear on exactly which. The other is the Embassy – they need two documents signed by both parents. Fortunately, both of these will take a power of attorney instead of a physical appearance by both parents. But of course the power of attorney for the court in Mariupol needs to be both notarized and apostilled. This means I need to create all three of those documents, get them notarized, and get the one apostilled – all this week before Sue goes back. The good news is I know how to do this now! Not a big deal after the previous paper chase, but one more hurdle.

We’re dying to get that little girl home where she belongs!

Probably not much to say this week – and as Susie will be going back herself, check back on trip 2 next week! She leaves again on Sundy (hint hint to anyone who has stuff to send to kids over there!)

Notes to those who are traveling (the rest of you can ignore this section):
1) The phone that was loaned to us started just powering off sporadically, so our interpreter loaned us her spare razor. After the fact, we had a good laugh – Sue has a razor. We could have just swapped sim cards in her phone.
2) REMEMBER: 0001 to call the US – with three zeros an 18 minute call cost me about 70 grivna (9 bucks). The normal international method cost me about 470 grivna – almost 60 bucks – for about 15 minutes.
3) I blogged about the internet card – Sasha will have it when we’re done next week. If you take a laptop, you can use that card. If someone is going in November, there’s still a fair amount of bandwith on the card. If later, then the card can be recharged the same way the phone is – our interpreter helped me acquire the card and knows how to charge it. I recommend the 250 grivna plan – about $30 for 10 GB of bandwidth. Then keep an eye on the meter that starts on the connection utility. I was fairly careful about browsing and so forth – we only used about 500MB in a week, so you may be able to chose a cheaper plan. If you’re gonna use skye – get the 10GB plan!
4) Oh yeah – about our decision to fly. I still do not regret the choice to fly instead of taking the train. But in the spirit of full disclosure: when our court date pushed back a day and we needed to change the tickets, we had to pay a bit more. There was a scary moment where they said it was going to cost us an extra $100 per person, but they finally figured it out for about another $50 each - $150 total. So be ready for that if you do choose the flight option.

jeff and Sue (and Jeff again) - Day 15 – Our Day in Court

2009-10-31T01:03:00.000-07:00

Jeff – Friday, October 30, 2009

Day 15 – Our Day in Court

I have received some wonderful, supporting emails during this journey. The support I have felt from around the world has been one of the most awe-inspiring aspects of this journey. Sue and I listened to a relationship seminar (it was on video tape if that gives you an idea how long ago this was) by a man named Gary Smalley. One of the examples that he gave was to describe what he referred to as “awe” – of his wife, and his kids. He was a very humorous speaker, but he really tried to revert to the true, raw meaning of the word. From www.dictionary.com: “an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful, or the like”.

In the day to day minutiae of the process, it is easy to get caught up in the details. But we have heard from prayer groups in New Jersey, of course many of our close friends and family, and random people we have met throughout this journey – all in deep support of our taking on the care of this wonderful child. God Bless you all – and thank you!

I think a quick recap is in order, and then I’m going to let Sue blog about court. She keeps accusing me of stealing her thunder, but it’s just because I wake up before she does! I think we’ve blogged about most of this, so I will keep it fairly high level.

So: here’s the original process and a vague timeline of events:
• Start of home study process: lots of paperwork, medical exams, interviews with the social worker (started end of June, received first packet of paperwork July 2, final home study received August 19th)
• Hosting an orphan for and American Culture Camp (started July 5th – three weeks)
• Apply to USCIS for the I-171H letter – approval to adopt a foreign child (first packet submitted around 8/1 but home study required for final approval – letter received 9/10)
• Create the dossier for submission to the Ukrainian SDA (pieces sent before, but full dossier submitted 9/10 – presented to SDA in Ukraine on 9/16)
• Received date to meet with SDA (10/19)
• Meet with SDA, get approval to go to region
• Travel to region, get local approval to spend time with child (10/21)
• Get all approvals (local, SDA, orphanage, brother and sister in our case
• Have court date to petition for adoption – receive approval (10/30)

Here we are! Yet to complete:
• Ten day waiting period required by Ukrainian law before we can take her home
• Return to Donets’k/Mariupol. (11/9) Acquire local decree from court, new birth certificate from place of birth (Mariupol) (11/10)
• Travel to Donets’k (equivalent of state capitol) to get Ukrainian passport in new name (11/10)
• Travel to Kiev to get Visa from US Embassy (11/11-12).
• Bring Nastiya home (11/13)!
And I’ll leave off here to let Sue tell the story of our court hearing in Mariupol. She’s still sleeping, so you will to wait a little longer…

Sue – Friday, October 30th

Day 15 – Court Day

What, Jeff leaves the anti-climactic part for me?!?
The night before court, our translator talked with us about court; what to expect, and what type of questions that the judge MAY ask. The same questions that are in the packet from David, and also the specifics about the child… what are you asking the court? To change her surname, to change her first name, and change the birth certificate parents, but keep her place and date of birth.

Friday morning, we got dressed in our “nice” clothes, jackets, slacks (Jeff… the red tie or the blue tie?) The weather is sunnier, but still cold, and I am grateful it is NOT pouring rain. The other driver, from Donets’k, came down and stopped by about 45 minutes before we were to leave, and he and the translator chatted away in the living room, while we finished up packing for leaving and primping for court. “Jeff, is your tie straight? Does this blouse look best with these slacks, or should I wear the other blouse?” and so on…

So, 11:00am we leave for the notary office, and we all go in to finish final paperwork, and signatures (again… I think we’ve been here 3 or 4 times now, and our translator even more!). Then off to court! They check your passports inside the front door, and you go up large, stone steps to long, dark hallways. I can’t help but think about the Soviet Union Communist times, and how scary it must have been for someone to be taken to KGB court here! Of course, since we don’t know how long court and waiting on the judge may be, we want to use a bathroom, which involves getting a key from someone and going down another turn in the hallway, and sitting in a row of chairs MEANT to be bolted to the floor, but are NOT! Every time you get up and down, they move as if to tip over, and you have some excitement in your life…

So, she comes back with a key, and I go into the… bathroom. Again, as is common here, there is an anteroom with a sink, and then another door with the… you guessed it… the whole in the floor! Nicely ceramic, with “grids” on each side, also ceramic, for your feet. I wanted to take a picture, but Jeff said “No pictures in the courthouse…” and, since I don’t know their laws, I decided not to. THAT would be a picture to post! The rooms are rather poorly lit and don’t seem that clean.

So then we wait… Jeff and I sat on the non-moving bench.
Then we went into the courtroom, and I concentrated on stuff to make me NOT cry. I was actually relaxed, not nervous very much. I’ll let Jeff talk about the actual court proceedings, while I just wrap up, because I need to shower and get out of Kiev this morning!
But my overall feelings during, and after, court were… anti-climactic. It went smoothly, thanks to the preparation of all those involved. It was not emotional at all, believe it or not. It was business as usual. I felt relieved afterwards. I felt grateful that all we had to do was show up and answer a few questions. When we left, Jeff and I were very excited!
“IT’S A GIRL!” Kind of funny… for the first child, Connor, I did all the labor for nine months, and the second child, Jeff did all the labor (paperwork) for four months… LOL

Back to Jeff:

I thought Sue would enjoy talking about that part – hmm. Twenty years together and I still get it wrong

Sue did catch the court proceedings pretty well – anti-climactic. The prosecutor, the local inspector and the orphanage representative were all there before the judge. There were also two “jury” members – basically witnesses, and the court reporter. The prosecutor asked us one question before we started: will our daughter have all the same rights as our biological son and who gives her those rights? We explained that in the eyes of the law, they have exactly the same rights. Of course, we will consider her as our daughter anyway, but the legal answer satisfied her.

Once the judge came in, he asked us a very few questions: what do you ask the court, what do you think about Nastiya. He asked both of us this question. Sue told me I can tell this story: for those of you who know Sue, she has plenty of words available. Well, believe it or not, after the interpreter had warned her to be brief – she was actually too brief! The judge had to ask her for more details about what she thought of Nastiya!

The judge then proceeded to list all of the documents from the dossier. He and the other three representatives (inspector, prosecutor, and orphanage rep) all had the full dossier – huge mounds of paper by this time, what will all the notaries, apostilles, and Ukrainian translations and petitions. He then asked each of the three if there were any objections. Of course, by this time – the work was done – all three stood up in turn and said no, they were in full support. The judge left the room.

18 minutes later, the judge returned and read his final resolution. At 1:25 PM local time, Anastasiya became Anastasia Luciana Stilwell – daughter of Jeffrey Michael and Susann Tindall Stilwell.

Now for the ten day waiting period…

After court, we had to race: we had a 6PM flight out of Donets'k - a two hour drive. But we had to see Nastiya before we left. Her's the image I will close with: picture a 10 year old girl jumping up and down and whirling around with a huge smile on her face, then racing to get a hug from every caregiver and orphanage official in sight!

Jeff and Sue: Day 14 – Party Day!

2009-10-30T15:52:00.001-07:00

Jeff – Thursday, October 29, 2009

Day 14 – Party Day!

Thursday was another slow start. The plan was to have the part as scheduled at the orphanage at 2 PM. Until then, we were basically waiting to hear the outcome in Kiev!

Our interpreter headed out early to make sure that the judge would have time to meet with us on Friday, assuming the SDA approval arrives. Sue was still feeling sick, so she stayed in bed – and slept! I grabbed the bible and my other book and hung out in the kitchen drinking European coffee – strong! When our interpreter got back, she told me that the judge had agreed to a Friday appointment, but he was a bit annoyed and told her to come back when she had the papers. We waited…

The news came around 10:30 – success! The papers were signed and would be overnighted to Mariupol. We were on! Long story short – our interpreter called the judge and we are set for noon on Friday!

Susie slept in as long as she could to try to fight off the cold. When she got up, she was feisty! Feeling much better!

We headed over to the orphanage around 1:45. We went through all the usual rituals – go to The Green Room, sign the register, etc. When Nastiya showed up, she was radiant! She showed up in a beautiful white party dress, and somebody had braided her hair down both sides – very tightly. She was pretty spun up – very excited about the party. We hung out for a few minutes in The Green Room with her, and then we got the call to go upstairs. We had noticed a larger room across the hall from Nastiya’s “pod” when we took pictures – there was some sort of musical gathering going on there the day we took pictures. Sure enough, that’s where we went. We were seated along one wall with Nastiya sitting between us. All of the kids in her group were either dressed in their Sunday finest or in costumes for performing. The kids from her group were all seated next to us along the same wall or to our right on the nearest wall. Not all of the kids from the orphanage were there, but many of them from other groups were there, sitting on the far wall to our left.

The show started with one girl coming out and either reciting a story or a poem – my Russian wasn’t up to the task. This was followed by a young man singing – quite well. Nastiya knew all the words and sang quietly along with him. The next act was a tap dance a la Fred and Ginger, complete with top hat and cane. After this, the little girls in Nastiya’s pod put on a little dance and gymnastics routine all dressed up in tutus and spandex. Very cute. When this was over, the little girls lined up, and one by one, called Nastiya by name and made a wish for her future – all the way from I hope you have a nice family to be sure to listen to your new parents (I liked that one)! When this was done, the teacher/caregiver went to the center stage and called the rest of Nastiya’s group to the stage (center of the room). She then recited for some time in Russian. Then she called Nastiya up, and the kids surrounded her, and the teacher continued. Then Nastiya came back to us, grabbed us each by the hand, and brought us to the center of the group, where the teacher spoke to us briefly, and then there were a million hugs all around from all of the kids in the group.

At the end of this, we went back to Nastiya’s pod and had more hugs and well wishes. All of the kids were very excited in general, but they really seemed to be wishing Nastiya well. The little girls all surrounded Sue and Nastiya for lots more hugs. The caregiver asked who Nastiya looks like, momma or papa, and of course the entire room shouted “Momma!”

Really a beautiful party, and a nice going away event for Nastiya. Now if everything had gone according to plan, this would have all happened after she was officially our daughter – usually the court appointment is in the morning and the party is in the afternoon. Since the party was already planned, we kept it on schedule even though our court appointment was postponed. But of course, there is the 10 day wait after the court grants the adoption, so she would be staying for 10 more days anyway. Details about that tomorrow – with the rundown of the court appointment!

Over dinner, our interpreter prepared us for court the next day. There were some very specific answers that were required by law, and she wanted to make sure we understood the procedures. “What do you ask the court?” “We ask to adopt Anastasiya, we ask to be listed as her birth parents, we ask that her name be changed to Anastasia Luciana Stilwell…” The other requirements were around making sure we knew the relationship of Nastiya to her brother, sister, mother and father and why she is available, making sure we know the five requirements once we bring her to the US, making sure we know her medical history. The law requires us to be clear on all of these factors. Tomorrow is the big day for the legal deal in Ukraine. This is it!

Sue – Thursday, October 29th

Day 14 – Party for Nastiya!!!

Jeff did a great rundown on the party!

When we were sitting in the anteroom, with Nastiya all decked out in her white party dress (the kind you’d dress a child in for their confirmation, or Easter Sunday), I kept touching her braids – they were really fantastic! Who does them? Another child, or the caregivers?
And this dress was simply beautiful! You could tell that this was a very, very special occasion! Every time she stood up, she smoothed the front of her dress, and when she would move from one place to another, she would make sure the dress was hanging down perfectly. For all her “girlie” ways, I think she has a bit of the “tom-boy” in her!! Right after the celebration, she quickly changed out of the dress! I hope she likes the Christmas burgundy dress with little bows I got her!

The celebration was great! The boy singing had the face of a 14 year old, with the body of a 10 year old… and he sang very well! I thought of Misha doing the acrobatics, when the boys came out and did tumbles and cartwheels. I think of the 1950’s and 1960’s whenever we go somewhere or do something here…the miniskirts, the tall boots, the dresses, the way that men are “macho”, and women more feminine… I do not see sneakers on any women, anywhere… they wear boots or shoes of some sort. The only sneakers I see being worn are by young men or boys. So, if you Amerikankas (women) and Amerikanits’ (men) wear sneakers, you stand out like a sore thumb! Mostly true of Europe, in general, but I thought I’d mention it, since I became acutely aware of it here.

I loved the little girls doing pom-poms, and the boys tumbling, and the “Putting on the Ritz” skit with an older boy and girl! Then, when all the little boys and girls got in a line, and recited their “wishes” for Nastiya, and her new family, I started choking up! Our interpreter leaned over and whispered what they were saying…” Now they say that every child wishes for a forever family to call their own…Now they wish for Nastiya a wonderful family always with love in the home… Now they wish for Nastiya to always listen to her Momma and Papa…” and so on… about 14-15 wishes!!

By the time ALL the children in Anastasia’s “pod” made their speeches, and she came out and got our hands to take us up there to say good-bye to all her friends, I was just overwhelmed! The children immediately ran over to the tables filled with bananas, plums, fruits, cookies, candies, and other treats, I was in tears! Big fat tears were rolling down my face! The social worker and the one teacher/caregiver came over and said (with our translator)… “If you cry, the children will cry…” so I wiped my tears, and composed myself. I couldn’t help thinking about the life that awaits so many of these little girls if they do not get adopted! Ten percent commit suicide between 16-18 years old? And 50-60% become prostitutes?!? It’s hard to bear. So I cry for the injustice, and I cry for happiness at us adopting this lovely creature, and I try to think about the starfishes on the beach.

You all know the story… the man and the boy are walking along the beach at low tide. There are millions of starfishes on the beach, and when the sun comes up, before high tide, they will all die. And the little boy, as he walks, picks up starfish after starfish and throws them back into the ocean. The man says…”What difference does it make, if you throw a few back? Look at the beach… there are millions out there… you can’t save them all!? What does it matter?” And the little boy, as he picked up another starfish, ready to fling it far into the pounding surf, said “It matters to THIS ONE!” and tossed it into the water.

So here I am, surrounded by little children, and I am so happy that we have a daughter to call our very own, and that she will never hit the streets of Mariupol, homeless and penniless. We go into her “pod” room, and we are swamped with all the children; Nastiya introduces each of them to us; some we met the other day, others we are just meeting. Some we saw during the performance have families who hosted them in Aug/Sept, but I don’t know who they are… all of them want to meet us, shake hands, or share hugs, and I just LOVE IT!

I could stay here for a month or two, and get to know these children…
“Kak-za-voot?”
And they each tell you their name, and you want to take them ALL home with you!
And a great longing comes over you…
and a sadness…
and a realization that this event is bigger than you are…
and that indeed you cannot take them ALL home with you…
and then you stop…
and remember the starfish.

Jeff and Sue: Day 13 – Our first snag

2009-10-29T04:10:00.000-07:00

Jeff – Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Day 13 – Our first snag

Well, this is the day to sit on pins and needles. Our facilitator in Kiev is awaiting the final signature for the approval from SDA. Everything else is done locally – all approvals from the inspector, the orphanage, Nastiya’s relatives, etc. The appointment is set for noon on Thursday. The schedule, if all works out: attend the court hearing at noon, run over to the orphanage for the farewell party, jump into a car and drive two hours to Donets’k, and catch a 6 PM flight back to Kiev. Pretty packed afternoon with a tight schedule. So today is preparation day – if all goes well.

We started off for the orphanage at around 9:15. The plan is that we hang with Nastiya while our interpreter prepares for the farewell party. We are the hosts for the party, but she is doing all the running around to get toys, food, and other treats. But when we get to the orphanage, Nastiya has left the building – she is at the hospital getting x-rays. One of the hurdles on the second trip when we come to get her is a medical exam required by the embassy. The plan is to have all the pre-work done now, so that all we need to do is hand over the x-rays and other documents to a doctor approved by the embassy, and thereby have a half-hour appointment instead of a three hour appointment to meet the requirements.

So, since Nastiya is out, we decide to go along on running some of the errands. Poor Sue has really been hit by something. She’s talking very quietly because of the congestion in her chest, and she’s very low energy. Mostly we just sit in the car and wait.

Back to the orphanage around 11ish – Nastiya joins us, and we get the OK for her to show us around her “pod” – where she lives. She takes us down the hallway where we’ve watched her disappear each trip, up a set of stairs, and into a set of large rooms. The first room is basically a narrow hallway lined with cabinets. Everything in these rooms has a place – this room is cabinets full of outer garments: sweaters, jackets, hats and shoes. The next room is part classroom, part lounge. Half the room is set up with a couch and chairs with a TV, VCR, and DVD player. The other half is desks and tables arranged with a central teachers area.

Through another door is a bedroom. There are bunkbeds against the outer walls – I think about 4 total (8 beds) – I didn’t count accurately. The center of the room consists of very small beds in rows – another group of about 8. They looked like doll beds to our eyes – the smaller children are not given full size beds. It makes sense, given the surroundings and amount of space available for all these children.

The lunchtime visit went about the same as before. Anastasia is getting more comfortable with us, and she’s trying more English as we spend time with her. Obviously it’s still just a smattering – about the same as our Russian. But the communication level is still high – she tries English, we try Russian, and we meet in the middle with non-verbal! Though she did out-stubborn me when I tried to get her to speak English later in the visit.

We also were surprised by another visit from Nastiya’s brother. He showed up about halfway through our visit. Sue gave him some envelopes so that he could write to his sister, and he even sat down and played Uno with us for a while. It was fun watching Nastiya teach her big tough 15-year old brother how to play Uno. He had a good time with it and enjoyed sticking me with a +4 every bit as much as his sister did!

When we left, Sue was still under the weather, so we stopped at the store and got some pork to cook lunch/dinner at home. Our interpreter showed up with chocolate treats again – looked like tiny little chocolate ice cream cones, but they were closer to chocolate covered cannolis. We waited for the call regarding the SDA approval. Our facilitator in Kiev finally called around 6 PM – bad news. The vice director was not in the office on Wednesday, so the forms were not ready.

Our initial plan had been to go to court on Thursday, head back to Kiev, and stop at the embassy on Friday. We’re pretty sure that Sue will be coming back alone to get Nastiya on the second trip, so there’s a form that I need to sign at the embassy. Now we won’t be able to do that. But our facilitator says that I can fill out that form in the US, and as long as it is notarized, we’ll still be OK. There is another form for the local authorities that I will need to get notarized and apostilled – it’s going to be an interesting week next week!

But the good news is that we are still scheduled to be home Sunday night! It has been an amazing trip, and I have really enjoyed the time here with my daughter. Now I have a son who needs some time as well It will be fantastic when both my kids are in the same house!

Sue – Wednesday, Oct 28th

Day 13 – No Early Departure…

Jeff has a great blog about yesterday! Although it’s not really a “snag”, we were just getting our hopes up that somehow we could get SDA approval in Kiev and get a court date in Mariupol one day early. But we are praying that at least we get a date for Friday early enough to leave on the 6pm flight back to Kiev.

My impression of the orphanage is very positive! The children’s areas are all very clean, very neat, and, like my Grammy used to say”... a place for everything, and everything in its place”. Anastasia was very proud and happy, showing us where her bed was (upper bunk), where her clothes go, and where the outer coats and shoes were… Each little shelf in the large “Ikea-type” cabinets were labeled with the child’s name, so they can keep their jeans, shirts, sweaters in a pile on that shelf. I think they share the shoes.

She had us take pictures of her and the women who are here caregivers. It is a warm and caring relationship; you can tell that these people truly care for these children. They were kind of silly when we met them, a combination of shy and excitedly curious.
G., from CA, guess who is in her little group? Yup, V. was in the group, and was playing nicely with another boy. He recognized us right away and came over to say hi! He is looking healthy and happy, and is also using a few English words. Jeff took pictures, so they will be going off to David to be sent – I think he sent some already, from earlier in the week. V. even looks like he has grown a bit. It’s amazing what a shining countenance one can have when one has hope and love, and he sure has one now! He is practically glowing!

As Jeff said, I have been knocked out with this stupid chest cold… in spite of taking vitamins, Airborn (vit C stuff), using hand sanitizer whenever there is no soap, getting around 8 hours sleep a night (mostly…), and trying to eat a balanced diet! So I’m peeved about that! At least, I do have the cold medicine, and I’m taking the Airborn several times a day to help chase it away. One thing I should let you know… the air in Mariupol is very, very smoggy. You can smell it when you leave in the morning, or if you open the window in the apartment. There are many, many factories here in Mariupol, and they run seven days a week. So, if anyone has allergies, asthma, or other respiratory issues, please bring your full arsenal of medicines with you! I get allergy shots weekly for three different things. I suspect that my allergies were irritated, and that opened up a pathway for whatever cold germs was flying around. And I had a bit of something that I shook right before I came, so I suspect my immune system was a little weakened. So if you have this type of tendency, like I do, bring the supplies!

While we’re on the subject, here’s what I brought: Vitamins, Airborn, Dayquil, Tylenol, Immodium, Tylenol Severe Chest Cold Stuff, Tylenol PM, Melatonin, prescription Ambien, hand sanitizer, tissues. We used the Ambien the first several nights, sometimes with the Melatonin, to try and overcome the jetlag. Otherwise, you wind up waking up at 3:00am, unable to get back to sleep. Now I am taking my cold medicine, and a melatonin, and I still woke up at 3, 4, 5am, but it was mostly my coughing and the chest cold keeping me up.

On the Ukrainian airplane coming here, there was a HUGE article about medicines here in Ukraine, and that up to 20 percent (yes, 20%) over the counter medicines on the shelves today is NOT what is labeled on it. There are big scams going on, where the pharmacies think they are buying the right thing, but whet they are getting is the “knock offs”, sometimes with nothing in it, and sometimes with “other ingredients” in it. I’d be happy to photocopy the articles, and David can forward it to the other families coming over. Antibiotics are the most faked medicine. So, just bring your own things with you.

Back to the orphanage. We enjoyed our trip upstairs, and I was very pleasantly surprised at the cheerfulness of the environment. Even the stairwells are painted with bright cheerful colors and murals of flowers, or animals. We enjoyed being able to go up, so we can make a memory book for Anastasia.

I am trying to interact with her without making her sick!! She keeps hugging me, and wanting to kiss me, but I don’t want her getting sick too. So we gave her her Halloween present – a Hannah Montana wig, and a Hannah Montana clip-on radio, with four songs, and a wire that goes to your head with a mike on it (it’s a toy). Well, this has been the biggest hit yet!! She loved wearing her Hannah wig, and had to run around showing the assistant director, the social worker, the other caregivers… We explained that it was like a “costume” for Halloween, and she understood perfectly! It was great seeing her dressed up, since it will be a year until we can celebrate Halloween with her, and everyone who knows us knows we do a BIG Halloween thing! So I got a huge thrill seeing my daughter in her first costume! And what little girl doesn’t like to “dress-up”? She was so cute! A little shy, but thrilled to be Hannah Montana.

I’m getting a little tired of the Green Room, but it was overcast, and with me so sick, I didn’t want to go outside. Jeff and Anastasia didn’t want to, either, since it looked like it could rain at any moment. The weather is now “normal”, cold and a little windy and damp and bitter. Feels normal for this region, the kind of weather I had expected originally. We had been “treated” to an Indian summer experience, and we really enjoyed it! So we had fun with her costume, she had fun showing everyone, and then we went to the … you guessed it… the green room! We brought her Uno Deluxe from back home, and she asked for another one, but the stores here do not have it. It’s a great game, because you can learn numbers and colors from each other, if you say the color and number each time you put it down (yes, I HAVE been known to be sneaky a time or two in my life…). I’m going to bring another Uno when I return, and we will definitely play this game at home. Have to think of others where you don’t need language, but can learn to count and speak some (Backgammon, Scrabble, Dominoes, Cribbage?).

Speaking of counting, I received some disappointing news. It turns out, best as I can tell, that the children here attend 1st, 2nd, 3rd grades, then they just skip 4th, and go right into 5th grade… so if your child is in 5th grade and up, just subtract one year from their grade. We tried having her do the “times” math problems, and she knew what it was, and how to do it, but could not come up with the right answer. While she knew 3x2=6, she did not know 7x3=21. We tried this for awhile, and basically, she does NOT know her multiplication tables. So I am going to get some old fashioned Flash cards, like my Mom had for me. Yes, we all hate to do it, but isn’t it nice when we memorize them, and it’s behind us.
This puts us on alert for what grade to put her in back home… she does get along with the younger children, but since she has a January birthday, she would be almost two years older than the average 4th grader. Some options would be to home school for the rest of this year, private tutors to catch her up, sticking her in the correct grade for her age, and summer school/tutors.

So we have much to think about! It is a joy to see her, but the overwhelming desire is for this chapter to be done with, and to get her home and all of us moving forward with our lives. I don’t like being away from Connor this long – I miss him so much! I have now missed all his band competitions this year!! Last year, I only missed the one last November when I went back east for my Aunt’s funeral, and one the first year for a dear friend’s wedding. I don’t like being away this long from him – we love him so much!
He is the center of our lives, him and his grades, the drumming lessons, the band competitions, the dinners at home. Oh, I really want to sit down at my own dinner table with my family again! I am missing Connor a lot!

Sue and Jeff: Day 12 – Time with Anastasia

2009-10-28T10:54:00.000-07:00

Sue – Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Day 12 – Time with Anastasia

We came to the orphanage for many hours today! (Okay, I just went back and re-read the first line… I have been over here too long, when I start talking like that! Jeff and I just got a good laugh out of that.)

We go there around 10:00, and though it was bright and sunny, it was still kind of bitter, so we stayed inside until around 11:30. We gave our little daily gifts (we bring a small baggie of candy, and some sort of gift each day). Today we brought a small bracelet, wrapped, and a large bouncy ball we got from the States, and deflated before bringing. The boys like soccer balls, but I thought about how much I loved playing with the large, red bouncy ball when I was in elementary school, so we brought one of those and a smaller purple bouncy ball which we gave on a previous day. We deflated them, to fit in the suitcase, and then I brought along a hand-inflator, which I bought at Big-5.

First she didn’t seem to want the bouncy ball, but when we went outside, she really got into it. She ran up and down the little hills, and then showed us ALL (and I mean every single piece) of playground equipment. Of course, there was an obligatory picture on top of every single one.

Note to parents coming over – bring a LOT of various size plastic bags; we’ve used them to keep purchases safe in the suitcase (in case of rain… yes, on one trip I retrieved my luggage from baggage claim soaked with all wet stuff inside due to it being on the bottom of the luggage carts in a pouring rainstorm).
We use the smaller baggies to load up some Halloween candy each day to take to the orphanage. She eats some, and then takes the baggie upstairs to share with her friends.
We have used them to keep food in the fridge… yes, there was plastic wrap in Kiev, but I didn’t notice it until the 3rd day! I use them in my purse to organize vitamins, cold medicine, etc.

I also want to advise parents to pack one or two partial rolls of toilet paper with them in their purse… some restaurants/venues have toilet paper, and others DO NOT!!
Some places have the ceramic “holes in the floor”, for lack of a better term…. And others have nice toilets with toilet paper and hand soap. We saw those “holes in the floor” in Cambodia, too, so we were familiar with them. I’ve been wearing slacks this whole trip, but if you want to wear dresses and pantyhose… well, you are on your own – I wouldn’t have a clue how to navigate that procedure with pantyhose… so good luck!

When we arrived in Mariupol, the apartment is lovely, but there was no toilet paper! So buy some when you get groceries! No tissues, either, so that would be nice to have in your purse as well.

So on Tuesday, I was already getting sick. Once in awhile, while we are waiting in the anteroom for Anastasia to come down, we see a group, or 2-3 kids going by on errands… we seem to see O. a LOT! I think she knows when we are there, and makes sure she has some sort of “business’ to do that brings her by our way. She always has a big smile, hello, and a big hug for me!! She is such a doll! That girl could bring sunshine to Alaska in the winter!! She gave us a small package for R., K., & S… she is such a caring individual… you can see it in how she interacts with her friends here, especially the younger ones! She simply bursts into smiles and hugs each and every time her path crosses ours!

Jeff:

I have received two emails in the last two days that have really made me think about what a special time this is for us. We’re kind of outside the normal world in a little cocoon here. None of the normal responsibilities – not even the ability to really keep up with the real world. We’re here for one thing – spending time with our daughter, and getting the paperwork done to bring her home! One of the emails I mentioned was from a mom who will be following in our footsteps very soon. All I can say is: be prepared to enjoy this very special time with your child – soon you will be back in the day to day!

We left the orphanage around 2ish, ran a couple errands, and then went for lunch. Our translator always seems to have one more document, or one more item of preparation for the party that we will throw at the orphanage after the court appointment. So we stopped at a couple places to do something vague – we never quite get clear on what she’s up to, and then we went to this really cool restaurant that was very European, and yet somewhat kitchy – tables outside, a little river running through the enclosed courtyard, fake trees inside. We really enjoyed it – all of us chose to have soup since Sue started the trend. My sweetie always goes for soup when she’s not feeling well.

The rest of the evening, we just hung out and talked about what’s next. Later, our interpreter did cook dinner again – she is terrific! It was the remainder of the chick, but prepared completely differently; same salad and left-over “porridge”. Sue went with ramen – more soup for my sick wife We discussed the plans – to get the papers from SDA on Wednesday, court date on Thursday. We will have our fingers crossed all day on Wednesday. As I am writing this Wednesday night – we do know the outcome of the paperwork for Wednesday – but you who are reading this real time will need to wait for our next blog…

OK – I can’t do it to you – we are delayed a day due to paperwork: more on that when we write about today – probably first thing tomorrow morning our time, as our interpreter needs to run some errands on her own.

Key point for those following us to Ukraine: be sure to use the local cell phone, and be sure to dial “0001” before the phone number! I made the mistake of using the “+1” on my cell phone. Works in any country. However, using “+1” cost me about $50 for 15 minutes. Using the “0001” (THREE ZEROES!) cost me about $2 for 5 minutes. I wish I had understood the emphasis the translator had put on this the first time she told me!

Jeff and Sue - Day 11 – Finally – a slow day!

2009-10-26T22:23:00.000-07:00

Jeff – Monday, October 26, 2009

Day 11 – Finally – a slow day!

Sue and I have been joking with each other – we have read previous blogs about downtime and boredom – we must be doing something wrong! We brought along a number of books and DVD’s to fill the excess time – we have barely finished two DVD’s of reruns of a series we are watching again. Our interpreter has kept us quite busy, and trust me – this blog has filled a fair amount of the other free time! We’ve really enjoyed doing this, both for our own benefit and for the benefit of some of the people we have heard from. It is a real honor to be able to give some feedback and stories from the orphanage to other parents who still have a child there. Sue has stated repeatedly that we feel that Nastiya is our child that just happened to be born 7000 miles away from us – I know others feel the same way.

As for the time – I think being able to snatch Nastiya from the orphanage for almost an entire day also was a bonus that not everybody has been able to share. Or maybe our interpreter has just figured out that no good can come of leaving us to our own devices – she knows us too well already! We had a good laugh last night: our interpreter was joking about how Sue will go up and talk to anybody. I asked her, “Where do you think Nastiya gets it from?” She got it

So Monday: we did finally get a chance to sleep in. I can’t, but Susie did sleep almost until our interpreter left for the morning. Then we had breakfast, read the bible, read a meditation together, and slowly got ready for the day.

Our interpreter came back around 11:30, and we went for a stroll. Some pictures will be posted in the sidebar. The first stop was a pet shop. Sue wanted to take a cuttle bone and a treat for the parrot at the orphanage. The pet shop is on the ground floor of the same building as the apartment.

We then walked through a nice central park that we have driven past almost every day. It’s about three blocks from the apartment. Once through the park, we walked another two blocks, and we were at the pizza joint we’ve been to several times. You know how when you’re a passenger you don’t really pay attention to the direction? Shoot – the pizza joint is 5 blocks away, the money exchange place was at the end of the block, turn the corner and you’re at the internet café we first visited. Six blocks and we saw everything on the central street that we’d visited! OK –I exaggerate – the toy store, phone store, and radio store were a few more blocks away.

For lunch, our interpreter hailed a cab and took us to a “BBQ”. This really refers to cooking meat over fire – same as our back yard BBQ’s. The meat was excellent. We had two different kinds of pork, but the menu also included sausage, liver, chicken, and fish. The restaurant was quite nice - decorated with boar’s heads on the wall.

The BBQ was two blocks from the orphanage. It was right across the street from the school that Nastiya goes to, which is catty-corner from the orphanage. The orphanage is actually tucked down into a courtyard created by an L-shaped arrangement of large apartment buildings, so we had to walk down the alley/driveway between the buildings to get there, but you can see the school and the orphanage from the entrance to the driveway.

So here we are again in The Green Room. We waited for a few minutes for Anastasia. Since she has chosen the American version, when she came, we said “Previet, Nastiya; Hello Anastasia!” This got a big smile from her.

First thing we did was give the bird his new treats. The cage is in the anteroom to The Green Room, so Nastiya and Sue went out there to give him his treats. When we went into The Green Room, we could hear the bird calling to us. He starts with a gentle whistle, which escalates into a much noisier “request” that you come back and play with him. We would call back to him. I couldn’t help it – I whistled back to him a couple times. Not allowed in Ukraine – don’t whistle indoors!

We had just a great time – doing puzzles, practicing English, butchering pa-rooskie, having Nastiya correct us. We had a good laugh over making a human antenna to try to get a better signal for the radio. The time just disappeared, and suddenly the security guard was telling us it was time to go.

After that huge lunch, we had snacks for dinner. Cheese and salami for me, dates and cookies for everybody (some Ukrainian cookies our interpreter bought – walnut-shaped cookies filled with Nutella).

Sue – Day 11 – Mariupol

Sue here… just a quick note (is it possible???)

I am feeling a little under the weather. Sunday night, I awoke at 4:00am with a choking/scratchy feeling in my throat, and was coughing. I’m not sure if I am getting a cold (I’ve been so very careful to wash hands, use hand sanitizer, and to take my vitamins!), or having an allergic reaction. (I get allergy shots weekly at home…) By Monday evening, my throat is just killing me! I know you can smell the factory smoke everywhere here in Mariupol, it is in the air like burning leaves or something. So I don’t know if I am getting sick, or just reacting to the air, or the cold, or what. I will keep taking vitamins, and see how things develop. I sure did bring the supplies; cold medicine, Tylenol, etc., so if I am sick, I will simply take cold medicine and keep on chugging.

By the way, the weather turned on a dime. One day it was like springtime, and the next day it was downright bitter. I mean hat and gloves kind of autumn chill. You are near the Azov Sea, so the cold damp air feels even more chilly. I am definitely bringing my (skiing) light-weight long johns to wear under my slacks in November!! Brrrrrrr!

Sue and Jeff - Day 10 – Tour of Mariupol

2009-10-26T20:52:00.000-07:00

Sue – Sunday, October 25, 2009

Day 10 – Tour of Mariupol

Today we got up around 8:00 am and headed out around 10:00 to go to a local museum – not far form our apartment. It has the history of Ukraine, form the Mesozoic era until after WWII. There is first a map of Ukraine, with the various regions, then the various mining regions. Ukraine is a big mining country, everywhere. There were maps and samples of stone showing where each type of stone is quarried. Then there wer many fossils form Ukraine, and maps showing where it was form and how many million years ago it was from. Then the Mammoth (NOT Wooly Mammoth – just a mammoth) fossils and pictures; another room had all the wildlife of Ukraine – stuffed mammals, birds, and reptiles; another room had the civilization and migration paths, plus artifacts of early primitive man in Ukraine; another room had the civilization coming through the ages until you get to WWII (The Great Patriotic War).

A great turning point in Ukrainian history was the Great Revolution, 1917. It was when the people revolted against the Czar (the King), and decided NOT to have royalty rule the people, but let all things be for the people – COMMUNISM. It was not until 1991 that they split from Soviet Union, so there is still political discourse on these subjects. You see a lot of tributes to the Great Revolution of 1917, and you see monuments to the Great patriotic War (WWII). So seeing a totally different country’s take on WWII, the Great Depression (in which many, many Ukrainian people died from starvation – Soviet Union would take their food and starve entire villages), and the “Great Revolution” (where people took over their country – the Communist revolution), was very enlightening. It’s a good museum – I truly enjoyed it. Also, in the same building, but for additional entry fee, is a one room wax museum; we took pictures of us with Arnold Schwarzenager, Brad Pitt, Chuck Norris, Beethoven…. Just one room, I could skip this part, but DO go to the museum if you get a chance!

We drove up to the Great Patriotic War memorial and statue honoring all those who died in WWII. The statue had wings, was holding an Olive branch in his right ourstretched hand, and had a machine gun strapped to his left leg… HUH?? But you know war memorials… then off to the top of the “mountain” to overlook the Azov Sea – great views, sunny day… ahhh…. Beautiful!!!

The little village we drove through at the top is called ”Sailor’s Village”; cute little single-family homes. The architecture here is different – they would be more like “cottages”, with those metal corrugated roofs (with ridges) we use at home on sheds. I think it helps to prevent water damage and makes the snow melt off instead of caving in your roof. Makes sense – they are kind of like Tahoe roofs, the very deep snow that they get here will slid eoff before caving in your house. Of course, the large office and apartment buildings in town are built a little differently and look much the same as at home.

We then drove down to the beach. It was a terrific beach; I can only imagine all the people from Mariupol and surrounding areas coming to the beach in the summer, and how crowded it must get. There was a very stylish elegant restaurant right there on the beach, so we went in and had “American Coffee”, which is NOT espresso, but rather a small cup of coffee that is like instant coffee mixed with cream/or milk – quite tasty, but very small cups! I would love to rent one of the many cottages by the sea here.

The only odd thing is that the whole Mariupol area is very, very industrial. My throat is now bothering me… allergies, or the industrial air, I don’t know. The entire sea coast is 90% industrial… seaports, industry, shipyards, docks, factories, and so forth. The :beach area” for people is right next tot the industrial area. People are off in small boats on a Sunday, fishing, and running with their dogs, or just BBQing with their children. The end of autumn, the final throes of summer desires, played out on this little beach. I could feel it, too, this desire to be on the beach, to pick up shells, to grill my last piece of chicken until next spring/summer. Winter is very, very near. But for now, we are on the beach, looking at the small waves, picking up tiny seashells, wishing it were summer again.

We arrived at the orphanage, and Anastasia was ready for us – she was waiting all day!! A little peeved; she was worried! We had spent the entire day with her the day before, but that was a special treat; younger children will not be let out like that, and I don’t think everyone even her age gets to go out like that. So we played with the Snow White puzzle, and we really gave it our best shot, but were unable to finish it! I read somewhere that children doing puzzles stimulates a part of their brain that helps them with… math?.... language skills?... I can’t remember….okay, maybe I didn’t do enough puzzles when I was younger!

Each day, we bring her a little gift or two. Always some sort of treat… these little round cracker things, cookies, candy, a small gift, like a puzzle, or a bouncy ball, or a small jewelry trinket… so each day, she always had something to take back up to her “group” to share. The BIGGEST hit so far (besides the radio, which we now get to hear EVERY SINGLE VISIT – note to parents; give the radio on your LAST day!), is the little “glow in the dark” bracelets. They come 12 to a tube, and I brought four tubes. She shares them with her group, and she told us that everyone loves them at night. You can connect them into a necklace, or keep them as bracelets, but the second day, when I pulled out another tube of 12 bracelets, she jumped up and down and was very, very excited. She is rather blasé about the candy, but quickly puts it into the bag she is taking “upstairs” so she can share it. I like that about her. Even if you give her something she really, really likes, she will break off a piece and offer it to you. For a kid that hasn’t had much in life, it is a good trait to have, and we want to foster that even more with her.

Jeff took lots of pictures. We want to make a photo book of Mariupol, since this is the town in which she was born.

Jeff:

Not much too add – Susie did a really nice job. The visit to the orphanage was funny because of Nastiya’s attitude. When we got there, she was very reserved, even though we came bearing gifts – and ice cream! But when she started talking to the interpreter, it became clear that she was miffed because we had arrived so late in the day, and she had been worried – either that we had been hurt or just that we weren’t coming to spend time with her, I didn’t catch, but either way it really touched me. She’s so committed to this, and I think she got a little spooked. I am so looking forward to talking to her once she speaks English!

Dinner was a real pleasure. Our interpreter offered to make a Ukrainian dinner for us. We stopped at the supermarket, and she got all the fixings. The meat was a chicken dish: she chopped the chicken into chunks and rubbed it with a Ukrainian spice. She sautéed this in safflower oil with onions and cheese. She also made salad (tomatoes, onion, and parsley in an olive oil – we didn’t have vinegar), and “porridge”. The porridge was whole grain buckwheat simmered like rice. For dinner we had it with butter, salt and pepper. We had it for breakfast on Monday with milk and sugar, as instructed. I was really surprised – it was very good. The crowning touch was a treat that our interpreter had bought when we weren’t with her: caviar! We had fresh bread, thinly sliced and lathered with butter, topped with caviar. It was very tasty. We learned that this was a standard food for a celebration – birthdays especially.

Sue and Jeff - Day 9 – Playtime with Anastasia!

2009-10-26T02:08:00.001-07:00

Sue – Saturday, October 24, 2009

Day 9 – Playtime with Anastasia!

Saturday we head out around 10 am. We’ve been taking Melatonin to sleep; otherwise you are up at 4:00am, wide awake. Melatonin tells your body it is sleep time for the next 8 hours. When we return to states, we can use it as well to get to sleep there.

We were allowed to go to the orphanage to take Anastasia out for the day. She first wanted a “radio”, which we did not bring for her, even though she asked for it over the phone some weeks ago, thinking we would let her pick one out. First stop – a toy store. The didn’t have any radios. We did look around a bit, and bought a large Disney puzzle of Snow White, to share with the other kids, and some coloring books for her.

Next stop, a “Best Buy” type of store – vacuums, washing machines, phones, all electronics. We looked in the glass cabinet, and we asked her which one… she actually picked out the cheapest of the three available. I had a set of earplugs from a previous airplane trip, which I gave to her to use with the radio. Most of the headsets they had there were more expensive than the radio itself! And, V.’s words echoed in my mind.. “…the other kids will break it or steal it…” So for about $15 US dollars, we made her very happy.

Then we drove a little way to the ice skating rink. It is a large dome structure, with the ice skating inside with ice…. It has been very warm here, when it’s not raining. Around 65-75 degrees, it feels like. But our translator wears a sweater, and a coat. I had been wearing either short-sleeved blouses, then a lightweight blazer, then a medium weight fall jacket, or a long-sleeved blouse, and same jackets, and I was way too hot! So since we would be ice skating and running around outside, I just wore a ¾ sleeve lightweight sweater, with the outside fall jacket. For anyone that is coming in November/December, they are saying that it “could” snow in Nov, but it WILL be colder, so WINTER apparel is in order. If you are coming in Jan/Feb, then you NEED long johns, winter jackets, boots, head covering and gloves!! I can tell form the morning nip in the air that very soon the weather will snap in the beginning of a very long, bitter, and dreary winter. Our guide told us one day, when we were sitting outside eating pizza, with the sun shining warmly on my arm and face, that it was an “Indian Autumn”… you mean “Indian Summer”??? Yes, Indian Summer! So this warm weather is not exactly the norm, even for October.

Back to Anastasia! The ice skating is a great idea! It is 35 and 20 grivna (adult and child), for 45 minutes of ice skating time (about $4. adult, $2.50 child) They clear the ice at the “:45”, and then you go into the locker area, put on your skates, and go onto the ice when the organ music plays on the hour. I had only been on ice skates about1-2 times in the 20 years I’ve been with Jeff (doesn’t skate, nor does he want to try…), so I don’t know WHY I got elected to go on the ice with her!! I could barely keep myself up! So off we went, Momma and Anastasia, holding onto the railing, scooting around the edge of the rink like sloths. I got my legs a bit, and did not fall, but only because I cautiously went forward only enough to stay with her.

Anastasia laughed, and held onto the side for dear life!! She would get going a bit, but not let go, so she was actually pulling herself off balance, and down she’s go! After a few loops, she did find another Russian-speaking little girl that helped her. I was very happy to see that she would undertake an activity she did not excel at – at least try and flail a bit. It’s a good sign for learning! And since we’re an active family, she will be trying new things (activities, sports, foods, travels, etc..) a lot, so I am happy she will just go off and “DO IT”. Our translator told us the orphanage brings the kids here 1-2 times a year, so Anastasia had been ice skating before, just not often.

Both before and after our ice skating, we played in the children’s park nearby. Across from the ice skating dome, there is a small “village” set up, with little cottages, and a BBQ area. We were told that it is like a little café – you can eat lunch in the houses, and buy food when they cook it. Sure enough, when we came out form ice skating, there were guys cooking on the grill. Then, right past the 4-5 cottages, there is a small children’s playground area. The equipment looks like the kind I had in the 60s… wait, it IS the one I had in the 60s (okay, small joke…). The equipment is very, very old, with many layers of paint. It is the metal kind, with “go-rounds”, and climb-through tubes, and swings. So we got some cute photos of Anastasia being spun around on some of the equipment, and we laughed and tried to tickle her as she spun past us. Again, the day was warm and sunny, but the autumn colors are in full bloom, and are beautiful!

I’m going to let Jeff pick up from here… “Dos-vah-don_yah!” “Good-bye”!

Jeff:

It was really funny watching Nastiya skate – she made a best friend right there on the ice – she had another girl helping her skate almost as soon as Momma took a second to rest.

Once we left the ice rink, we asked Anastasia what she wanted for lunch. She had no real preference – I’m guessing she doesn’t make choices like that very well because she never has the opportunity to make that kind of choice. Well, what does every child love? Pizza! We headed back to the same pizza joint were we had lunch previously. Anastasia picked a seafood salad to go with her pizza. Didn’t surprise me at all – she loved seafood when she stayed with us. Her second favorite next to tomatoes!

After lunch – around 2PM – we still had two more hours to spend with Nastiya. Our driver took us back to a “Luna Park” that we had passed earlier. This was a small park with about 15 rides, mostly very simple rides – think the portable rides that show up at the small fairs in San Jose from time to time – maybe a little larger in some cases. Things like a fun house, ferris wheel, small roller coaster, plus a couple larger rides; what we used to call the hammerhead, and a pretty nice drop zone kind of ride. Nastiya really got into going on the rides. Danged if I hadn’t forgotten to charge my camera – I ran out of juice after the ice rink, so I didn’t get any of these pictures. I think Momma and Nastiya’s favorite was the bumper cars. These are NOT the bumper cars we have in the US – these were moving fast enough to give you whiplash in a head-on! I watched a couple people purposely hit head-on – the crunch was very audible. It was also interesting that the seatbelts were non-existent on most rides. Imagine – personal responsibility! (But the corollary is that we do not have seatbelts in the taxi, either – it’s been driving Sue crazy)

OK – here’s the funniest part: at one point, Nastiya grabbed Momma’s hand to take her over to the bumper cars again. They headed around a big bush one direction, and I headed around from the other direction. When I got to the other side, there was Sue – no Nastiya! I was amazed – how could Sue lose our daughter that fast?? But of course our little sweetie had found a friend. Turns out her teacher/caregiver from a previous school (boarding school?) was there with some other kids. Nastiya was over at the bench chatting her up. Very sweet – she made sure to get her number before we left the park, Jeez – it’s like a friend of mine in San Jose – wherever we go, he’s running in to somebody he knows. Looks like my daughter is going to have the same proclivity – she is absolutely a people-person.

Finally we had to take her back to the orphanage. When we got there, her friends were just coming down the main stairway near the front door. Anastasia got swept up in the tide and just disappeared – no good bye, no Paka – just gone! Sue and I both had a stunned expression on our faces, and we even joked with each other: “no goodbye?”

As soon as we walked out the door, our interpreter, who had noticed our expressions, made it a point to tell us what a good time Nastiya had and how overwhelmed she was with the day – it wasn’t that she doesn’t love us. Sue and I both laughed. We really appreciated the concern our interpreter showed, but having seen the way Anastasia is around other kids, we weren’t seriously surprised or upset. She is a ten year old child who wanted to share her prizes and adventures with her friends, so off she went!

We decided to go back to the apartment and unwind a little before dinner. A cup of tea, a little peeva (beer), and off we went for sushi in Mariupol, Ukraine! OK – so there’s no Japanese people within 500 miles of this city – so what? It turned out to be quite good. It was our first experience with a dinner in a restaurant, and we had the typical experience – kind of. I’ve had dinner in Europe many times, and it takes much longer than dinner in the US. In the US, the restaurant is interested in giving you a good experience, but they want the table for the next party! Not so much in Ukraine – we were there for about 2-/12 hours. The part that we could not understand was the drink service. One of the primary money-makers for a restaurant in the US is the drinks, alcoholic or not. Not here. We didn’t get the drinks we ordered until the meal came – about an hour after we arrived. I think we should have ordered vodka instead of sake – another table came in after us and had their bottle of vodka long before we got our sake. Anyway, good food – but be patient!

Back to the apartment. Our interpreter says she will play tour guide on Sunday, and we will see Nastiya later in the day.

Jeff and Sue: Day 8 – The end of Paper Chase Part 3 – Mariupol

2009-10-24T23:36:00.000-07:00

Jeff – Friday, October 23, 2009

Day 8 – The end of Paper Chase Part 3 – Mariupol

The pace was a bit slower today, but we needed to finish the final document package…

Our first task of the day was acquiring a gift. Nastiya’s brother does not have a phone. We have decided to provide him with one so that he can keep in touch with Nastiya. The cell phones work differently in Ukraine: you do not buy a monthly plan. It’s a pay as you go plan. You buy a phone, and then you buy a card with a certain value of grivna to apply to the phone. For instance, I bought a 50 grivna card a few days ago. The process consists of exposing the code on the back of the card – kind of like a lottery card. Then you type *100*code number# and hit send. The phone says “please wait”, and a few seconds later you get a message that shows what your new balance is. However, you don’t pay at all for incoming calls. It turned out to be extremely inexpensive to supply him a phone and just enough credit so that he will be able to receive calls from Nastiya. Very cool.

I tried to buy the internet modem at the same store, but they only had PCMCIA cards. This would work for my laptop, but I figured I should get a USB card instead – the odds are better that future families will be able to use the card. So off we went to another store. Sure enough, they had this nifty USB card – MTC KOHHEKT (MTC CONNECT). Once I purchased the card, I plugged it into the USB port. The first thing I saw was the installation message about a mass storage device and then a message about a new modem. The next thing that happened was the setup program started automatically. How about that – the device came with a disk partition that launched the driver installer. Very slick. I chose the English language option – the girl who sold it to me, who so far had only spoken Russian through the interpreter, said, “You don’t want to use the Ukrainian option?” We had a laugh about that, and then we had a nice conversation in English about how long I was here, etc. Very funny – everybody speaks English.

The one other detail about the card: you don’t buy unlimited access like you do in the US: the unit of measure is actually the amount of data transferred. The card came with a plan that provides 4GB of data, but only 1GB before 10/31. So I measured: looks like we can be fairly judicious with our web browsing and use about 25MB per hour. This will give us ~40 hours of connect time before we leave Ukraine. With care, this should work. If it doesn’t, the card can be re-charged the same way as I described with the phone. The cool part is that the cost for 10GB is 250 grivna – about $30. That’s ball-park 40 hours of connect time. Obviously not as easy as just staying connected like I do in the US with my Verizon card, but hey – lots cooler than hanging at the internet café and trying to do the transfer etc. Plus the travel time to and from the café – so far we’re wondering when we’re going to get to the slow part of this trip that we’ve heard about. We will get to that – but more about that tomorrow.

Finally, around 10:45, we headed over to the orphanage to meet with Nastiya and her brother. It was really great to meet him – he’s a really nice young man, and it’s obvious how much he cares for his sister. He is a very shy person, so the majority of the time was spent explaining how they could keep in touch using this phone and how we can use mail. We took plenty of pictures, got his address, asked if he had any questions, etc. I think he was quite overwhelmed with the entire meeting, as well as the fact that his sister will be living practically on the other side of the planet.

After the orphanage, we headed off for lunch – pizza! It was really good. Quite different, but we really enjoyed it. After that we needed to finish the applications at – you guessed it – the notary bureau! Back to the notary bureau. We got there around 3 PM when we were supposed to have our appointment, but the papers weren’t ready. Our interpreter said she needed to get some other papers taken care of that the orphanage, so we headed back over there. We got there, and our interpreter told us to wait. Of course we asked if we could hang with Nastiya while we waited, and she went to check. On the way in, her phone rang – the papers were ready at the notary bureau! “Everything changed – get back in the car!” Back we went to the bureau, and sat quietly while the girl in the office (secretary? Assistant?) finished typing the documents, and then our interpreter went over them in great detail. Half an hour later, six copies of the application were placed in front of us for signature and printed names. By number six, I couldn’t remember how to spell my own name

As soon as we finished signing, the guy at the notary took off like a shot. Our interpreter said that we’re done! Paper chase done! Now we wait for the court date. Our interpreter says that everything is done in a timely manner, so can ask for the court date next Thursday. This is exactly the time frame that we have been shooting for: if we can have the appointment in the morning, then we have the party at the orphanage right after lunch and then jump in the car and drive 2 hours back to Donets’k. From there we fly to Mariupol, and on Friday we make a stop at the Embassy – maybe. We still have not figured out exactly how to do the second trip – whether we both come or just Susie comes on her own. If we both come, then I don’t need to go to the embassy. I think we’re leaning this way right now. But if just Susie comes back, then we have to fill out a form at the Embassy while I’m here on this trip. So currently, we plan to do that Friday if required, then catch our currently scheduled flights on Saturday with an overnight in London.

Anyway, we headed back to the orphanage, hung with Nastiya in the hallway for about 10-15 minutes while our interpreter read a letter to one of the other kids who had come to San Jose, then we headed home for a quiet dinner in the apartment.

To bed!

Sue – Friday, October 23

Day 8 – Mariupol – End of Papers (for Now)

Sue here… I think Jeff blogs beautifully! Just adding my own impressions here…

Meeting Nastiya’s brother was emotional for me. I liked him very, very much! I could see he was not only overwhelmed, but also very heartbroken. He regularly visits his sister in the orphanage. At 15 years old, he is almost “adult”. When children hit 16, they can work 35 hours a week (7 hours a day instead of the real “adult” 8 hours a day). In the states, they are still “children” until 18 (or graduate high school…), but here, they are working and supporting the sick or elderly adults at 16, with no stipend or other help from the government. It is a little unnerving for me, since Connor just turned 16 in July, and thinking of him working full-time to support me or Jeff, at home sick with TB or cancer. The brother’s dad has TB. A good percentage of the people have tested positive for TB, it is common here. He is living at a boarding school (right now) five days a week, and then living mostly with his aunt on the weekend (they call the 2-day weekend “holiday” – it’s a translation thing).

This brings to mind a story I wanted to share. The first day we saw Nastiya, Wednesday, one of the many questions I asked her was, “Do you still have the two albums we made for you”? “Nyet.” “Did you lose them?” “Nyet.” “Did the other kids grab them and ruin them?” “Nyet.”…. she became increasingly frustrated… the interpreter/translator was out of the room doing official business at the moment, so we were left with usual communication techniques… Russian/English book and hand gestures and limited words…. Then I thought (with her kind, caring nature….) “Did you GIVE it away?!?” “Da…” and she shook her head “yes”. Ahhhh!! I laughed… “Did you give it away to a boy or a girl?” Pause… “A boy!” “A boy you like?” “Da.”
Jeff and I laughed, thinking she gave her Disney album to some boy she liked. Pretty generous (and I couldn’t help thinking about the 3-4 hours I labored over it, picking all the right pictures out of the hundreds of pictures of our Disney trip to put into it!) I was a little disappointed. I thought she would NEVER let go of the Disneyland album! The hundred best pictures of our very busy two days in Disneyland and California Resort?!? Gone?!? Sigh…

Then on Wednesday, when the translator came back in, we asked her to translate – WHO did Nastiya give the albums to??!!?? And we found out WHO – her brother! She gave not just the Disney album, but the other, larger album, with the ENTIRE visit to America in it, to her brother, so he could have a connection to her and to the family where she will be living. He could see pictures of her house, her dog , her cat, her new Momma, her new Papa, her new “Brat” (brother), the park near the house with the fountain – all the memories I so lovingly labored to put into photo albums for HER to remember us, she selflessly gave to her brother, so he could remember. That’s love. Okay, it brought tears to my eyes, again. I love that girl!

The other story from the other day was how Nastiya called over the other caregivers whenever they went by to show them the photos on Jeff’s computer of her “Novi Brat”… her “new brother”… the translator explained how she’d been very excited about having Connor as her new brother! Apparently, while we were in California thinking about her, she was driving everyone crazy here talking about us to them!!

So, on Friday, we loved the time with her brother, exchanged addresses, gave him a phone, talked, and then went outside to take more pictures… he wanted a lot of pictures of her. We took pictures of all of us, and of her and her brother, and of her alone. He is too big to cry, but throughout the entire meeting, there were times I thought he was going to… and the obvious 500 hundred pound gorilla in the room was… he was here, working full time in the next few months to support his sick dad and his aunt, perhaps, when Nastiya will be with us, finishing high school, going to college, having opportunities he could never even dream of…
It was sad, but ultimately, his love for her, and recognizing the “better life” for her with us is the right choice. So he signed the agreement to let her go (earlier in the week). In Ukraine, the extended family must agree to let them be adopted, so other families will go through this process.

The other thing about our very limited meeting with Nastiya in the hallway later in the afternoon was this: I shared a chair with Nastiya, and we let her listen to the mini-ipod that Connor gave to her, and that Jeff had loaded all her Russian CDs onto.

Dark-haired V. came down to visit with the translator, who the children know from visits with families…

J. from mid-west will know who I’m talking about… So, V. was very, very excited to have the letter interpreted for him. (The other day, Wed, I think, when we briefly saw the other children, and gave them the gifts the families sent, we had not had time to speak with each one individually with the interpreter… Someone came in and hurried the children out… so we never got a chance to speak with each child individually…)

So here V. was, having the letter from his new family read to him by the interpreter. He was very excited, and really, really enjoyed having the letter interpreted!! Joy, excitement, and a very focused interest was placed on that letter! He was animated and also counseled Nastiya in NOT taking the ipod back to her dorm, saying to her – “it will get broken or stolen by other children… so let your Momma and Papa take it!” There was a very animated discussion between him and Nastiya about whether or not she should take the ipod back to her dorm. We wanted to keep it for her to have on the 30 hour-two days of travel to get home in November… so we were happy to have V. as an advocate on our side. Shows wisdom.

On Friday night, I made some smoked mackerel – boiled – and home fries and onions. YUM! I cannot find the salted mackerel in California, so when I saw it in the package at the store, I pounced on it! Yup. It did taste a lot like the salted mackerel and home fries we used to have for Sunday brunch at Aunt Helen’s house, when I was about six years old. Our interpreter was polite – Jeff ate leftovers….

And the saga continues…..

Jeff & Sue - Day 7 - The Paper Chase Part 3 – Mariupol

2009-10-23T12:21:00.001-07:00

Jeff – Thursday, October 22, 2009

Day 7 – The Paper Chase Part 3 – Mariupol

I’m writing this on Friday evening at about 6PM local time. I didn’t take really great notes for yesterday, so I’m sitting here trying to remember what we did. It was another crazy busy day – but more for our interpreter than for us!

Our interpreter headed out at about 8:30 to get some paperwork done. It’s all running together for me now. She keeps describing a local resolution, an SDA resolution, and a court resolution – also referred to as an application. I think all of these are being run through the notary bureau now – we seem to drop her off or wait for her outside that office quite a bit.

We were picked up around 10:30 and headed over to the orphanage. We did get to spend quite a bit of time with Nastiya, but we also got a chance to talk to the social worker and the director. The social worker was amazing – she had Nastiya pegged from what we could tell. The character traits and behaviors that we noticed while Nastiya was staying with us were all described in detail by this woman. One of the things that we continue to see is a real caring sentiment and a deep understanding of these children by the workers at the orphanage. It may not be the best situation for any child, but these people are doing an amazing job to make it the best it can be under the circumstances. So we heard about how Nastiya interacts with other children, her teachers and her caregivers. We learned about her learning style and her favorite topics. We were told about strengths and weaknesses. Overall, a very detailed review of a delightful young lady.

Our time with the director was quite inspiring, actually. It was obvious that she knew Nastiya and cared very much about what Nastiya wants and what will make her happy. I can only assume she has this level of interest and detail about all of “her kids”, but it really felt good to know that she had spent time understanding Nastiya’s wishes and was interested in making those wishes come true.

One of the things that we confirmed during the conversations over these two days was that Nastiya has an older brother and a younger sister. The sister has been out of contact for quite some time – no one is quite sure when they last lived together or spoke. But her 15 year old brother has kept contact and regularly visits Nastiya in the orphanage. The director reiterated the fact that the brother has agreed that this is the best thing for Nastiya, but that he wants to maintain communication with his sister. We were extremely pleased to hear this. First because we also learned that Nastiya wants to stay in contact with her brother. Second, for an ulterior motive: we believe that it will be good for Nastiya to keep her native language: well, now she’ll have to. Sneaky, but what a great situation – she gets the benefit of keeping a language and also of keeping in touch with her “brat”.

The other thing that we learned is that we need the approval of the brother, the sister, the director (of the orphanage), the inspector, the SDA, and the local court. Holy smokes! Well, more on that on Friday, but the short answer is the brother, who had kept touch with her and obviously loves her (we meet him on Friday) has given his approval. The rest is easy, right?

When we finished at the orphanage around 1:45, we headed for… wait for it… the notary bureau! Our interpreter ran in, and when she came out, as I wrote yesterday, we asked the interpreter to help us find an internet modem. She went into two stores to look for one, and at the second one she handed me a price list, said we should think about it, but we would have to do it tomorrow if we wanted it. She told us in a very distracted voice that they would drop us at a restaurant. Since we had not been online for days, we asked instead if we could just go to the internet café. Our driver dropped us at the café and we got two terminals for an hour – 5 grivna each – 10 total (about $1.25). We caught up on email, I copied the blog that you read from yesterday onto a stick, which I connected to my internet computer via a USB port mounted on the desktop (no computer was visible), and then I uploaded the text. Truly a pain as the chairs were all of 6 inches apart – so I had to juggle getting my laptop out of my bag, get the stick loaded, the guy next to me needs to squeeze out… It was a fun juggling act.

When our driver and interpreter picked us up about an hour and a half later, our interpreter was still very distracted. She had the driver drop us at the apartment and they took off. We had a snack, chatted, puttered around for a while, and finally made dinner – still no interpreter. Finally, about three hours after she had dropped us off, she came breezing in. We got the whole story – the papers she needed to finish had to be done that night or else we would add three days to the process. Bless her heart, she kept at it until the documents were done. But these documents needed to be sent back to SDA in Kiev, and they were finished too late to catch the bus to Kiev. So she had to have our Mariupol driver meet our Donets’k driver half-way, then do the pony express thing to get the papers to the Donets’k stop on time, then have them sent overnight to Kiev. But she made it! Our papers would be in Donets’k on Friday. No delay!

So we gave her dinner

I spoke to David, and we chatted about the internet card for a while. I’ve decided to buy the card, and we’ll use it the second trip, if I come back with Sue, if not, figure out a way to pass it on.

Sue – Thursday, October 22

Day 7 – Mariupol – Hurry Up & Wait!

Jeff did a great blog! It was one of those days. First, we could sleep in until 8:30, because we weren’t leaving the apartment until 10:00am. So it was leisurely coffee, get ready, then, hurry, hurry, hurry! Then wait in the car for 20 minutes, then hurry, hurry, hurry, then wait in the car, or go in the office, then back in the car, then wait… it was pretty frantic, as other families have aptly called HURRY UP & WAIT.

The description Jeff wrote about the social worker (school psychologist in the USA) was perfect! She cares deeply for her children… she was the one who stopped by several times while Nastiya, Jeff and I were in the outer room, playing Uno, while another family was in the green room with a child. I thought she was just another caregiver, because she was kind and loving, and Nastiya quickly started jabbering to her about me, Jeff, the card game, etc… So I was surprised when she showed up as the “social worker”.

The one thing I have noticed about the caregivers, from the cooks to the Doctor, to the assistant directors, is that everyone has a CONNECTION to the kids – the kids run up and start telling them things about the visit. There is a kindness I didn’t anticipate, but sort of guessed at due to the love and caring I saw when they were out here with a caregiver. It is NOT an “Oliver Twist” type of orphanage!!

We keep seeing children, dressed warmly in coats and leggings, going outside to play. When one of them (that knows us) strays from the pack, to give us a smile or big hug (like O. did every time she saw us… R. L-C, you know who I’m talking about…), the caregivers gently motion to them, never screaming or yelling. These kids DO have rules, and take them seriously. Of course, they have to have rules, there are over 100 children here. They put the children into “pods”, which have around 10-12 kids, best as I can tell… some older, and some younger. This is only for hanging around, not for school. For school, they of course go to their own grade, and we are pleased to know that Nastiya is in 5th grade, which is exactly the grade she will be in San Jose. The translator pointed out the school they attend is only a block away, but we haven’t gone close to it yet to get a photo.

We didn’t spend much time with Nastiya at all – some Uno, some pictures, some candy and gifts, then the Social Worker’s meeting with us took a lot of time (without Nastiya), then we had to leave for the next document chase!

It is still a surreal experience. I am picking up more Russian words. When Jeff and the translator went off to look for, then eventually buy the modem card, it was a lot of time in the car alone with our driver. Well, far be it from me NOT to talk, just because we don’t speak each other’s language… NYET! I dug out the Russian/English small handbook, and we gesticulated, and “flip-flip-flip”, and then find a word or phrase, then she corrects my pronunciation, then we figure out what the heck the other is trying to say… we “spoke” about husband, marriage, children, school, professions, schooling, and families.

She wanted to know if I worked, what I did, how many children, where I live. We talked about her past schooling, her daughter, her grand-daughter, her daughter’s schooling. I spoke about quitting my job to raise my son… about the type of city, with how many people, and she spoke of the population of Mariupol, and yes, she lived here her whole life; her husband was not from here, but a small town not far away. We talked about places we visited, what type of car we had back in USA. This is all with her knowing a very little amount of English, and me knowing even less Russian. We laughed very hard at times, but managed to get 80 percent of what the other was speaking about. Not bad… not bad at all. A rainy but successful day.

Jeff & Sue - Day 6 - Meet with Anastasiya

2009-10-23T04:34:00.000-07:00

Sue – Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Day 6 – Meet with Anastasiya - Mariupol

Here we are, at the orphanage. I’m sitting in the green room, waiting to see “what’s next”, when the door opens, and the Assistant Director is standing there with Anastasiya. The last time I saw her, she was turning and waving good-bye at the SFO airport, going through security. I waved, smiled, got up and ran over to her at the same time she ran toward me. I threw my arms around her, and, not letting go, spun her around. I didn’t ever want to let her go again! I kissed her head, I patted her hair; I wanted to drink her in. It is a surreal moment. I hadn’t seen her since July 25th. I kept looking at her, she kept looking at me. The same dancing eyes, the same cute grin, but she looked so pale, so fragile.

It’s all a blur now, but we talked, using our translator. We showed pictures on Jeff’s computer. We asked her about school. They are on holiday this week, but I cannot tell which holiday, because in Kiev it is the following week and here it is this week. She was a little hesitant at first, but opened up, and spoke a lot more, realizing she had an interpreter at her disposal.

We had “the talk” about names. First, we asked her about her last name. She wanted “Stilwell”, of course.
Then we asked her about her first name. “Keep Anastasiya”? Yes, she wanted to keep Anastasiya as her first name. Then we showed her the two “Americanized” spellings of the name:
ANASTASIYA versus ANASTASIA
We told her you can still pronounce it “ah-nah-sta-CEE-yah”, regardless of which way she spelled it. We pronounced the Anglicized Anastasia, and said this was a Russian princess, and many people know the name “Anastasia”, but said of course she could keep the other spelling, Anastasiya. To our very great surprise, she chose ANASTASIA, and stated that she wanted it pronounced “ah-na-STAY-jah”. I’m not sure about my phonetic thing here, but it’s the way you normally pronounce Anastasia, but instead of “Anna-“, it starts with the Russian-sounding “Ana-“.

What about the middle name? In Ukraine, they say it bad luck for a girl to have a female middle name – it is usually the father’s name, with an “-ova” at the end. We told her about Connor’s middle name, being my maiden name. We told her about my grandmother, Helen, so she could use “Olena”, or “Lena”, the Ukrainian version of Helen, “Neva”, from Jeff’s mother’s name, or “Michelle”(male version Michael), which Jeff and all his siblings have as their middle names (so that would be naming her after Jeff, which Ukrainian custom…). She said she had talked with her brother (15 years old and living with HIS father), about it, and they had talked about using her younger sister’s name as her middle name. She has not seen her in awhile, but has regular visits from her brother. She is thinking about it this. We are pleased to keep whatever part of her past she wants, and it would be a lovely tribute to her little sister.

The brother is sorry to see her go, but realizes that her opportunities are very limited if she stays here, as there isn’t any family for her to take her in. She has a half-brother and a half-sister, but the means are not available to provide for her. So, he is approving of her to be our daughter, as long as we promise to stay in touch with him. We are delighted that she has connection with family here! It is healthier for her, and will be a great reason for her to keep her Russian language skills. In Kiev, everyone speaks Ukrainian, but understands Russian; they are similar. Here in Mariupol, almost everyone reads, writes, and is educated in Russian, but perhaps speaks Ukrainian at home.

Of course, there are a bunch of details that Jeff will blog about, but there is one other critical, emotional impacting, insightful, powerful event I wanted to write about. All along, since we first met Anastasia, I felt that “THIS IS MY DAUGHTER”… “What is my daughter doing in Ukraine?” We have felt a powerful connection to her. She seemed to like us, too!

At the end of the day, Anastasia had to go, so off she went, with hugs, and kisses, and good-byes, and more hugs, and smiles, and waves… she finally walked out the door, then waved one more time.
We were in the green room, packing up our belongings. Our translator told us about an incident the happened during the four months since we saw her last:

A Ukrainian couple had come to adopt Anastasia. She was still on the SDA registry. Until ALL your home study, paperwork, your entire dossier is done, translated, sent in to the SDA, and approved (i.e.: you get an appointment date with SDA - which happened the latter half of September for us), the child is still available. It is a first come, first served system. She was on the local registry for a couple months, then on the Ukrainian national registry for a year; she just became available around the end of August/beginning September for International adoption.
Sometime during August/early September, a couple came to spend their time with Nastiya. They wanted to adopt her….. SHE SAID “NO”!
Oh, boy, here I go again… tears welled up in my eyes. What? This child could have stayed in Ukraine, with her native language & culture, and still see her brother… and…. She said “NO”??!!??
Yes, the translator told us, Anastasia talks about us all the time, about what we did together, about us coming to get her, about us getting approval to adopt her. The translator said Anastasia is very excited about us. We were pleasantly surprised that she, too, feels the connection to us, as we do to her. I was shocked, to say the least. I felt honored. I felt a great wave of relief! We were that close to losing her, but she had faith in us, that we would do what we said we’d do, that we were indeed the right family for her, that she would be our daughter! What a brave little girl! At 10 years old, to have an opportunity to leave the orphanage with a Ukrainian family, but to stay put and have faith that we would come for her.
A very big decision for a very little girl! Okay, now I’m crying.

I’m so proud of her – it seems that she loves us too!!

Jeff – Wednesday, October 21

I love our translator – she is absolutely fabulous. A few more details before we head out the door would be useful

We headed out in the car with the husband of the usual driver in Mariupol. I guess the car that was normally used needed some repairs, so the usual driver was taking care of that. So off we go to get copies of the documents and then a quick stop at the inspector to get the local approval to visit the orphanage. Step two of the process complete! The inspector was so busy, she did not have the time to interview us, and so off we went to the orphanage.

Around 10-10:15, we turned down a tiny street and into a parking lot, and there was the familiar front door with the bright yellow entryway around it. We’ve seen so many pictures that I felt like we had been there before! So what’s the first thing we did? Of course – we took our OWN picture of the doorway. We then went inside; there were stairs just in front of us and a long hallway next to the stairs. To the left is a hallway with the offices; director, assistant director, etc., and to the right are two rooms where we would spend the majority of our time in the orphanage. The first room was fairly large with a couch, a piano, some plants, and an African grey parrot. Continue through that room, and you get to The Green Room. I feel like it needs capital letters after all the different journeys we have read describing the orphanage. But they were both quite comfortable – we spent part of our visit on the couch in the first room, and then quite a bit of time in The Green Room with Nastiya. Oh yeah – you read Sue’s description above, right? So here we were – almost exactly three months to the day since Nastiya had left the US. Of course the first month or so of that time had been crammed full with the paperwork chase, and of course the doctor’s appointments, court record visits (divorce papers for Jeff, etc. marriage certificate for Jeff and Sue!), home study appointments, notary visits, lawyer discussions, and all the rest. The next chunk of time was spent sending the documents to Ukraine, waiting for the date…getting the date…waiting to travel…traveling…

After all that process, after 23+ hours of travel to get to Kiev, after four days in Kiev to get the right papers, after a plane ride and two hour car ride to Mariupol: finally the reason for all of this effort walks in the door and immediately lights up and runs for a hug from her “mama”. A huge weight came off my shoulders: we had made it through all of the process, we had made it through all of the waiting, we had come for the girl, and it all came together in that one instant: this girl will be coming home with us as our daughter.

Just before Nastiya came in, we spent some time with the assistant director and the doctor. They read through all of the files with us: medical history, family history, brothers and sisters and current status of each, living conditions prior to and since she has come to the orphanage. There were lots of valuable details provided during this session. We did bring a small digital recorder so that we captured everything they said. Our interpreter was there, of course, so we got the greater majority of the information, but this way we can go back and listen to it. (Thanks to the notes and blogs that suggested we bring the recorder)

The time with Nastiya was just a blur. We talked about her name (I was truly surprised that she chose the Anglican pronunciation and spelling), we gave her some gifts we had brought with us, we played Uno (she made sure to stick me with all of the “bad” cards” – still loves to tease me – same girl!), we showed her pictures, and when the inspector arrived and asked her if she wanted to spend time with us, she very emphatically said yes and said that she wanted to be our daughter. She also showed some of the pictures to the interpreter and one of her caregivers and referred to Connor as her brother.

We did also get to see some of the other children that had come to visit families in the US, and we were able to give them the gifts and messages that their respective parents had given us to pass along to the kids. It was kind of amusing: the inspector supposedly doesn’t know that these kids have been to the US. When we filed the paperwork with the Ukrainian government, of course we filed a “known child” application, meaning we knew who we were coming for. So of course they asked how we knew here, and we openly discussed the visit to our home. But now in Mariupol, the inspector doesn’t know that we had Nastiya as a guest, and she’s not supposed to know. So all the sudden the assistant director came flying in the room while all these kids were looking at and showing their gifts to each other, and she started talking very excitedly. The kids got very animated, collected their stuff, and disappeared in a heartbeat. We thought we’d done something wrong. Turns out the inspector was on her way in!

The time was over in a blink – as Susie describes. Lots of hugs and smiles, “zoftra”, “paka” (tomorrow, see you later). Off went Nastiya and away we went to the supermarket. We picked up a bottle of champagne (our interpreter’s favorite) to celebrate!

One other quick note on the day: lunch was fantastic! Our interpreter took us to a Ukrainian restaurant named after a folk tale. She told us the story – I’ll have to find it and add a link to this blog. The gist of the story was about a boy who made a deal with the devil to win the heart of his girl, who had told him she would love him if he brought her a pair of the queen’s shoes. (I may have a detail or two wrong – but the queen’s shoes, the girlfriend and the devil were all in there somewhere – language barrier). Anyway, we had borscht (wonderful), some sort of pork with mustard (spicy & very tasty), and a sort of ravioli-type pasta. Ours were filled with meat, and our interpreter got them filled with cherries. The meal came with lots of sour cream and brown bread. Fantastic.

Sue - Day 5 - Travel from Kiev to Mariupol

2009-10-22T04:38:00.000-07:00

Sue – Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Day 5 – Kiev to Donetsk to Mariupol

We slept in today, since the driver was not picking us up until 3:00pm to go to SDA to pick up the approval documents. The docs are not ready until after 4:00 or 5:00pm, so you just have to wait. You cannot take the train to Mariupol, because it leaves at 4:30, and there would be no way to get the docs and then drive to the train station and get the 4:30 train. I was looking forward to a private sleeping car for 16 hours (romantic), but it was kind of silly to take a 12 hour train to Donetsk (leaving later, around 8-9pm), arrive at 9-10 in the morning, get your bags, and THEN drive 2 hours to Mariupol, and not start the official business until after noon. So we fly.

The day started out slowly – no alarm clocks – and we had a “clean up” day for eating… eggs, great – toast, leftover steak, rice, banana, and whatever else we could use up over breakfast and lunch. It was a drizzly day, and we had to pack EVERYTHING back in those suitcases… did all this stuff really fit into those 5 suitcases? Hard to believe! I shuffled and juggled all the items; clothes, toys, candies, toiletries, emergency supplies, vitamins, etc, etc, etc… until no bag weighed more than 50 pounds… for check in. It took awhile, but we managed to do it before 3:00pm.

Our driver took us back downtown to the SDA office. We waited in line with about 6-7 other families. It was rainy and a little chilly, which made the cobblestone streets slippery and the pathways a little muddy. Unless you are a professional high-heel die-hard, then I would recommend NOT wearing high heels. I wear flats, so it didn’t bother me, but I walked gingerly across the muddy areas and wet cobblestone anyway… no sense coming this far and breaking your arm and not making your appointment! Okay, I worry. The actual appointment was only about 10 minutes or less. Maria, the lovely clerk from the day before, was now downstairs in a little windowed office right by the entrance door. She was still kind and gentle, and had a big “Zdrahst-wicha” and smile for every family. She makes you feel like YOU are very special and she is happy to be helping JUST YOU. She was wonderful!

So after a 30 minute wait, and 5-10 minutes of signatures and passport-checking, off we go with the paperwork; pick up our translator, and long drive to the airport (an hour or so in rush hour with rain…). It was nice to see Kiev again; each time you notice something different. For me, it is always a shock to see the dichotomy of absolute poverty and relative wealth all in one city block. Here, a new high-rise going up, or shiny lighted store with neon lights, and the next is a run-down 50 year old high-rise apartment building badly in need of TLC, with clothes hanging out the window on a makeshift clothesline. The other thing htat fascinated me is the highway/freeway going to the airport has these large, neon lights for the route number, speed limit, exit number (?)… They are right across the highway (like the large green signs with white lettering in USA), with brilliant blue and red lights across a bland background; very pretty.

The airport for local Ukrainian traffic is small, with only 4 Gates, but very, very busy! We waited in the small café (they had sushi but we were not that brave) for about an hour, then checked in our 5 bags. The two bags that Jeff and I normally carry on were too big for the smaller airlines. BE AWARE… it is VERY SMALL for carry on! So have your valuables in a backpack or briefcase or small travel case (you know, the kind grandma used to visit with), because that 19”x9”x14” that US airlines call “Carry On” will NOT be here!! The flights do not go to Mariupol; you fly to Donetsk (9:00pm) and then drive about 2 hours to Mariupol (1:00AM).
The funny thing about the airport is you walk down the stairway from the plain to the tarmac, walk to a bus, and the bus drives a short distance to the terminal. You are packed in like sardines, and you wish more people showered daily, like you do, or stressed about things less… if you get my “drift”. Then when the bus stops at the terminal, you wait for your bags, which arrive in the large baggage cart. We had an EXCELLENT driver who knew when to go around potholes or slow down for police radar traps, and although the roads weren’t “smooth” they certainly were no worse than many in and around San Jose.

We stopped at grocery store for water and milk, and then to the apartment – short wait for our “host” to bring the keys. The apartment is lovely by any country standards. It has beautiful wood trim, tall ceilings, modern kitchen, tiled bath, and is decorated very lavishly. There was no toilet paper anywhere we oculd find when we arrived, so my two rolls of “emergency toilet paper” I had been keeping (one in my purse, one in my checked bag) sure came in handy.
NOTE: Have toilet paper handy with you, in your carry-on bag… some places have it, and others do NOT. I used the one from my purse on at least two occasions so far, and we are only day 5 ( only 12 more days to go…). Speaking of toilets; the apartments have real toilets; public toilets are a lot like Cambodia (but without the mud and chickens), where there is a tiled bathroom, with a trench-like opening ON THE FLOOR. Think deep-knee squats. (Ladies, if you wear pantyhose, you are on your own…). Most places, the paper goes in a waste can, not the flush toilet. Okay, I’m done. Gross part over.

We were VERY tired at 1:30 in the morning when we checked in. We were so disoriented, that neither Jeff nor I could find our toothpaste…. (Didn’t we just pack it 6 hours ago??) I felt grungy form being jammed into a small plane and crowded bus, and sweaty, long, rainy rides, so I showered (nice, consistent-temperature, wonderful shower!) and crashed hard!

Tomorrow we see Anastasiya for the first time since July…
“Jeff…. I’m so excited!”
“Ya toe-sha (Me, too!)”

TOMORROW!!

Notes from Jeff:

I'm adding these notes on a computer at the internet cafe. I have a lot more respect for those who have gone before and have not had the luxury of surfing on a bottlegged connection in the apartment. We haven't found a network in Mariupol that is available from the apartment here like we did in Kiev. Sue had typed everything above on word before we left for the orphanage this morning. It will be much harder to stay on target with timely posts this way. We may go ahead and purchase an internet wireless access card - it's pricey, but we're both suffering from email withdrawal. Aside from the personal stuff that we both need to keep up with (carpool changes, Connor communication), there are also business issues and other communications that just need to occur. Our interpreter just checked this out - it looks like somewhere around 1500 grivna ($190 US), we could have unlimited internet for the rest of the trip. If it's really a purchase of the card, we may be able to give it to our facilitator for use by future families. Heck - that's how we got our phone for use here!

OK - about Tuesday:

Not much to add. I would emphasize what Susie said above about getting to work. We just casually asked our translator if she was glad that we flew instead of taking the train. Her comment was that yes, she was very glad, because that meant she could get to work on our documents first thing in the morning. Now, I'm not sure if doing this in the afternoon would have just been an inconvenience, or if it could have concievably extended the process, but of course we want every opportunity to make sure everything goes smoothly! So overall I think the flight was an easy choice - for us.

We have decided to work on the next post from home as well - haven't decided about the card yet, but Susie really wants to work from home. Lots to add Wednesday was an action-packed day!

Sue & Jeff - Day 4 - SDA Appointment

2009-10-20T03:55:00.000-07:00

Sue – Monday, October 19, 2009 (slideshow in sidebar)

Day 4 – Appointment with SDA.

This is the big day!!!

We awoke at 7 am, because our facilitator and driver were meeting us to take us to SDA.
I was imagining some KGB-type of department, stern and judgmental, so I was more than a little nervous!

The drive was around 30 minutes or so, then we parked to wait until our 11:00am interview time. The cobblestone streets rumbled under tires as we drove. I couldn’t wait to move past this meeting. Little street side vendors were putting their goods out as we sat and waited. Our facilitator knew I was anxious, so we moved inside the building to wait, with about 3 other families, inside the stairwell. Some families came out – some more families came in. One spoke Italian… one spoke French (we thought). We didn’t speak at all. In a very short time, a lady came out to lead us into the offices. They were clean and neat, very warm and inviting. Pictures of children on the walls reminded me of the nature of their department. “State Department of Adoption” - SDA. Here we were, at the coveted “SDA” appointment we so longed for after submitting our dossier.

The SDA agent, Maria, sat down and started shuffling through the folder that had Anastasiya’s picture on it. She was dressed very stylishly in a black dress, with sheer sleeves, and had a very European hairstyle and makeup. She reviewed the folder briefly, then looked at us, smiled, and said “Passports, please” in Ukrainian (or Russian?). Our facilitator translated; we complied. She verified names in the adoption folder with our passports, smiled, and handed the passports back to us. “Spa-cee-ba.” Maria spoke, then our facilitator translated, then we spoke, and the facilitator translated again.

“You came for Nastiya?”

“Yes.”

And in that moment, the weeks and months of paperwork, appointments, fingerprinting, schedule shuffling, calendar arranging, packing, traveling, and waiting all came down to one answer.
Yes, we came for Nastiya. Tears welled up in my eyes. I smiled, to make them go away. They didn’t. We came to get the girl. How simple it sounds, but it was a powerful moment. The first time I saw Connor on the ultrasound screen, I felt this way. It may seem odd, since we’ve already met her and hosted her, but this was the moment that we found out that yes, she was still available, and yes, she was going to our daughter.

I don’t remember the rest of the questions (Jeff probably does), but something about Maria just made me want to show her our photo album of Nastiya. She went through the album slowly, and I shared a story here or there about the photo. Maria was kind, caring, and very loving toward the soon-to-be-adopted child’s pictures. She smiled, and made comments, and was very empathetic.

The rest of the day was anti-climactic, hanging out, taking a walk, and eating dinner in the apartment.

We took a short nap after lunch, then went out for a walk. The temperatures have been lows in the 30’s, highs in the 50’s. It has been partly overcast, partly sunny, and no rain while we’ve been here. Apparently, it rained like crazy right before we arrived, so the ground is still damp, but we’ve had no rain.
The apartment here in Kiev is in a large complex of apartment homes. They rise about 10-29 stories high, much like we saw in Singapore or Hong Kong. Kiev’s population is about 5 million, a sizable city, out of Ukraine’s 46 million. So when you are in the “residential” part of Ukraine, as opposed to the “downtown” part of Ukraine, there is just street after street of high-rise apartment/condo buildings. Most are in need of repair, lacking maintenance and paint; you can tell that Ukraine’s economy has not been thriving for the last 20-30 years, and since the world-wide decline recently, they have suffered even more.

So our little walk was only around the residential buildings here. There are pathways that weave all around the buildings, with children’s playgrounds in each area, plus some areas to play soccer, with fencing. Along the pathways, made mostly of cement blocks, are little markets. These are small portable-type buildings, which contain window-access, you don’t go inside – you look in the window, see what you want, and order it through the window, like a “to-go” ice cream stand. One had wonderful cookies and pastries (no, I resisted), one had salamis and cheeses, several had the “convenience items” (Ukrainian version of 7-11 stores), from beer, cigarettes, soda, candy, ice cream, chips, and limited groceries. We took our walk around 5-6pm, so many people were coming home form work. I am not sure if they were walking from a bus or train station, but they were walking long distances. Men carried large plastic grocery bags, bulging with whatever their wives told them to bring home for dinner. Older women in boots and babushkas (my word for scarves on your head) carried cloth or canvas bags with what I assumed were groceries. Working mothers dresses stylishly were holding the hands of their children, talking animatedly about the child’s day in school. Several mother sand grandmothers were buying ice cream or sweets at the various shops along the way. Some of the “shops” were just trucks lined up, with their back doors open, selling their wares that way. One man had large bins of various types of apples, one was selling some sort of linens, one older woman was selling cups full of beans. The economy is struggling here. Jeff will post his pictures in a slideshow of our short walk around the complex.

Then we had dinner, easy to make in the apartment kitchen – pan-fried steak (denser and less fat than at home), rice, broccoli, and cabbage. I am definitely NOT losing any weight here! The food is too good! The eggs are “real”, with richer yolks, the bread is “yeasty” like sourdough, the meat has no antibiotics and growth hormones, and the vegetables still have dirt on them.

Watched a couple episodes of Heroes (we started from the beginning again on this trip), and turned in by midnight. A very good day!

Jeff: Also Monday!

Sue doesn’t remember the rest of the questions because she was so emotional. We went into the room as Sue described. There was a nice corner arrangement of a couch for us, and our facilitator and the agent sat in chairs next to and across from us. The thing that really struck me was how warm and welcoming the agent was. She obviously has an awareness of the impact this process has on us and on the children. When Sue’s eyes welled up, she broke out a sunshine smile and told Sue not to cry. I had to laugh – as you read above from Susie, it all came together in that one simple question. But the agent kept smiling and almost reassuring us the entire meeting – she was a delightful participant in this process.

We were asked questions about when we met Nastiya, how long she stayed with us, what we thought about her disposition and attitude. We commented that she seems a very responsive, loving, 10 year old girl. The agent continued with the details she had on Nastiya – family relations, current status of other relations, other details from her file, and then she showed us the file. Obviously, we could not read the file, but a picture of Nastiya was attached to the front of the file. We saw the face we have come to know and love, taken at a very low point in her life. She still had a very warm look in her eyes.

So that was it. The agent handed the facilitator some papers, and we were done! Except of course Susie said “what about our pictures?” As Sue said above, the agent browsed through all of the pictures, really paying attention. She also commented right away that Nastiya looks like Sue.

I forgot to look at my watch when we left, but we were back at the apartment by 12:15 – after stopping for some more vada (water – NOT vodka) and some more minutes for the cell phone that we are borrowing. The meeting could not have taken more than 20 minutes.

Our next conversation with our facilitator was about how we would travel to Mariupol, the next stop on our journey. We talked back and forth about this quite a bit. Sue had really wanted to take a train across the countryside of Ukraine. There are three options, though only two are practical. The first impractical option – for us – is a train straight to Mariupol. Unfortunately, this train leaves once a day at 4:30 in the afternoon and takes 16 hours to get to Mariupol. We are not going to get our form until after 5 PM, so this option is out. The other two options are taking a train or flying to Donets’k, then driving two hours to Mariupol. We hear the drive is going to be quite interesting – will report on that after the fact. But back to our two options for getting from Kyiv to Donets’k:

We talked about this with our facilitator. The train to Donets’k takes 12 hours, the flight is about one hour. The train has three classes.
• First class is a cabin with 2 beds. Since we are taking our interpreter with us, the cost would be $139 * 3 = $437 – one way ($874 round trip).
• Second class is a four-bunk cabin. Wickedly cheaper - $57 * 3 = $171 – one way ($342 round trip).
• Third class is a dormer car with 54 beds – not really an option for our – or our interpreter’s – travel wishes.
• The plane, on the other hand is $279 *3 = $837 round trip.

Remember that we just spent over 24 hours traveling from the US to Kyiv about 3 days ago? And that I slept about 45 minutes on that entire flight? So let’s see – travel by plane from Kyiv to Donets’k at 9 PM after getting our documents around 5-5:30, then drive to Mariupol and arrive around midnight, sleep in a real (non-moving) bed before meeting all of the officials at the orphanage and the court system. Or spend all night on a train (that costs more if first class or means spending the night with other people in the cabin if second class) that is moving and rattling and certainly does not sound like a great sleeping environment, then go straight to the court and/or orphanage. Oh – and we’ll see Nastiya again for the first time in three months.

We chose the plane.

So: the game plan for Tuesday: get packed and out the door by 3 PM, get our documents from the SDA around 5PM, catch a plane at 9PM. Details tomorrow

Some other unrelated details that I haven’t captured elsewhere. If you are reading this blog and you are not following in our footsteps, you can skip this part

When we first arrived in Kyiv, we used the VIP service to get through customs. A previous family commented on how nice it was and how much time it saved. Let me tell you – if they had this service at JFK, I would use it every time! However, we did arrive on a fairly small plane from London, so there weren’t that many people on the plane. Overall, though it was extremely simple, I don’t think it saved us that much time and energy. As a matter of fact, it caused us two problems. The first one was that we actually got out of customs so fast that our driver and translator hadn’t even arrived yet! No big deal – they arrived about 5 minutes after we got through customs. The bigger problem – my fault (kinda) was that the VIP guy asked for our passports and really expedited that process. But I had neglected to put the entry-exit form with our passports and he neglected to ask us for them. So when our driver met us, he asked to see the exit form that stays with our passport. We didn’t have it. So of course we had to go back in to get that form stamped. When we went back in, even the officials were saying it’s no big deal, but when we told our interpreter that, her comment is “they don’t know why you are here – you will need that for the adoption process”.

Summary: I would definitely recommend that service if you are coming in on a large plane. Maybe not if you are arriving on a smaller plane. If you do use it, make sure you and the expediter your passport and your forms that you just filled out so laboriously on the plane.

If you are staying in the same apartment:
• There is a valve under the sink in the bathroom. If you’re going to use the washing machine, this valve has to be turned a quarter turn (I think I remember clockwise – but it only goes one way). Don’t forget to turn it back the other way when you are done.
• Oh – speaking of the shower – don’t do dishes while your partner is in the shower. Flushing is also a bad idea.
• Saran wrap and paper towels are on the kitchen window shelf behind the curtains (we found these the third day – after working in the kitchen without…)
• Bring more that one adapter for power! There is one converter here
• The apartment seems to run warm – at least for us. Outside temps are running around 35-45 degrees at night.

Jeff - Day 4 - October 19 (eary morning!)

2009-10-18T20:58:00.000-07:00

10/19 – Day 4 – SDA

Adjusting to the time is quite the challenge. I’m up a bit earlier than I need to be, so of course I spent the time reading other blogs! We talked to the facilitator last night, so I’m not worried about the SDA at all, but we’ll report on that later – right now, I want to talk about the DEBATE – Nastiya’s name!

First things first: the first name. Sue and I have been going back and forth on the spelling of Nastiya’s name. The anglicized version is obviously Anastasia. This is what Sue would prefer as it is the easiest and most recognized spelling for the name in America. I on the other hand, have been fairly vocal about using the spelling that is in the documents we have received so far: Anastasiya. I really think this is fairly important as she is giving up so much of her heritage just in the transition. This one is optional. And we will be asking her to change her nickname. Neither of us thinks that Nastiya will play well in the US. So in the middle of all of our own discussions, we were talking to the translator yesterday while we were touring. First, Sue found a translation on one of the posters in the church that translated the name as Anastasia (there is a Saint Anastasya), and then she saw one of the paintings of the saint on a wall, and the spelling was Anastacia! Oh, jeez – more excitement. The translator said that the spelling on the documents that we received is correct, and that we should stick with that.

Now, about the middle name. I was just reading Richard’s blog (see the list at the bottom of this blog), and saw his section on the middle name. The translator relayed to us the same thing Richard has documented very well about the patronymic – the middle name in Slavic countries is based on the father’s name and must be changed. Our translator though it hugely amusing when I suggested “Jeffreyivna”. However, she did seriously say that it is considered bad luck to use another girl’s name as the new middle name – it should be last name. We did use Sue’s middle name as Connor’s middle name to honor his heritage. We were considering a standard girl’s name: Michelle or Helen for other family reasons, but now we will probably use Sue’s maiden name as Nastiya’s middle name as well. Last thing we need is bad luck!

On a side note: we picked up the cell phone that the last family was so kind as to leave here with a few grivna left on it. Our translator was shocked when I picked it up and had it ringing on my own blackberry in a few seconds. One of the simple things you can do internationally on a cell phone: dial the + sign and the regular US number – bingo! We now know what the number is for our loaner phone!

OK – off for breakfast, and then SDA.

Jeff - Day 3 - Sunday, October 18

2009-10-18T11:47:00.000-07:00

10/18 – Kyiv

Of course it was a challenging night. After being unable to sleep on the plane as usual, I was completely wiped. I napped for a few minutes while my loving wife made a nice dinner (shuka?) and then headed for bed after dinner. So after getting to bed pretty early on Saturday (OK - so I passed out at 9PM), what else could possibly happen but I end up wide awake at 3 AM. I read for a couple of hours, and fell asleep again to the white noise (not really) of the clock. Sue had been concerned about not starting until 11 – she is a die-hard tourist. Of course we didn’t even wake up until 9:30 moving slowly. Breakfast was a few cups of coffee and some fruit and yogurt. We tried three different methods for coffee – the Starbucks instant (yup – I got some just for the trip), the espresso maker (water goes in the bottom, then coffee, then the pot screws on top – put it on the stove and “steam” coffee is brewed), and Susie finally tried holding a filter over the cups and just pouring water through the coffee and filter. Probably best, but it took us a while.

Finally out and about with our interpreter/guide. We really had a tourist day: Volodymyr Church, the Golden Gate, St Sophia’s Church, St Michael’s Church, Independence Square, and European Square. These were the spots that our interpreter said were obligatory tourist spots. Pictures posted in the slideshow next to this blog. The churches were all fantastic.

The first one was still a working church . We went in to a packed church with the choirs and priests singing and people very actively moving about, praying to the reliquaries, lighting votive candles and walking out of the church backwards while genuflecting (I think – isn’t that what you call the act of making the cross?). It was a very elaborate exit. The church was an Orthodox church with many Ikons and frescoes. The part of this visit that I liked the most was the singing. There were actually at least two different choirs in two separate parts of the church, so the origin and the resonance changed completely when the choir singing would change. Coming from the type of church that we do, it was also interesting to see people praying to the reliquaries - kissing the glass and wiping it with the kerchief left there.

At St. Sophia’s, the women working there – not guides, not guards, but something in between, somehow got the idea that I was going to take pictures, which was not allowed. I did make an adjustment to the camera while we were inside, and I swear she came out of nowhere! I got told in not uncertain terms that I was not to take pictures – and then there was never a point through the rest of our visit where I was out of sight of one of the women. Every time I would turn a corner, another one would come walking around a different corner. Some of them were coincidence – that’s where they were stationed. But I just know that word got ahead of me so that they made sure they had an eye on the American tourist with the camera! One of the women took pity on us (me) and did explain the meaning of the six wings on the Seraphim.

Our interpreter was really fun to have along. She was greatly amused by our feeble skills trying to go-var-you pa-russki (speak Russian). That’s OK – we’re going to keep trying. Thank you, Pimsluer! I know enough to be able to tell people that my Russian skills are weak. I cannot get “hello” accurately – sheesh!

Finally, back to the apartment, and Susie used a quarter of our Chernobyl-sized cabbage to make a great stir-fry to go with our beef. Tomorrow we take care of the financial stuff (9 AM!) and then we have our first appointment at the SDA. Report to follow!

To my son: Spasiba! I love getting the text updates. Congrats on sweeps! (his marching band took top honors in the competition on Saturday). Wish we could have seen it – thank you for your patience with this process. Paka.

Time for bed – we’re only going to get 9 hours of sleep tonight! Spa-ky-ne noche!

Sue - Day 2 - Saturday, October 17

2009-10-18T10:36:00.001-07:00

Sue – Saturday, October 17, 2009

Day 2 – Finishing the traveling to Kiev.

We arrived in London Heathrow airport around 7:00 am, and had to wait for a gate, since we were 15 minutes early. There had been no breakfast on the plane, just a yogurt and croissant a couple hours before landing, enough to make you feel good. Dinner was right after we took off, so almost 8 hours earlier. You certainly don’t starve on the long intercontinental flights, if you’re not picky. I thought everything was just fine.

We counted up the hours until we landed in Kiev, got our bags and contacts, and drove to the apartment where we will be staying… about 6 hours… hmmmm “I guess we better eat now, because there will not be another opportunity for some time”. Found a little British Pub type restaurant that served a marvelous breakfast plate, complete with fried eggs and bangers. I had Scottish Salmon with scrambled eggs; a tradition of sorts here. How fun to have our “Tea for Two” pot of tea!

The flight from London to Kiev was about 3 ½ hours. We were not on British Airways, a partner of American Airlines. We used AA points for our round trips, about 180,000 points total for the two of us.
If our plans change, and get bumped back, we may have to use more points or $$$ to get a different flight home.

After a slight mix-up with our VIP escort service, we met our translator and our driver, loaded up the van with our luggage, and took the somewhat long drive to the supermarket. Shopping was wonderful!! I could have a great time trying the many, many types of fish and dried fish, if we had more days here! We bought cabbage (HUGE!), some rice, fish, beef, cheese, bread, veggies, milk, kefir (a salted cultured milk-product, like liquid yogurt), eggs, butter; enough food for three days – and everything very similar to the products at home, only the packaging is not in English. This market, however, puts any of my local markets to shame with the variety and choice of so many things!

When we unpacked all the groceries back at the apartment, we could really feel the pain! It was 7:30pm Sat night, Kiev time, 5:30am San Jose time; we’ve been up for over 24 hours. I started dinner, and found it very disorienting with a strange kitchen, very little sleep, and different time zone. I made the fish, rice, and broccoli, keeping it as simple as possible. Jeff had passed out while I made dinner, and we both crashed by 9:30 or so.

We are very grateful that the Lord has seen fit to bring us this far. There have been no mishaps, no problems, and the flights have even come in early. We feel very blessed… very blessed indeed!

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. (Proverbs 16:3)”

Sue - Day 1 - Departure

2009-10-17T00:42:00.000-07:00

Sue – Friday, October 16, 2009

Well, here I am at 30,000 feet, somewhere over Nevada.

Thursday was quite a day. I started out the morning dropping Falkor off with Pat. Loading the car with his two large tins of food for the 18 days, and his two beds (one for the house, one for the car), his five cans of dog food, two boxes of doggie biscuits, leashes, collar, bowl for food and travel water bowl, and several of his favorite toys. It almost seemed like he was taking more on vacation than I was!! Pat suggested I leave him, go return the shoes that didn’t fit Connor to the shoe store, and then return, so he gets the idea that I WILL return for him!

I stopped and got a 100 foot roll of heavy-duty plastic sheeting from the hardware store, and then to a large department store to get candy for the Ukrainian kids. Four different families who are adopting from the July campers group sent small packages to us to take for their children. Tracy took a photo album for A. of all the pictures from the trip to Disneyland. We had to leave early to come home, so we had no time to get to Costco to print out photos and put them in an album. Tracy took pictures of her looking through the album, which of course brought a tear to our eyes when Jeff and I looked at the photo. When Anastasiya is caught on film candidly, and not “posing”, she has such a joyous expression of little girl wonderment about her, that melts our heart. Then, the times she is pouting (and let me tell you, she is a profession pouter…), cracks us up! She is very expressive in her facial and body language – we can’t wait until she speaks English.

But I digress. So Thursday, when I dropped off Falkor, and picked up the tarp and TONS of Halloween candy, Pez dispenser stuff, and cards for both Connor and Anastasiya, I felt as if a great weight had been lifted! In the afternoon, I switched around the clothing we’re donating to the orphanage into a large duffle-type bag, and re-stuffed the very large black suitcase with the packages for the other kids, and the toys for A. I did – I bought a lot of wonderful toys for her… a Hannah Montana headset and player, and a Hannah Montana wig, so she can pretend she is a rock star (it has buttons for applause and cheering on it, so while you are “singing along”, you can push the applause button – cute. I have Disney princess flashlight, with various covers, so you can display Tinkerbelle and or Bambi on the wall…there are Halloween cookies you decorate yourself with the icing and sprinkles… large bouncy balls for the playground, but I deflated them, and brought along a pump and extra needles, and last but not least, many package of orange tic-tacs and bubble gum. There’s a lot more, but I can’t remember it all, because my living room became a staging area, with three suitcase spread out, and things going into them as you thought of them and/or bought them. We remembered our converter and adapters, so we can charge our cameras and laptop, and use our hairdryers/curling irons/shavers.

Later yesterday, we dropped off the suitcase of Connor’s clothing to Jill, who has Connor next school week. Jeff tried to get Connor’s laptop to work with her system, so he can do homework while there.
Jeff and I also went out into the yard where the storm had blown down a 5 year old plum tree I planted years ago. The trunk was not snapped, so we were able to push it back up – I hope it can recover. The long shoots had not been trimmed, because the weather was so unseasonably hot; we thought we had time in November to trim the fruit trees, but that storm was a little rowdy after such mild weather, and took us by surprise.

When I walked in the house after shopping and errands, and was thinking, “Wow, we are really doing okay with the packing and chores”, there it was, the distinct “boop!” every minute or so. Oh, darn!
So Jeff and I went on a seek and destroy mission to find out WHICH smoke alarm was on the blink… of course, it’s the retreat, which probably got overlooked when we changed batteries last spring. It seems at every turn there is something going wrong, some other chore pokes its head out demanding attention.

What we did NOT get to do was finish setting up all the fog machines and other Halloween stuff for Mary and Taylor.

So then, at 6:00 pm, I am still rearranging suitcases and all the gifts. I want everything to arrive undamaged and in perfect condition. So I packed and unpacked a bunch, until each suitcase was evenly packed. Gee, now it’s time for me to pack MY things… ha-ha… I had already picked out a few blouses, a couple jackets, and had packed the folding clothes days ago, so now it was simply putting everything else into plastic bags and finding a place for everything. Running out of juice – cord isn’t working right on this plane… we passed the Grand Canyon a few minutes ago – it’s stunningly beautiful, even from the air!

Okay, I’m back. Our flight from DFW to London Heathrow left on time, 4:45pm Dallas time. In Dallas we met some lovely people at the Admirals Club, Hugh and Barbara, and a group of people on a missions trip to Peru to spread God’s word. It was a nice stop. We are now about 2 hours from London. It’s 10:00 pm in San Jose, and we’ve been on this flight about 5 or 6 hours. Our altitude is 38,000 feet, and our ground speed is 633 miles per hour. They still give you hot meals on international flights, so after “dinner and a movie” I dozed off with all my earplugs, blinders, blanke,t and neck pillow. It’s better to try and sleep, because when you get to London, its morning, then another flight to Kiev, and getting to the apartment.

We were showing the folks in Dallas pictures of our vacation with Anastasiya, and it makes us excited all over again. She is such a vibrant, interactive, funny, charming, sweet, wisp of a girl! I can hardly wait to see her and throw my arms around her. We brought some games like Uno that you can play without speaking the same language. My understanding is that when adoptive parents are there, and the child’s school day is over, you go into the “green room”, which has tables, chairs, and is apparently quieter than the rest of the orphanage. We get to see the other children that came out on summer camp, and we can give them their packages that we’re bringing from their prospective parents. We are able to spend only about an hour a day with A. and I don’t know if the weather will be conducive to outside play time or not.

Last reports we looked at said it was lows of 31-38 degrees, and highs around 40-45 degrees. By Ukrainian standards, it is not quite winter yet. Winters are very bleak, cold, and have a LOT of snow! It will be fall there now, much like out Northeast. Being a spoiled An Jose resident, I consider anything below 35 degrees to be winter. Up north in Kiev, where we land first, and where the SDA is (the Ukrainian government agency in charge of adoptions) it is colder than the southern town near the Aziz Sea where the orphanage is.

We will get from Kiev to the southern town by an overnight train, which we think is about 16 hours. If we are lucky, we will get one of the sleeping cars, with two bunks so .we can stretch out. We are somewhat concerned about all of the luggage. We have one large workhorse black wheeled suitcase, a medium brown wheeled suitcase, and a large duffle that we checked. We each carried on our smaller wheeled suitcases with out toiletries and at least one day worth of clothes, along with any valuables and electronic accessories. We’re hand-carrying our coats, because it will be cold! With these 5 suitcases, Jeff’s backpack, and my very large traveling purse, it is going to be a challenge on the train, and in the car at the other end. Think little cars, like in France or Great Britain, not large American cars

This is truly an adventure. Jeff and I are excited, a little weary, and very happy that two legs of the trip to Kiev is almost over. We’re getting anxious to see Anastasiya again. The last time we saw her, she was in the security line at SFO with the other children, in her hooded white sweatshirt, with the pink and burgundy hearts on it, looking back at us over her shoulder and waving. That was July 25, and it is now Oct 16th, and we miss her.

Jeff - Final day before traveling to Ukraine

2009-10-15T08:56:00.000-07:00

Here we are – it’s about 24 hours before we head for the airport. Funny – all the prep in the world, and there’s still 48 hours of stuff to do in the next 24 hours!

I have to give my dentist a huge thank you. I’ve had a tooth that’s been sensitive for a while. About two weeks ago, it got worse. My worry was that I would end up in Kyiv searching for an introduction to a Ukrainian dentist. I’m sure they’re all nice guys, right? But that’s absolutely something we didn’t need to fit in to the trip. So I turned my lack of previous action into a crisis for my dentist. He came through – as of 3 PM yesterday, I have a new crown. I was joking with a friend the other day about getting my appendix out before I go. Remember Dian Fossey? One of the things on her to-do list before she headed to the highland jungles of Africa!

It’s been a very interesting week as we come down to the wire. Several other families have sent us ‘care packages’ to take to their kids. The amount of love we have to carry to Mariupol is amazing. Fortunately, that’s the light load. For the more substantial items, we’re going to have a challenge when we get to Kyiv. All of the blogs have made it a point that we need to travel light. We’re not. I called American Airlines the other night to see what the restrictions are on luggage for international flights. When I was at Rackable Systems for four years, I traveled internationally quite a bit, so I still have Platinum status on American. Not sure what the standard limits are, but I was told that we can bring 2 checked bags each plus one carry-on and one personal item. The checked bags are limited to 50 pounds, and the carry-on items are 40 pounds combined. Between two people – that’s 280 pounds worth of stuff! Well, two of the 50 pound checked bags are already stuffed with toys and clothes and Halloween candy. The toys and candy have been provided by the families with kids that are over there, but the clothes that we are donating have come from multiple sources. The generosity of people who know where we are going is very heartwarming.

My own musings as we get closer have been influenced heavily by one of the thoughts that David shared with me last week, with some amazing coincidences of supporting events. Sometimes you just need to hear it from multiple sources.

One of the things David mentioned was that I can spend the time thinking about what it will mean to have a daughter. I have had a son for 16 years. I know what it means to be a father, right? Well, surprisingly it doesn’t mean a thing. Turns our girls are different. I was listening to a radio program yesterday that was talking about the impact that a father has on a teenage daughter. There were three aspects of this that I hadn’t really thought about before. The focus of the program was really around how a father’s words affect a girl, how fathers in today’s society are allowing their daughters to do things they probably don’t approve of, and how teens rebel to establish their own place in the world. Obviously, I’ve been living through this with a young man, but now I have to think differently. It’s really been nice to have this hiatus before we head to Ukraine to think about such things. And thanks to those who remind me to think of such things.

I’ve also been reading other blogs from people about to adopt and people who have just completed the adoption process fairly recently. Links are below, but two mentions: Thanks to Tracy for her conversations with God. And thanks to Mark and Laurel who adopted a young lady slightly older than Nastiya – the thoughts of those who have gone before have been hugely valuable to me in preparing for the next part of the journey – the part that lasts for ever

OK – back to the last minute things: you know – packing, picking up the last few items, one last sales call, dumping everything else on my buddy Eric…

Next blog from Ukraine. Poka!

Sue - We Leave in Two Days!

2009-10-14T20:29:00.000-07:00

Sue – We Leave This Week!!!

Okay it is Wednesday; I just spent the better part of my afternoon using Connor’s laptop camera to film a video project with Bryan for Latin III.
So far, I have :
- Met with Marsha, turned over all the guardianship/medical consent papers, the forms with ALL the families involved, the forms with all of Connor’s medical doctor’s and emergency room info, the clothes he needs for the weekend at their house, and the band competition, and the meds he needs to take.
- Met with Jill, and turned over all the forms and meds mentioned above (not the clothes he needs for the 3 day band trip down south and for the 4 days with her, though…).
- Met with Kristine, and turned over all the forms/clothes/lunch stuff, etc. She has him the longest, through 3 days of no school.
- Met with Mary, who is running the Halloween scary house we do each year for the kids. She and her daughter, Taylor, are helping Connor pull it off with two other parents.
- Spoke with Larry (helping with Halloween)
- Spoke with Wendy – also helping with Halloween
- Spoke with and turned over papers to Mallik – doing the carpool each morning while we are away… needs to know where Connor will be and when he’s part of the carpool
- Met with Pat, who’s taking Falkor the WHOLE time we’re gone – Bless her!!! Gave her the Homeagain microchip info, vet and vaccination stuff.
- Met with Tami, who’s watching the cat and turtle and plants (both indoor and outdoor) and mail, and bird feeder,… and??? Turned over all related paperwork, including Homeagain microchip stuff, vet, and vaccination paperwork.
- Emailed all the teachers letting them know about the trip
- Gave the school office a copy of each family guardian/consent form, the master list of families and dates, the list of doctors, and the medical/prescription cards, and master calendar.
- Gave the band office a copy of everything, since Connor is going away on a 3 day band competition and he needs the consent forms and the medications he is on.
- Sent both my brother and Jeff’s brother a copy of the contact list.
- Emailed the church contacts.
- Packed one 45 pound suitcase that is filled with clothing/gift donations for the orphanage.
- Started packing a second suitcase, but I think I need to change to a duffle bag to stuff the clothes and then use the large suitcase for the toys, etc…
- Been cruising the stores for toys, clothes, and all kinds of supplies we might need over there (things like iodine tabs – they say don’t drink the water if you don’t boil it, and I have invisalign braces, so I have to brush and rinse both my teeth and braces every time I drink or eat… yikes!)
- 32 oz water bottle, iodine tabs, money pouches, electrical converters and transformer, oatmeal, coffee/tea bags, cold tablets, immodium, Tylenol, Airborne, vitamins, powder creamers, and a bunch of other medicine-type-stuff-you-don’t–usually-need-to-take-on-vacation, boots (it is very rainy and mid-30’s), winter coats, nice clothes for court, umbrellas, travel stuff (earplugs, eye patch, neck pillow), oh, and you know – all the usual stuff you travel with.
- Charged my camera.

So, for the past several weeks, I have done contact lists with everyone’s name/address/phone, and also a Master Calendar with the carpool info, so they know where he is, and where they are taking him, and basically almost everyone has a backup, in case of their own emergency.

About 3 weeks ago, Connor had a bad cough, but no fever, so I kept him home 2 days from school. The cough never got better, so the next week I took him to the family Dr. She put him on the Azithomax antibiotic. A week after finishing that medicine, he was not better completely, so back we went. She put him on Amoxocillin for 10 days. She said if he was not better after 5-6 days on THAT, to take him in for a chest x-ray, to see if he has “walking pneumonia”. Oh, NOOOOO! I guess she will try another med if he has it…Jeff just took him there – they just got back. I guess we will know tomorrow…
The thought of Connor being very sick while I am gone is a very bad feeling for a mother.

Seems that a LOT of kids at the high school have a cough, cold, or flu. Late last week, and early this week, ALL the families I spoke with or visited or met with to turn over supplies and forms, all had some sort of illness in their family, some mild, some severe. Then this week, I had a slight temperature, and a headache that would not quit. I pumped up with Airbourne, extra C, and Emergen-C, then took a nap yesterday afternoon. As of this morning, I have neither a temp nor a headache, so I guess I might have chased it away.
Connor, Jeff, and I all got our regular Flu Shots early in October, so I don’t know if this is simply a cold, or a very mild version of the flu, or what, but there is definitely a lot of illness circulating right now.

I have to say it here, because I don’t do this often enough, but, I am able to do all this running around and planning the practical stuff, and shop for the orphans, BECAUSE Jeff did all the Ukrainian paperwork, dossier, etc, etc, etc…!!!!!! I could not have done all this planning and doctor visits, AND tried to keep up with the travel documents! So BLESS that man in your prayers! I do!!! And I am very, very grateful I have him…(he’s going to blush when he reads THIS!) What a great team we make!

So, at this point, I only still have to
- Pack my own stuff for travel
- Drop off the clothing stuff to Jill, along with the 3 day Southern Cal band trip stuff for Connor
- Contact my tenants and make sure they all are on target… by the way, did I mention I have done two property turnovers since Anastasiya was here? One in August, and then a different tenant is moving out Oct 26th, when we are gone, so I did everything, lease signed, deposit, etc… the locksmith is all setup, as is the carpet cleaner, and the turnover is going to be “virtual”… never did this before! I’m a little nervous… but my realtor friend, Kathy, will help me out if something goes wrong. Two turnovers in two months is a lot, on top of all the adoption/Connor/travel stuff!
- Get the results from the chest x-ray today… and get any additional meds needed before we go.
- Try and download my pictures again, so I can delete a bunch so I have room on my digital camera.
- Clip the cat’s nails (fun!)
- Do Revolution (flea and heartworm meds) on cat.
- Drop off dog (tomorrow morning) to Pat’s house.
- Water inside plants (tomorrow)
- Do the turtle cage & feeding (tomorrow)
- Pick up some Halloween candy for Anastasiya

Why, I’m practically out the door! Don’t forget the passport!!
I cannot describe the stress, excitement, overwhelming feeling I have been living with; I guess I am MOST nervous about the Halloween night at my house… it will be the same big, scary, walk-through haunted house, at my home, without Jeff nor me being there… talk about a SCARY HALLOWEEN… what’s more scary than candles, and hundreds of strangers walking through your garage haunted house, when you’re not there??!!?? Of course, we have wonderful adults in charge, so, no worries, right?.… RIGHT?!

Well, God has brought us this far, so I am stepping out in faith and trust.
There have been setbacks all along this journey, to the point that I just shake my head…“Now what?!”
I feel that we are embarking on this journey in faith…and pray that God will help us.
James 2:14-26
What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that--and shudder. You foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? Was not our ancestor Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. And the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness," and he was called God's friend…. As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.

Sue - The Visit - July 2009

2009-10-10T14:18:00.000-07:00

Sue – The Visit - July 2009

Okay, if you read my blog about March-June, 2009, you know where we are, in June about to host a little 10 ½ year old girl, Anastasiya, in late June for three weeks. I excitedly told my family and friends about our new adventure we were about to embark on. With a great deal of surprise, I received mixed reactions, ranging from surprise and delight to downright disdain and disparagement. Luckily, the encouragement, approval, and blessings of those wonderful souls who recognized the value of what we were doing far outweighed the negativity of those who didn’t.

The “practical stuff” had to be accomplished in the couple weeks until she was going to arrive in San Francisco after traveling for more than 30 hours:
- 12 hour train ride to Kiev
- Flight form Kiev thru Germany
- Flight from JFK to SFO
As you might imagine, we expected the kids to be exhausted when they arrived in SFO at midnight.
For weeks before, I perused the shops and bought size 12 pants, dresses, blouses, socks and more. I cleaned and emptied the spare bedroom. We already had the twin bed, dresser, and nightstand, shelves, desk, plus a bunch of other “kid stuff’ that Connor had outgrown or changed, since the spare room had become both the guest room for overnight guests and the dumping ground for all those wonderful toys we never got around to donating.
Okay, so I have a hard time getting rid of “sentimental stuff”, after all, I spent quite a few weeks of my life sanding, priming and painting that headboard, footboard, and nightstand! And why CAN’T we keep that Apatosaurus – isn’t he CUTE?!?

So, luckily, we already had the bedroom set up, and simply tidied and cleaned, and set up the old 13” TV with built-in VHS video player. I also bought some GIRL things… OMG! I don’t know what to buy for a GIRL… panic…. Something pink… yes, that’s right – I’ll buy some teenage things. So in short time, her drawers and closet contained little girl clothes, books, and toys. We already had a vast Disney Video collection.

The date for the trip was postponed a week. They would be arriving July 5th – a Sunday night, 9:00pm. This threw us a little, since we had planned on taking Anastasiya to SFO airport the morning of the day were driving to Southern California for a week-long trip to Palm Springs timeshare, and a jaunt to Disneyland for Connor’s birthday, July 22nd. Since he was turning 16, we had reserved the Disney California Resort Segway 3 ½ hour Tour (before the park opens for the day). Of course, you pay for it, nonrefundable, and you HAVE to be 16 years old minimum to participate. So this was a treat for his birthday.

Well, we would have another guest with us – how is THIS going to work?

So off we go to airport, after waiting another hour or so for a delayed flight. We are expecting a rather large 10 year old, since she looked “big” from the pictures we had of her. The group came through the gateway, and we eagerly searched for OURS… where is she? Oh, they’re so SMALL! Look, that one is Misha… there’s Bogden, the smallest, where’s Anastasiya? THERE SHE IS! She is so small and frail – a mere wisp of a girl! She was holding hands with Olena, and as the organizers gathered the kids together, and guided them down the escalator, to the baggage area, we watched impatiently. We wanted to run to them and hug them, which would have totally freaked them out!

While we’ve been looking at their pictures, and thinking about them becoming part of our family, they have just been looking forward to a summer camp in America. They didn’t see any of our pictures, so they were probably thinking… which family is mine? As she and Olena were about to get on the escalator, she shyly turned her head, her eyes met mine. I smiled, and waved a little wave. She smiled back… that sweet “little girl smile” that we would later come to love so much. I turned to Jeff, tears welling in my eyes…. she’s DARLING!

When we were introduced, the translator spend many minutes speaking with her and us, translating that she’s be going home with us, and we asked what she’d like to eat, and told her we had a dog and cat – did she like dogs and cats? And on and on… the poor thing was totally exhausted from the over 30 hours of traveling they had just done. Off we went to the car, Jeff, me, Connor and Anastasiya. She settle right into our home. We had the day off on Monday to just hang out. We went to the local park, and she loved the water fountains (She could say that word right away…)

The rest of the first week the kids were here, they attended camp each day, from around 9:30 until around 3 or 4pm. I went with them the first couple days, to the park and to the hike up Rancho San Antonio, near Los Gatos. What a great bunch of kids! They are engaging and delightful. And smart. And funny.

I quickly learned that Anastasiya was stubborn and willful, energetic and active (OMG – she IS just like me!)
We saw farm animals, and took pictures. All these kids “pose” big time for their pictures. I think they have WAY too many fashion magazines out there, or something, because in almost ALL the shots they are throwing their hip out, tilting their head, pointing at the camera, or other “ham” behavior. The boys do it as well as the girls. Funny.

In our home, she was delightful as well. She was fairly adventuresome trying new food, as long as it wasn’t the “green” variety (wow – that’s different – a kid that doesn’t like vegetables?), but any meat, casserole, sandwich, or fruit she would at least try. She was very adroit at hiding broccoli under chicken bones, or putting things she didn’t want quietly on YOUR plate, then acted like she was doing YOU a favor, by indicating, “…you, yes, YOU, go ahead and eat it – it’s good for you…” – what a card! Tomatoes are her favorite vegetable – breakfast, lunch and dinner. Yet as much as she likes them, if she sees none on YOUR plate, she willingly and eagerly offers some to you.
So meals were not a struggle at all.

When she first came into our home, right away she petted and hugged the dog, and picked up the cat in her arms.
It was a great relief to us that she was neither afraid nor rough with our pets. She was inquisitive, yet not intrusive in her exploration of the home. She didn’t seem interested in drawing or art projects, but was very interested in music and dance. A friend from Ukraine, who has been here for many years, brought her a CD with Ukrainian music, and she eagerly did her dance moves for us. The caregiver, traveling here with the children, told us (through a translator) that she was involved with the orphanage’s girls dance program. She had a set routine for some of the dances; it was nice to know they had some fun activities for the kids, and it was very entertaining watching her “perform” her routines.

She spoke no English (except for “Hanna Montana” – they get the Disney channel), we spoke no Russian (except for the cheater booklet they gave us with rough phonetic pronunciations we could stumble through to try and communicate basic ideas and to get through your daily stuff), yet we got along great! For most daily things, it is not that hard to communicate non-verbally. Each night, I’d sit down with her and sign onto the online IM Translator. I would type a couple sentences at a time, about what we did that day, and what we would do the next day. She patiently listened, nodded, or sometimes inquired…. “What?” and I would enter the info in a different way. Though not perfect, the IM translator was a necessity to have to relay more complex ideas to her. Unfortunately, she didn’t have the keyboarding skills strong enough to actually type thoughts back to me… and we didn’t have a Cyrillic keyboard. Unlike French, Spanish, or German, Russian has a totally different alphabet, with some symbols that look like Egyptian, and others that resemble backwards letters.
The translation was also imperfect. For instance:

“Anastasia had a great time with us. She was a welcome part of our family and we look forward to her becoming part of our forever family.”
Becomes:
Анастазия имела большое время с нами. она была долгожданной частью нашей семьи, и мы с нетерпением ждем ее части становления нашего навсегда семья.
Which translates BACK to English as:
“Анастазия had big time with us. It was a long-awaited part of our family, and we with impatience wait for its part of our becoming for ever family.”

When I tried typing “high school marching band”, there didn’t seem to be a translation in Russian… it translated as
“Strip of a campaign of high school”, so as you can see, you have to be creative and clever when trying to explain something and then look at the translation back to English. But it was still great to use.
The first Saturday was Connor Birthday party, here at the house, The theme was Rock and Roll, “come as your favorite rock star”, so she dressed a Hanna Montana, Connor was Neil Peart (Rush drummer), and I was Stevie Nicks. We had fun here at the house, with decorations, food, cake, trip to the park with firecrackers, Guitar Hero, strobe lights, silly string…okay – what DIDN’T we have? We let Anastasiya invite three of her friends from camp, and we hired a Russian-speaking babysitter to help the kids feel welcome. It was a very, very, very active and exciting night.

After the big party, the second week, while the kids were in camp, and Connor worked on his online summer program, I got ready for the week-long trip to Palm Springs and Disneyland. We were doing by car,a dn I was a little apprehensive that she would lose patience during a 10-12 hour drive, but she held up as well as any of us did.

Through the Hilton hotels, and Disneyland Resorts, I found a wonderful babysitting service, and I spoke several times to the manager of the service. We needed someone to stay in the hotel room with Anastasiya from 6:30am until we returned around 10:30am the first morning in Disneyland, while the three of us did the Segway Tour through California Resort. I guess I freaked her out about the seriousness of the situation (child is a guest from Ukraine, and doesn’t speak English, and we sure don’t want ANYTHING to go wrong, as it could create and international incident, blah, blah, blah). The actual owner/manager was the person who came out – she took the seriousness of the babysitting job to heart, and we were grateful to have the absolute best of care for our daughter-to-be. She was great, and we would certainly use her again!

So, Connor got his Segway tour, ON HIS 16th BIRTHDAY, through California Resort… cool! He also got his gift card from Disney, since we had annual passports already. What a great two days!

Luckily for us, she is also a Mickey Mouse fan!!! She bravely rode the rides, although she would emphatically decline to go again on the rowdy ones… “NYET!” (means “NO!”) We split up from Jeff and Connor so Connor could get his share of Space Mountain, California Screaming, and Tower of Terror, and I made sure she did all the ‘kiddy rides” in Fantasyland and in Bugs Land. Like every other kid on the planet, she LOVED Autotopia! She drove, I squealed every time she hit the curb, and we had a great time! I could go on and on, but I know Jeff wants to tell his story as well.

It was an absolutely wonderful three weeks! Yes, she pouts. Yes, she is a typical little girl. She is PERFECT for our family! We want to adopt her. She feels like my “Daughter by another Mother”… Anastasiya – where have you been for 10 years!?!?

March-June 2009 - After Cambodia

2009-10-09T09:35:00.000-07:00

Sue – March 2009 After Cambodia

If you have not read my blog about “Cambodia”, then you will be missing a critical turning point for me. You might want to read that first, before continuing here.

My experiences in Cambodia changed how I view the rest of the world forever. It softened my heart even more, grinding it down like a mortar and pestle does to grain.
Everyone knows there are third world countries. Everyone knows there are sub-standard living conditions in many parts of the world. And, certainly, everyone knows there are orphans, both here and abroad, who are living desolate lives with little hope of “breaking the cycle”, destined to continue their lives without hope, without homes, without dignity.

When Jeff, Connor and I returned from the high school marching band trip to Cambodia, it was time to get the spare room ready for an orphan to stay in during the March trip with Advocated for Orphans International hosting program. Day by day, with the faces and smiles of the orphans in Cambodia still vibrant in my mind, I felt that, with all the abundance that God has blessed us with, surely there was some way we could give back, and share our bounty with others. We’ve always had food. We’ve always had a home. We’ve always had family and friends who care about us. We have never “wanted’ for anything.

The March hosting group was postponed. Instead of March, they would come out in the summer of 2009; probably the end of June. Okay, we can do that.

Now, remember, we were just going to be an advocate family; we were going to host a child, or two, take them to summer camp each day, have them live in our home each night, do exciting trips on the weekend to give them a fun, American camp, and hope that they find their “forever family” during their three weeks here in California. Great.

Jeff and I occasionally brought up the idea of whether we would “just host” or whether we would consider… “Adoption”… and when it came up, we struggled with the answer.
Of course, part of me wanted to “do the right thing”

“We closed the door on that option years ago.”
“I’m too old.”
“I’m too tired.”
“We’re comfortable, why change things?”
“Connor is almost out of high school – I’ll be free.”
“When Connor goes to college, I can start a new career.”
“I don’t want to start over with elementary school issues again…”
“That didn’t work out 6 years ago, it won’t work now.”
“Connor is used to being an only child.”
“In two years, when Connor graduates, we can travel more!”
“Did I mention I was too OLD!?!?”
“After 7 years of infertility treatments and failed adoptions, why would I be called to adopt NOW?!”
“I’m really comfortable with our family, why rock the boat?”
“Can’t we just host, and not adopt?”
“Hello, Lord?? What are you telling us?”

Then Pastor Dan at our church, Twin Oaks Church, started a series on Jonah.
Dan talked about all of us getting very, very comfortable with our current life, our day-to-day existence. He related it to someone sitting in their easy chair, with the TV remote, very comfortable with the status quo. Too comfortable to listen to what God has to say. Too comfortable to do what God’s asking them to do.

In the Bible, God told Jonah to go to Nineveh, and tell the people they were messing up, to repent of their evil ways, or incur God’s wrath. Jonah did not want to do God’s will, because the Ninevites were enemies of Isreal, it was out of his “comfort zone”, so he said to himself “no way!”. Instead, he got on a ship and headed in the complete opposite direction from what God was asking him to do. You know the rest – the storm, his admittance that it was his fault, the sailors throwing him into the sea, the fish, etc…

There was something about the way Pastor Dan presented the story that stirred a conviction in me. I felt that God was guiding me to “step out in faith”, to go beyond MY comfort zone, to do something I was not convinced I could do. Each week, after the Jonah sermon, I left church grumbling… (see above reasons for not adopting…), but at the same time feeling convicted that maybe, just maybe, I was being led to do what was right for me. If you trust in God’s will for you, He will not harm you, He will not burden you with more than what He knows you can do.
Proverbs 16:9
“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."
Jeremiah 29:11
”For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Well, okay…I trust you, Lord.
This happened around the time that David was asking us… “Are you going to consider adoption, or are you going to be an advocate host family?” Jeff and I prayed about it. We prayed together and we prayed in private, and we kept asking ourselves “Why not?” We have so much to share, so much love to give. Why not at least open our hearts to the POSSIBILITY that one of the older Ukrainian orphans might be meant to be a part of our family? Remember, these children are not toddlers and infants; they are usually aged 6-14 years old. Connor is 16 years old, a junior in high school. It sure seemed like a good fit, age-wise. And, the best part is, you get to have them as a guest in your home for three weeks, to get to know them and see how they treat you, your child, and your animals. You can see if this is the child God has in mind for you.

So we opened our hearts, fully convicted that God had “a plan for us”, and would direct our steps, as it said in Proverbs..
I wanted to share with Pastor Dan that his sermons had a direct effect on our conviction to open our hearts to adoption. He told us that, two weeks prior to doing the Jonah series, he had a different sermon series all planned, but he felt a compelling urge to do the Jonah series instead. That’s funny – that’s just when we needed to hear it, since we were away on vacation in southern California right before the series, and then we were away in Ohio for a wedding and then our normal trip to New Jersey to visit family right after the series….hmmmmm…. could it be I was SUPPOSED to hear those sermons?

Then, the photos came through our email. A few weeks before the children come out, you receive, through email, a photo of each of the children attending the summer camp. We looked at the pictures, and THERE SHE WAS!!! MY DAUGHTER!!

Jeff, who saw the pictures separately, also picked her. She was 10 ½ years old, a single child, not a sibling set, a little younger, perhaps, than we expected. Then a subsequent email from David indicated that this one or that one was spoken for, and it mentioned that Anastasiya had a family interested in her. Jeff and I were crestfallen, devastated, we felt crushed.

“Lord, you led us this far, we thought we found her, we thought we were doing the right thing… then, who do you have in mind for us?”

When we saw her, we both immediately thought – “She’s the one for our family!” Then we find that she is not available. Confusion set in. Back to prayers. Back to the pictures… “Maybe him?” “Her?” “This sibling set?”
This one or that one had a 4 or 5 year old borther or sister… “Lord, you can’t be serious?!?” “I can’t start over with a 4 year old!”
Jeff and I poured over the pictures, again and again, confused, not knowing what to do.

Then David phoned us. He hadn’t heard from us… (no kidding…)
He once again inquired as to whether we were “hosting” or considering “adopting”. They give the families who are considering adopting the option of choosing which children stay with them. We said there was someone we were interested in, but she had been chosen already, so maybe we will just let him place one of the unmatched children with us.
“Which one had you been interested in?”
“Anastasiya – the dark-haired one…”
“Wait a minute, I don’t think she’s been matched yet…..” flip-flip through paperwork on the other end of the line… Jeff and I rushed over to the speaker phone, breathless with anticipation (okay, I think I was jumping up and down… just a little…)
We waited… flip.. flip…rustle…then David’s voice came back on the line…
“Anastasiya A… She has NOT been matched yet.”
“WE WANT HER!!! And we want to consider adopting her!” from both of us.
Right, as if there was going to be any question in your mind… hah!
This was meant to be! Needless to say, we were overjoyed. We felt totally convicted that this path, the path we let God lead us on, was the right one for us.
Some bible thoughts:

"Be kind to strangers, widows, and fatherless children." Genesis 22:21-22

"It shall be for the stranger, for the fatherless, and for the widow.
Be kind to widows, orphans, fatherless children and strangers. Share whatever you have with them.” Deuteronomy 24:17-21

"Defend the poor and fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy. Deliver the poor and needy: rid them out of the hand of the wicked." Psalms 82:3-4

" For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:35-40

Jeff - US paperwork done - Bound for Kyiv!

2009-10-05T13:48:00.001-07:00

The mound of paperwork is done and submitted. I must say – all those notarized, certified, apostilled documents (24 in all) looked really impressive! We packaged them all up and trusted them once again to FedEx. Then we watched the tracking system – Oakland, Arkansas (?), Paris…signed for in Kyiv! Sasha has the documents! During all of this, we’re thinking please don’t arrive after the day of the week that Sasha can take them in – that would add a week! But it all worked – Sasha received the entire dossier on a Monday.

OK, so if the process works as promised, it looks something like this:
• Week 1 – Home study submitted to SDA: here’s a real family ready to go
• Week 2 – present the entire dossier. SDA then has 20 days to provide a date
• Week 4 – (typical from other blogs I’ve read) SDA provides a date
• Week 7 – first appointment with SDA in Kyiv

When he confirmed that he had received the dossier, Sasha had David ask us if we could be ready to travel in two-three weeks. WHAT?!??! The original plan was about five weeks after he delivered them! Both Sue and I felt our pulse quicken. But heck yes – if we can go sooner to get our daughter, we’ll be there!

He delivered them on Wednesday and told us we would have a date by the following Friday. OK – slightly slower than 2-3 weeks, but we can use the time to prepare. Then the following Monday – we get the date! We have an appointment in Kyiv on October 19th!
• Oh, boy – we need flights.
• Do we have a plan for Connor? God bless my wife – and all the people she has coordinated with! I saw the calendar she printed out for the different families that will be hosting Connor while we’re overseas. I thought I was a pretty good manager – I can’t hold a candle to that schedule!
• What about “clean” money? I was amazed to learn that if you want new bills in San Jose, you can only get them for Chinese New Years. I love our multi-cultural neighborhood, but this did make me laugh. I can’t tell you how many different banks I’ve been to trying to take care of this piece of the puzzle.

So here we are: flights are booked, money is in hand, last packet of documents is basically prepped and ready to go, Connor’s calendar (color-coded for each family helping us and with phone numbers of everything from doctors to pet sitters) all ready to go. Now what?

If you haven’t figured this out yet, I tend to be just a bit flip. While joking with David about having paperwork withdrawals, my Brother reminded me to take a breather here; take time to wait upon the Lord. I could not have been Blessed any better than that reminder Blessed me. I am reminded to be grateful for all of the people helping us in this process, all of the people praying for our success and the future of our daughter, and just all the myriad of small Blessings that have been pored out on us during this process. I am in awe of what people have done to make sure that we succeed in this endeavor. The people who know of our journey have shared this message far and wide: I have heard from a prayer group in New Jersey! To think that there are warriors all over this planet that are praying for us is humbling. And I am reminded that I am being given an awesome responsibility to care for another child of God. Whenever I talk to someone about this process and they tell me what a great thing I’m doing, all I can respond is that it is truly a blessing on my family to do this.

With luck, we will arrive in Ukraine on 10/17. Our first SDA appointment is 10/19. BTW - this was week 6, not week 7! Our hope is to have the adoption complete by 10/30, though we may be a bit too optimistic. If we make that date, then we can have Nastiya back home before 11/15 - under a month from the first day of travel. This would mean that she would be back in our home less than four months after she went back to Ukraine.

So here we are on October 5th, with just 11 days before we head to Kyiv. I am going to take the advice of my Brother: I will wait upon the Lord. There will be scads of little details to take care of next week before we get on that plane: this is now my preparation time.

Sue: Cambodia Feb 2009

2009-10-04T00:19:00.000-07:00

October 3, 2009 – Sue: Cambodia

I’m still trying to catch up with the background information leading up to our adoption journey, and now we have arrived in 2009. We are an active, healthy family of three. Connor is a sophomore in a Christian High School, and playing baritone in the high school marching band. Every two years, the band does an international trip/ cultural exchange/ mission trip to some third world area, usually Asia. For 2009, the trip is to Cambodia, a country torn apart during Pol Pot’s reign of terror as one of the world’s worst dictator/mass murderers. He annihilated about 2 million people in his own country during a four year period from 1976-1979, Cambodia’s Communist “movement”. Basically, “if you’re not Red, you’re dead” – literally.

Jeff and I were going on the trip, too, as many parents did. Our job was getting “box # 5” on and off the buses, in and out of hotel storage rooms, until we delivered it to the orphanage to which it was designated.
We stayed one night in Singapore on the way to Cambodia, and one night in Hong Kong on the way home. The trip started in northern Cambodia, in Siem Reap, with visits to Angkor Wat temples along with our visits to the local orphanages/schools for cultural exchange and donations, and continued on a six hour bus ride down to the capital, Phnom Penh, a larger, wealthier city with a population of about 2 million people. The Cambodia trip took place over an 11 day period – the February week off of school.

Prior to our departure for Cambodia, we were in touch with David from Advocates for Orphans International, and had volunteered to be a host family (if needed), of a child (or two), for the orphans visiting from Ukraine in the March group. We told David that, while were not adopting, we would certainly provide a host family for some children, enabling them to meet their forever family.
Great – he’ll keep us on his list.

Off we go, for a trip that changed our lives forever. In Siem Reap each morning, when you opened your door, the smell of burning garbage permeated your senses, because although many modern packaging is available for products, there is no recycling, and little money for wood, so people burn what they have… garbage and packaging. Most highways are dirt, most babies are diaper-less (when they have to go, you just hold them out) and a lot of residents were obviously lacking medical and dental care that we take for granted here in the United States. Millions live below the poverty level, and are basically living a day-to-day survival as their norm. The homes are mostly single story, raised huts on pylons (for the rainy season – we were there in the dry season), sometimes lucky enough to have a large, square pit hollowed out in their front yard to catch the rain to use for animals, bathing, and whatever other water uses they have during the dry season. Some homes have thatched sides, corrugated tin roofs, and various materials like plywood and metal pieces attached here and there. When there is a roofing material like corrugated metal, you often see a hose running from the roof to a large clay pot with a wooden lid that catches the rain water. I assumed this was for drinking water. Homes like this made up the majority, and had neither plumbing nor electricity.

Of course, there are modern conveniences, beautiful large homes here and there, richer parts of town that have manicured lawns and fences with barbed wire along the top. Many parts of the “downtown” look like a coal mine town from the 1950’s, except with an eclectic mix of building styles influenced by French, Middle-Eastern, Vietnamese, Chinese, and European. As our bus lumbered down the roads through town, you see a well-maintained home or business, and then hovels with a patchwork of materials and goods, with a rotting pile of garbage sitting in the street. About 35% of the people in Cambodia live below the poverty line, which is $ 2.25 per day for a family of five. The rest stop had a tiled bathroom, but the toilet is a hole in the floor, and you flush by dipping a plastic pot into a cistern of water and dumping it down the hole. No toilet paper or soap. Children everywhere, selling scarves, bracelets, books, trinkets, to the rich tourists, hanging around patiently until you are done eating your lunch, done snubbing your nose at your sandwich because it has or doesn’t have the right amount of mayo, or because you’re not in the mood for whatever lunch meat or bread it was made with that morning. They politely but eagerly, almost lovingly, take the Styrofoam lunch box with your uneaten food and whisk it away out back to carefully sort and eat your discarded food.

Basic components of their infrastructure, like sewer treatment plants, city water, and electricity to the homes are missing in most areas. Even the large city of Phnom Penh, with 2 million people, and government buildings and the king’s palace, apparently has sewer lines that run into the estuaries, where many, many morning glory plants “clean” it. Fishing boats are out on the same water. There is construction going on here and there, but it has taken a very, very long time to start recuperating from the devastation of civil war and the scar of the Khmer Rouge’s reign of death.

The people of Cambodia have captured my heart forever. Strikingly beautiful bronze faces, with strong cheek bones and fiercely black eyes. The women are often stunning. Throughout the population, there are other influences; many Chinese, Vietnamese, and the French/European influences from earlier in the 1900’s. Although some look suspiciously at you and your bus full of noisy high school students, most smiled and waved right back at you. The Cambodians are overwhelmingly a warm, happy, gracious people. And that does capture your affections. But everywhere you travel, back roads, main roads, large city, small city, simply everywhere, there is a looming sense of total, absolute, abject poverty. Poverty is like a national character, covering all people and all things with a blanket of unseen, wet, grey destitution. It’s pervasive. The reality of the poverty-stricken condition in which so many of these people survive is nothing short of mind-numbing. A family of five could survive for the week on what one of us leaves behind on our plates for the garbage disposal in a day. Day by day, the severity of the situation sinks into you like a cannonball of sorrow. It sits there inside you, heavy and sad.

This is how God ground down my heart, like the mortar and pestle grinds wheat into flour. I knew, as surely as I was standing there in their dirt road villages, that there were many, many more neighborhoods like these in the world than there were like mine in San Jose. Of course, there were happy times on the trip; visiting the schools and orphanages, passing out the stuffed beanie babies and candy, meeting the many children at each location, wishing you had more to give them.

Deuteronomy 15:11 For the poor shall never cease out of the land: therefore I command thee, saying, Thou shalt open thine hand wide unto thy brother, to thy poor, and to thy needy, in thy land.

I was very happy we had those tubs filled with school supplies. It was wonderful meeting and speaking with so many children and teachers. The awful part was that I knew we would come home to our iPods and big-screen TVs, double-mocha lattes and 16 oz rib eye steaks, and that they would walk the dirt paths through dangerous neighborhoods to their hut with no toilet.

God was blessing me. He was blessing me indeed!

Sue: Journey Begins

2009-09-30T07:27:00.000-07:00

September 29, 2009 - Sue

It may seem odd that I, the “wanna’ be writer” from so many years ago, have not blogged yet about our new family addition-to-be. It’s strange that, although I am a very open person to all I meet and to all my family, friends, neighbors, work associates, and other parents, I had reservations about sharing our adoption journey with a BLOG. It seems so impersonal, so vulnerable, and so utterly PUBLIC that I really had to give it serious thought before deciding to do so.

One major factor that Jeff and I discussed concerned the real possibility that someone, somewhere, somehow would read our BLOG, and something in it would inspire them to look at adoption as a possibility for their family. That did it. If our blog, our adoption journey, our story, including triumphs and failures, could possibly save one more life from drudgery and despair, and provide just one child a “forever family”, then it will be worth the effort, the exposure, the baring of one’s heart.

As you’ve read in Jeff’s earliest blog, our adoption journey started many years ago. About a year after Connor was born in 1993, we started trying to have another child. During the evolving process, which took ME on a roller coaster ride through HELL, it became more and more physically invasive. We ended seven long years of increasingly painful and expensive infertility treatments with two IVFs (in-vitro, for those of you not involved with infertility). Nothing worked. I never became pregnant again.

I won’t dwell on the painful HSG procedure details, or the many, many months of Clomid cycles, or the many IUIs (intra-uterine inseminations, otherwise know as the “spin and shoot”), and finally the long, grueling process of getting the first IVF cycle. But, since they are part of “the journey”, I felt they needed some comment here.

Okay, so after about five or six years of various fertility treatments, invasive tests, and humiliating situations, we took a little break and treated ourselves to a three week trip to Southern France, Paris, London, and Scotland. Upon returning in early May, I contacted the premier fertility specialists in the Bay Area, at Stanford Hospital. Well, there are many obstacles, including attending a huge group seminar, taking injection classes, and getting ALL your medical records from ALL your prior OB/GYN Drs and your primary physicians, including all the ones from New Jersey, since we were now living in California.
This was before the days of shared medical records; took forever! We started the process in May; first IVF in Novermber! I treated Jeff extra special those months, because he was the one who had to give me injections in the large muscle (YOU know which one I’m talking about…) at night. I gave myself the morning injections in the stomach. So, when your husband is shooting a painful needle in your behind, you are extra, extra nice to him!

Two failed IVF cycles later, I was devastated; emotionally drained. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, post-infertility symptoms are very similar to post-traumatic stress syndrome. After some time to heal, re-group, re-access, we investigated adoption, and liked the possibility of adopting an older child (Connor was now about 7 or 8 years old). We had moved to San Jose, so we went through the Foster/Adopt parenting classes. We did not want to foster a child, then have them returned to their parents (two or three times!), before we could adopt them; we really wanted to build our family!

As Jeff’s blog already explained, that’s where David’s Advocates for Orphans International comes in.
www.advocatefororphans.org
At the time, it was called “Hands of Hope”. We liked the idea of hosting a child in your home, and getting to know them, before committing to adoption. It didn’t work out for us at that time, for personal reasons.
After that, I felt devastated once again. All the old infertility “failed cycle” feelings came out of the closet and crushed down on me. After about 20 or more failed infertility cycles over a seven year period, it was a dark time indeed. Our family was done growing. Period.

Remember, though, through all those tough infertility years, I had the most wonderful child at home all along, so I wasn’t empty-handed. Connor brings a luster to our family like no other. We had play dates, gymnastics, swimming, beach trips, vacations to almost everywhere (Disneyland and Disneyworld regularly), and of course, school functions.

Connor has been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, has walked the beach on the French Riviera, has spent a day in Disneyland Paris, has actually SEEN the Loch Ness Monster’s flipper in Scotland (we didn’t…), and walked through the catacombs of St. Paul’s in London. He’s been skiing in winter and to Hawaii often. Has walked along the ancient paths of Leonardo Da Vinci in Florence, Italy, and hiked next to 500-year old giant tortoises in Galapagos Islands; stood on the equator with one foot in the Northern hemisphere and one foot in the Southern hemisphere. We have tried to live life to the fullest, and in harmony with God’s Will and His Grace. And He has blessed us, indeed! We have had a wonderfully rich, active life together, the three Musketeers! (See how many times YOU can ride Space Mountain before it closes at midnight!!)

So that is the background setting leading up to the next phase; 2009, here we come!

Jeff: Paperwork

2009-09-28T14:24:00.001-07:00

Paperwork – what can I say about paperwork? Our first glimpse was the arrival of the home study packet and all of its myriad of documents. Talk about growing up. Talk about your relationship with your mother, your father, your siblings, the family dog. Your wife, your own kids.

Let's see: Home study:
• A check!
• application
• fee agreement
• arrest information (gads, it's hard not to make a joke here)
• personal history form for both of us (how were you raised? how did your parents discipline you? remember all that stuff? Me neither)
• Signed releases of information
• Certification of Identification - each applicant
• photocopy of marriage certificate
• copies of divorce decrees (I was married previously - Sue once described me as her "first husband". OK - so it was at a school reunion where lots of people were introducing their second or third spouses. Say - why do they do that? Does their place in line really matter?)
• Financial information
• Guardianship form (You know who you want to care for your kids already, right?)
• Signature page of Discipline Philosophy and Policy (should you ever hit your kids? Easy answer for me - I never really believed in corporal punishment)
• Education ageement
• Receipt of complaint resolution procedure
• Lifescan - first and second set of fingerprints - both parents, local and FBI prints
• Employment report - first version (see Dossier)
• Medical reports - both parents and all children in the house (Connor is 16)
• School reports

USCIS
• Yup - another check!
• CIS cover sheet
• I-600A
• copies of birth certificates for both parents
• copy of marriage certificate
• copy of divorce decrees
• third set of fingerprints
• copy of health care insurance card and proof that the adopted child will be covered

Ukrainian Dossier (all documents notarized or certified, then appostilled!)
• Two marriage certificates
• the original home study
• copy of the home study agency license
• copy of the social worker's license
• copy of the I171H from USCIS
• Employment letter (very specific wording - more later)
• Medical reports for both parents (oh, yeah - different requirements than what is required for home study - make sure you get all the tests when you go see the doctor)
• copies of the doctor's license (Sue and I used different doctors - two of these forms)
• Yup - more fingerprints (four): required for state police clearance report for both parents
• application to adopt
• Known child (Nastiya!) to adopt
• Limited power of attorney (4)
• Proof of residence (quick - how many combined square feet of your bedrooms?)
• copies of passports - both parents (Are your passports good for 6 months past your court date in Ukraine? dang, I wish I had a color printer!)
• Parental responsibility registration form - two copies (I promise I'll send update letters to Ukraine until Nastiya turns 18)
• Current family photo album

Got three people who will take the time to answer a questionnaire about you, your marriage, and your ability and desire to parent? Good – you’re gonna need ‘em!

Say – when was the last time you got a physical? Well, there are two different forms to fill out around that – one for the home study and one for the dossier for Ukraine. And they have different requirements – STD tests included for the dossier. Did I mention the one for Ukraine has to be notarized? Oh – and you need another form filled out with a copy of the doctor’s license, also notarized. Now, you know how hard it is to get standard stuff done through our medical system, right? Try going in and showing them a form with a very specific format that needs to be copied on to their letterhead, then filled out, signed by the doctor, and of course notarized – all at the doctor’s office of course, because you have to notarize the doctor’s signature. Sue and I use separate primary physicians, so we had two totally different experiences. The assistants at Sue’s doctor’s office had apparently never used a notary, so they thought they could just have the doctor sign the form and they could give it to us. It took quite a bit to say, “no – the doctor has to sign it in front of the notary!” I have to say – once I got to talk to the right assisting nurse at my doctor’s office, I did get the documents back – signed, sealed and delivered, almost easily. Getting to that person was a bit of a challenge – the people who answer the phone kept thinking I just needed a physical with a signature – but once I got there, it was almost anticlimactic.

Now, of course you need a lawyer or CPA or some such to sign a letter of residence – proving that you have a place for the child to live. Got kids? You’ll need to get to someone at the school that can give a report on your current children. Hats off to Sue on that one – she knew exactly who to call and had a terrific write-up in two days.

Marriage certificates – two certified originals, recent. Copies for home study. Oh – we haven’t even started on the apostille process yet. Once the forms are notarized or certified, the state must “apostille” the documents – stating that the notary or the certification was done by a valid, licensed person or agency.

Marriage certificates. I ordered two from New Jersey – we were married in Princeton. I then looked online and found the process for the apostille in NJ. The office charges $25 per apostille, plus $15 for expedite service (8 business hour turn-around – otherwise 2-3 weeks). However, if the documents are for adoption, the charge is only $5 plus the expedite fee. $20 each, $40 total for the two licenses to be apostilled, right? Off go the two certificates and a check and a letter in a Fedex. I thought I would get the documents fedexed back to me – expedite fee, right? Nope – I received the certificates a week later regular mail. Guess what? Somebody didn’t read the letter stating this was for adoption. They charged me the $25 normal fee plus the $15 fee - $40 total. And I got both licenses back, but only one apostilled! Argh! No reason to take a chance – back goes the other one for apostille – with a $40 check, and a return FedEx envelope in the FedEx envelope I send to NJ. Three day turn around and an extra $40 bucks, but I’m done!

Current certified birth certificates, parents and any children. Previous marriage? Certified copy of the divorce decree. This one was fun for me. I was divorced in San Diego. So I dutifully went to San Diego to get copies. Before I went, I found the coolest website that actually told me which office held my documents - Family Court Building, Clerk's Office. So I went there and waited in line with everybody else until the building opened. I went through security. Do you believe it - the officer there had to "wand" me, She told me my socks didn't match. I fell for it and actually looked - she got me!

Anyway, then I had to go down the hall, up a set of stairs, down two more sets of stairs, and wait another half hour until the clerk's office opened. So I'm second in line for that office, and of course the first thing they tell me is that I'm in the wrong office - it's the records office down the hall. Off I go, thinking "oh, great - another line". It wasn't bad however - I was up in about five minutes. Easy peasey - except of course the online website that told me where to find my documents was wrong. Turns out they were in the courthouse about 3 miles away. OK - off to the courthouse: now the parking ois all full - I have to pay an all-day rate - $20 - to go into the courthouse to get my file. I go in and find the records office - after being rushed to the side of the hall as the sheriff's officers rushed a prisoner past me. The good news is I'm the only one there. The room is enormous - remember that scene from Indiana Jones? But I explained what I was looking for, and the clerk had the certified copies to me in about 20 minutes. All in all, not as bad as I thought it would be. I'll tell you what, though - you do not want to be in the family court building. Just walking through there and seeing all the tears was really tough.

I have to say the part of this entire process that I had been dreading most was the home study interview. The county we worked with during foster-adopt training made it sound like we would be having a grilling by an ex-military interrogator who was looking for any little thing we did wrong. Our experience could not have been more the opposite - our social worker was delightful. We had so much fun having a conversation that I don't think we ever realized it was an interview! God Bless that masked social worker!

Step one - we got everything to the home study folks as fast as we could. We received the home study package on July 2nd. First set of fingerprints was July 3rd.

Step two - get everything except the home study done and sent to USCIS. Stress over the I-134 - until I find out it's no longer required I can't remember exactly when I finished this part, but it was well before the home study was done.

Step three - home study sent to USCIS, also one copy apostilled and sent to Ukraine. August 19 and 20 respectively.

Step four - apostille everything: David introduced me to A Notary on Wheels: Debra was awesome. I sent everything to her for apostilled and had it all back two days later. The only document I was missing was the I171H, but the process there was to add a jurat to the document saying it was a copy of the original. This allowed me to get this step completed prior to receiving the I171H. Overall, this save one or two days in FedEx time: if I waited, I would FedEx the entire package to Sacramento, then Debra would have had the entire package apostilled (24 documents - this can take up to two days), and then she would have FedEx'ed the entire package to Ukraine. Because I had all of the documents done ahead of time, all I needed to do was to staple the I171H to the jurat, and I could then FedEx directly to Ukraine! Nastiya is on the registry prior to the soonest date we can possibly get there, so I want to shave every day possible off the process!

Step five - entire dossier sent to Ukraine, but I need the I171H first! We finally receive the I171H on September 10th. Because of what I had done with the apostille, the package hit the truck on same afternoon. FedEx has a wonderful tracking system. I tracked the package to Oakland, then Atlanta, then Paris, the overland to Kyiv, with delivery occiring on September 14th. Absolutely amazing.

Paperwork over - until we get to Ukraine:-) Now comes the next wait - when can we go?!?!

Jeff: Nastiya's Visit to California

2009-09-25T22:28:00.000-07:00

Let’s go back to the airport, but three weeks prior the start of this narrative. We were at the airport at about 11PM waiting for a group of children to come through security. We had received a picture of Anastasiya (Nastiya) that was taken at the orphanage in Ukraine. We expected a pretty averaged-sized girl. As the group of 8 tightly-clustered children came walking towards us, we recognized Nastiya’s face – but on a tiny little wisp of a girl. I exaggerate – she is quite well proportioned for her size, but she was definitely a lot smaller than we expected. She was also exhausted. We got down on the floor with her and a woman who had volunteered to act as a translator. After a few questions about do you like this food or that food, do you like swimming (most of the answers were either a no or a noncommittal response – I think Nastiya was so tired she thought we were asking if she wanted any of these things right now), we were ready to head for home. Nastiya took one second to walk back to Lena, point at us, have a brief discussion and get a hug from Lena (four years older), and we were off!

Lots of details of the next three weeks. I’ll just tell a couple stories of my own regarding that time. Some of the time, I was traveling for work as usual. But I did have time to get to know Nastiya and really appreciate her spirit. Here was a 10 year old girl in a house with people she had basically just met. Who didn’t speak the same language. Thousands of miles from her home. She did get tired, and she did get discouraged from time to time, but overall she was ready, willing, and able to tackle whatever was coming next.

One of the things that was coming next, six days after she arrived, was Connor’s birthday party. Nastiya helped us get ready, and I remember playing with her during this. I was trying to tease her a bit, and she finally “sent” me to my room – she made it very clear that I was to go upstairs. For the next hour or so, I tried to get released – I would call her name, and honestly I have no idea what she called in response, but it sure sounded like “stop it! Stay there!” She got the upper hand in teasing me!

Another morning, Nastiya slept in longer than the rest of the family. When she came out of her bedroom yawning, I said “dobre otro” and stretched out my arms for a hug. Nastiya walked towards me with a smile and her arms stretched out, but at the last second she turned, walked right past me and gave Connor a hug!

The card game was the one of the best evenings. Sue and I could not for the life of us figure out the rules, but Nastiya continued to try to teach us – in Russian, of course! It got quite animated at times, what with us not following the rules, and Nastiya being very clear about what the rules were. I’m going to ask her about that in a couple months

Nastiya had just spent three weeks with us. There is no question that she is a missing member of our family. We did our darnedest to keep a positive attitude as we took her to the airport on the last day. But the house sure did feel a bit lonely when we got home.

Jeff The journey begins

2009-09-25T11:10:00.001-07:00

Picture this: 5:30 AM on a Saturday at the San Francisco airport. A little girl is walking at the tail end of a group of children as they walk through security. Just as she gets ready to turn the corner to where she can no longer see back into the ticketing area, she stops and looks back. With her backpack looking almost as big as she is and her hood up over her head, she looks very small and very fragile. I catch her eye, wave one more goodbye to her. She waves back, smiles. Then she’s gone. Our long wait has begun.

Sue and I had started this part of our journey eight years prior. We had always wanted more children, and the biological door was closed - definitively. We started looking into the different ways of adopting child. At the time, Connor was 7, so we were looking for a younger child. We had really decided that the right child was probably not an infant, but somewhere between two and five to maintain a distance between Connor and the next child. Listen – there are a million decisions along this path, and of course they all go out the window when you meet the child that is destined for your family. But we started with certain ideas, and the age difference was one of them.

Over a period of time, we decided that foster-adoption was a good program for us. We went through the entire program at the County, with the notion from the start of the program – stated and discussed with the staff – that we would really be looking to foster a child that we could adopt. At the end of the 14-week course, we were told, “oh, no – we can’t guarantee that the child that we place in your home will be available for adoption. You need to foster whoever we place with you and then we will try to find a child that is adoptable”. Well. End of story for Sue. Again – one of our choices – how do you care for a child in this scenario and then give them back? Of course, it’s a different mindset and God Bless the people who do this – this was not what we had in our hearts – we really wanted a child who would become a permanent part of our family.

Enter David Avilla and his culture camp. David brings children to the US from foreign countries – Russia, when we first met him. The first time we partnered, David had about 26 children in the group that arrived from Vladivostok. Six years ago, we hosted two boys from Russia through David’s program. Two boys who spoke no English arrived in our home late one evening, and of course we spoke no Russian. It was really amazing learning what we called “command and control” Russian – sit down, come here, go to bed, stop feeding Sabaka (the dog), and they learned bits and pieces of English. Boy, did they ever think it was cool to have a large slobbery yellow Lab scarfing food out of their hands. After having a very serious eye to eye discussion in two very broken and tortured languages and a significant amount of (non-ASL) sign language, we received a response of “dah, dah, dah” to our request that they no longer feed the dog. Then I turned around to go do something else. As I glance over my shoulder, of course one of the boys was feeding Sabaka.

Some “battles” were never won, but it was an absolutely amazing experience to see these boys working to communicate with us to keep up with the very busy schedule of the culture camp. Honestly, with love and patience, it is stunning just how easy it is to communicate even more advanced concepts with willing children. I must admit, Sue is the better Charades player – she figured out what they were trying to say sooner than I did on many (most) occasions. But it was fun – pointing at what they were doing while asking “shto etta” always started a conversation, and usually some education from the children to the adults. They were very patient with those slow adults, and were more than willing to help correct our meager skills of pronunciation of those Russian words.

One of the boys was with us for several days before joining another family who had planned to host him but were not available the first several days – and they did ultimately adopt him. We saw him again several months after he had finally arrive in the US permanently, at a baseball game, and he had a great time talking to us in English – after less than six months! The other boy that we hosted was a delightful young man, but we decided that this was just the wrong thing at the wrong time for our family. He was ultimately adopted by another family who adopted two boys at the same time! He called us on the phone, also after he had been here for about six months, and I had quite the conversation with him. When he had stayed with us, his dismissive response to things he didn't want to deal with was "dah, dah, dah!". In English, it became, "I know".

Working with these children for the three weeks that they were here was extremely touching, and it was pretty heartwarming, yet extremely strenuous for us. We went into the process pretty much sure that we would be adding another child to our family out of this group of children, but that just didn't work out for us this time.

Fast forward to March, 2009. David has kept us on his mailing list ever since our first experience with his program. We had just returned from a missions trip to Cambodia with Connor’s marching band. Talk about heartbreaking – to see the living conditions in that country and what the children had to do to eat. It definitely opened our eyes to the needs of children in this world. So when David sent the email with the next group of children, I suggested to Sue that we should offer to host – just in case David didn’t have enough families. Notice I said host - we still were not thinking adoption – we were thinking that we needed to make sure that the children coming from Ukraine had every opportunity to meet families. God had other plans. If he brings you to it, right?

Here’s what happened next:

March would have been a good time for us, having just returned from Cambodia, being in the middle of the school year, this that and the other – we were pretty excited that we would be able to help with this group. So of course there was a problem with the travel arrangements for March and the group was postponed until late June, early July. Turns out this window would work horribly for us – imagine! But come on, we can fit it in somehow, right? Well sure, we need to take care of widows and orphans, so of course we will figure out how to make it work. OK – let’s proceed with hosting one of these children.

We received the pictures of the kids coming to the camp. One little girl, Nastiya, just immediately stood out to both Sue and me. She had a glint in her eye – we both said immediately that hey – maybe we should think more about our stance on adoption vs. hosting. But the write-up said that little girl already had a host family. Oh, well – no heartbreak – just back to the idea of hosting. No, really.

Several days later, as David is having the conversation with Sue (I think his slant was adoption, not hosting – more on that later, maybe), she told him that we’d be happy to host. Didn’t we want to adopt?

“Well, none of them stood out to us except one who already has a host family. “

“Oh really? Who’s that? “

“Nastiya. “

“Wait a minute – she doesn’t have a host family – she’s available for hosting.” (uh oh – hear the heart speed up a bit?)

“Really? Well, we’d be happy to host her!”

The rest of that conversation is details. Did I mention that God has a way of speaking in the quiet parts? I will definitely leave it to Sue to document elsewhere how the image of Jonah sitting quietly in his armchair as presented by our pastor in his April series was quite motivating to her.

Do you see a pattern here? March would have worked, but somehow the group was postponed until July. During that postponement, our pastor later told us that he was compelled to change the sequence of his messages – Jonah was going to be later in the year, but he brought it forward to April. Nastiya had somehow looked “spoken for” but wasn’t. July is a bit difficult, but how can we say no after the message from Pastor Dan? What’s a little extra coordination compared to the need of these children? At this point, both Sue and I were pretty sure that God had a plan for our family, and it included a member of our family that just happened to have been born several thousand miles away. Sometimes God has to send the message a few times – maybe hit us over the head. But we’re listening now!

Luke 6:38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Who ever said Jesus was talking about money? Buit that's the next part of the story...